Touch Me

Leave Me, Love Me, Break My Heart

I woke up beside the stairs, blood covering my arm and the side of my head. My father was nowhere to be seen, luckily for myself. I slowly stood back up, groaning, and feeling more lightheaded than ever. I clutched the railing as I made my way up the stairs, walking back my bathroom to clean up the blood.

I winced as I pulled the shards of glass out of my arm, dropping them into the sink. I got as many out as I could, leaving a few, unable to get them out of my shoulder without mangling myself. I washed away the rest of the blood, not quite knowing what to do about my head. It seemed to have stopped bleeding, so I simply washed it off and locked my bedroom door. I found my phone on the floor, the screen cracked. I looked at the time on my phone, making out a blurry number. It was already morning.

I waited hours before returning to the bathroom. The small gash in my arm was still stinging. I tried to pick out the remaining glass, only for it to start bleeding again. I was only able to get one more piece out, but it was better than nothing. I wiped the blood off my hands and tried to cover the bump and cuts on the side of my head with my hair, but it didn't do all that much. I grabbed my backpack and walked down the stairs, my entire body aching profusely. I walked out the front door, immediately met by Kevin.

"Hey, Kev." I greeted him, putting on a small smile, making sure my injuries were covered.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" He grinned. He was absolutely oblivious. I envied him.

We started walking, and he put his arm around me, like always, his hand on my shoulder, causing me to start bleeding again, the blood soaking through my shirt rapidly.

I tried to think of something to make it stop before he realized, but I don't exactly think well under pressure. It didn't take long for him to notice the blood, now on his hand. He lifted his hand to see what had stained it, his eyes widening when he saw the blood. He took a step back.

"What the hell? You're bleeding.." He mumbled, taking his arm off of me and turning me around so he could look at my shoulder. He lifted my sleeve up, and looked like he had seen a car crash right in front of him.

"Connor what the hell happened to you..?" He gulped

"It's nothing... It was just my dad again, I'm fine."

"Connor, there is glass sticking out of your skin, you're not fine..!" He brushed my hair out of my face, only to find the blood on my head. "Sunshine.. what did he do to you?"

"He found our texts, and he threw a bottle at my arm... pushed me into the wall. It's fine, though, it hardly even hurts.." I lied

"How hard did he push you?"

"Come on, let's just get to school..."

"You're still bleeding, Connor."

"It'll stop soon enough."

"That's really not a good idea.. Con, please see a doctor."

"I-I appreciate your concern, but I'll be okay. I've dealt with this kind of thing before, I know I'll be fine. It's been worse than this. I'm alright... besides, it's not like I can just go to the doctor.. it costs money. Money I don't have.. I couldn't go, if I wanted to."

"What about the school nurse?"

"She'll call the cops. He'll lie. And it'll be worse. Again.. it always makes it worse, it's not safe to go."

"...There's nothing I can do, is there?" He sighed, heartbroken

"No.. but I'll be fine."

"....Connor..?"

"Yes..?"

"...I love you too much to keep doing this to you.." he let out s shaking sigh

"Doing what..?"

"This. Every time you've gotten beaten it's been all my fault. I can't keep putting you through all of this..."

"W-What are you saying...? I'd deal with this every day of my life if it meant I could be with you.. You're not putting me through anything... I-It would've happened to me anyway, he's always done this.. it's just a fresh excuse to him, that's all, You're not putting me through anything."

"I am. It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't texting you... Sunshine, I can't keep doing this to you."

My vision started blurring from the tears building up in my eyes

"W-What do you mean...?"

"..I feel like you're better off without me, Connor. You're safer without me."

The tears fell freely.

"I'm not better off without you.. Kevin, you're the reason I get up in the morning....Please don't leave me, not for this.." I whispered

"It'll be so much safer for you, Connor. I can't be the reason there's broken glass in your arm, I-I just can't do that to you.."

"Kevin, the day I met you was the best day of my life. Y-You've been there to love me.. and make me smile. Kevin, I'm so in love with you... I- I thought you loved me, too.."

"I do love you. More than anything. That's why I can't be putting you through this."

It was hard to maintain eye contact with him through my tears.

"Don't do this, not for me.. if you have to do it for yourself, I- ... don't do it for me, please don't do it for me.. you're all I have.. I don't want you to go..."

I finally looked down, ashamed of my vulnerability. He put his hands on my cheeks, wiping the tears off of my face with his thumbs.

"I just want to do what's best for you.."

"If you wanna do what's best for me then stay..please.."

He pulled me into a tight hug, careful not to touch my shoulder. I started crying harder.

"Shhh, Connor, it's okay.. I won't leave.. if that's what you need, I'm staying right here.. I promise..." He whispered, rubbing my back.

"Please don't leave me..."

"I won't... I just want you safe.."

"T-Trust me..I'm safer with you."

He kissed me on the top of the head, and let go of me.

"I love you, Connor.." He said, staring deeply into my eyes

"I love you too, Kevin. So much..."

He pulled me into another hug, before putting his arm around my waist and walking me down the road, kissing me on the cheek repeatedly to get me smiling. I can't help but feel like he's stuck with me. That maybe him wanting to 'do what's best for me' is just an attempt to break up with me for his own benefit. I wouldn't blame him. And if that were the case, I would let him go. No matter how much it hurt. But doing that just for me is ridiculous. I can't think of anything worse for me. I'm just glad he's here. I'm just glad he's mine.