Touch Me

Give You Hell

Kevin was fantastic. His mother, too. I stayed there a couple extra days, just to be safe, but soon enough, the house was empty again. Wherever the hell my father is now, it's not my problem.

I moved back into my dad's house only a few days ago. But Kevin and Mrs. Price were inviting me back for dinner pretty regularly. Neither of them were very comfortable letting a seventeen year old fend for himself, understandably.

Though, I already spent most afternoons at Kevin's house, leaving before his mother comes home and invites me back to eat.

"Mmh, I'm exhausted" I huffed as I flopped face-first on Kevin's bed.

Perhaps it's weird to say, but I love the smell of his pillow. It smells like him. And he's one of the few teenage boys that actually washes his pillowcase. Or his hair.

"Long day?" He set his bag down on the floor and took a seat beside me, kicking off his shoes

"Very.." I forced myself back up, propping my back against his wall "Got a headache, too."

"I'm sorry, Sunshine.. you know, your bruises are looking much better.. You can hardly see em.."

"That's a relief.. don't like looking like that, all beat up.."

Kevin moved in closer, until he was by my side.

"Well, you still look just as handsome, either way.."

"Do I?" A slight smile grew as I leaned my head down on his shoulder

"You do.. you're a good looking guy, McKinley.."

"You're sweet... thanks for letting me stay here.. and for letting me come over all the time.. you're a really nice guy."

"Well, I love you.. pretty easy to be nice to a guy like you.."

"Stop that.." I blushed

"I'm serious.. how anyone could be anything but gentle with you blows my mind.. I think you're the most wonderful boy there is.."

"..my father would care to disagree."

"Yeah, well your father doesn't know a good thing when it's standing right in front of him.. you're perfect, Connor."

"Perfect probably isn't the exact right word.."

"To me, it is.. I think you're perfect.. you make me so happy, Sunshine, I mean it.. I wanna fix it all for you so badly, I want to make it all better.. kind of kills me that I can't do anything about it.."

"It's not your problem to have to concern yourself with.."

"It is.. I love you, your problems are my concerns.. we're a team.. I'm not about to let you go through any of this by yourself anymore, you've been alone, much too long.. you are my concern.."

My heart felt as if it'd grown three times in size. With butterflies filling my chest, I slowly brought him into a kiss. He returned, just as gently

"..I'm the luckiest guy in the world." I whispered, popping one more peck on his lips

"I am.. I've got you, that's proof enough, isn't it?"

"..come here and kiss me again." I let out a choked-up giggle

He obeyed readily, and much more excitedly. I think he was a little less concerned with being soft.

Kissing him is confusing for me. Or at least, it has been in the past. It's like an internal struggle between my body and my brain. My fears of damnation, the memories of my treatment. But at the same time, it just felt so nice. His lips are so soft, his body feels so good against mine. It doesn't feel wrong in the least, it feels more right than anything in the world. Yet, my fears have this grip on me, they keep me from the things I want. I want him.
Though, maybe it's not entirely the fault of my religious upbringing. There's something to be said about trusting people after growing up without a single reliable parent. I had nobody, I was used to having nobody. Trusting somebody new is hard. It's scary, he has so much power over me. He could hurt me, the way everybody else has. More, even. At least I know better than to trust my parents, I've put trust in him. He has the power to hurt me more deeply than anybody else. And something about trusting him on a physical level is particularly intimidating. I trust him with my life, yes, and yet, I still find it so daunting to be physically vulnerable with him.