Touch Me

Revelations

I woke up to find blood from the day before staining my white pillowcase. I sat up, far more sore than yesterday.

I slowly got out of bed, every muscle in my body aching. I got dressed, hiding Kevin's jacket in my backpack to wear once I left the house. I walked downstairs, completely ignoring my dad, not wanting to even look in his direction. I knew he would be watching me when I left, to make sure I wasn't with Kevin again. I walked out the door, ignoring Kevin as he stood there. He jumped back when he saw me, clearly not expecting me to look the way I did. Why would he?

"Connor..... what the hell happened to you!?" He gasped

I pretended not to hear him, looking down and limping forward, Kevin chasing me, until I was far enough down the street to not be seen by my dad.

"Connor..? Sunshine.. why aren't you talking to me? Did I do something wrong?" He questioned until I finally turned around.

"I-I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry! My dad was watching me. If he saw me even look at you, I-I'd be a dead man.."

"Don't apologize... You're just keeping yourself safe... What happened to you? You look like Hell, Buddy..."

"I-It's not a big deal..." I replied

"..Connor...? Was it your father again..?"

I didn't answer

"Connor, did he do something to you?"

I nodded reluctantly

"Fuck....What happened?"

I didn't want to answer, truthfully, I didn't want to think about it. But I knew all Kevin would do is worry if I didn't tell him.

"H-He saw us kiss, and when I got inside he uh, pushed me into t-the door... And uhm.."

"...And what?"

"H-He choked me.." I whispered, looking away, not mentioning being kicked. I feel like being strangled was already a little too much for him to imagine as it is. I don't think he could handle knowing the full extent of it. You could see his heart sinking when you looked into his eyes.

"Connor.."

"It's fine.."

"Connor, this is the second time this has happened, and both were my fault..."

"It's not your fault. It's mine. I wasn't careful enough."

"If I hadn't kissed you, you wouldn't have gotten beat... if I'd stayed a couple of yards back from the house until you were inside-"

"Kev, please don't feel bad about this.. I don't regret kissing you. Not in the least.. it was my choice, I'd do it all over again right now, don't feel guilty about anything."

He nodded slightly, most likely just to prevent any conflict. I looked over my shoulder, just to make sure we were truly out of sight, before hugging him.

"What are you going to do about your injuries? What are you gonna say if the teachers ask?"

"I'm not sure... I'll figure something out. I always do." I replied  "I've been doing it for years, I'm still here.. it always works out"

He sighed and hugged me back as tightly as he could muster without putting me through any more pain than I was already in.

As he finally let me go, I continued walking with him, trying to keep my limp to a minimum. Perhaps I'll just say I got in a fight with someone, and just leave out the fact that it was a fight with my own father. Though 'fight' hardly seems like a fair way to describe it

Sometimes I wish that I had been born into a different family. A father that I didn't fear. A mother that stuck around long enough to even say hello to in the mornings.

"Connor?"

"Hm?"

"You're quiet.."

"Yeah... I-I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Not much..."

He nodded

".. You would tell me if something else was wrong, right?" He asked

"Yeah, of course."

"But you didn't tell me that last few times... I just don't like not knowing if you're okay or not. I get really worried about you, Man."

"I really am sorry... I- I have a tendency not to tell people when things are bad. It's just what I'm used to.. I've never been able to talk to my parents about it, so I'm just not used to actually talking about my problems. And even when I do want to tell you, I just feel like you knowing what happens would worry you more.. If you knew I was doing badly then you would be worried."

"I'd be more worried not knowing what's going on with you, or if you're okay. It's really hard not to know."

He was right. He deserves to know if I'm okay. As the only person that genuinely cares about me, he reserves the right to know if I was alright.

"I promise to always tell you if you promise to tell me. You never talk about your life or problems.. You're always asking about mine instead. It's sweet, but I want to hear about your life as well.. I want to be there for you.."

"You've got enough to deal with, you don't need to hear my problems.."

"I care about you.. it's not supposed to be one-sided, you need to be taken care of, too.."

"I can take care of myself, Sunshine.. you don't need to worry about it."

"I can take care of myself, too, but I don't see you, leaving me to do it.. you need to talk to me, too."

"Alright. It's a deal."

"Good.. How are you? How's your family?"

"I'm good. My family's good... They like you. I told them a lot about you.."

"Really? ..They don't mind that we're together?"

"Well, I uh haven't told them that yet. As far as they know we're just good friends.."

"Do you think you're ever gonna tell them?"

" I hope so. I'm not quite sure how they'll react. Could be happy, could be angry. I will end up telling them at some point, I'm just a little scared"

"Well, don't tell them until you're a hundred percent ready.. I'm sure everything will be okay."

"Hopefully.. why was your dad angry when I first talked to you? Didn't you say he got mad seeing us before were even in a relationship?"

"He's had an obsession with me talking to other guys since elementary school. I had a little crush on my best friend, and I tried to tell him, because I didn't know what was happening.. he flipped his shit. He's so desperate for me to date a girl that he gets angry even seeing me around guys."

"I'm sorry.."

"It's just kinda how it's always been.."

"I guess.. It's just a shitty situation to be in."

"Yeah, but soon enough you get used to it, and it becomes more of an annoyance than anything else."

"Annoyance? Connor, it's abuse.."

"I'm used to it.. it's an annoyance now.."

".. Do you plan on moving out anytime soon?"

"I can when I turn eighteen, technically.. But even then, I won't have the money to. I can't get a job. My dad thinks that if I'm out of his sight I'll go off kissing boys."

"Well.. that's true to an extent" He teased in an effort to get me to smile, kissing me on the temple