Touch Me

Together

As I looked into the bathroom mirror, I combed my fingers through my hair with ease, my bruises beginning to finally heal. I pulled on Kevin's jacket again, running out the door before my dad woke up from his hangover. I was met by the young brunette, looking absolutely dismal.

"Hey, Kev.. What's the matter?"

"I uh... I told my parents about us..."

"Oh.. how did they react..?" I asked, though the answer was already quite clear

He shook his head

"My mom was okay with it.. A little surprised, but overall fine. My dad on the other hand... overreacted."

"What did he say?"

"Not much. He just..left" He started tearing up a little

I dropped my backpack to the ground to hug him tightly, disregarding the slight physical pain it put me in.

"Oh god, Kevin... Where did he go?"

"I don't know"

"Is he gonna come back?"

"I doubt it.."

"Shit.... I'm so sorry, Kevin... I-I don't know what to say.. You don't deserve that, you deserve so much better.. It'll be okay, I promise you."

He nodded, backing up from me, obviously trying to hold back tears.

"Kevin... it's okay to cry.. you can't just push your feelings down.."

He let a few tears fall down his face, sniffling, wiping them with his jacket sleeve as quickly as he could. I placed my hand on his back, in my best attempt to console him.

"It'll be okay, Kev.. I-I'm here for you... I always will be."

"Thanks, Sunshine" He huffed, trying to put a slight, forced smile on.

I didn't have the slightest idea of what to say next. What was I even supposed to say? He told his parents due to my suggestion, and now his father was gone. I'm a shit person. I shouldn't have even brought up his parents. I shouldn't have gotten involved. I shouldn't have gotten involved with his life. I shouldn't even be in his life. I shouldn't put him through this. I shouldn't burden him the way I do. I wanted to walk away right then and there, but couldn't abandon him. I couldn't hurt him twice in a row. Yes, it was his father's benighted choice to walk away from his son's unalterable feelings, but if I hadn't brought his family up in the first place, this wouldn't have happened to him. I was the first in a line of toppling dominoes, ending in his despondency. I'd never been so angry with myself before. I fucked up his entire life with a single sentence.

He'd be so much better off if I hadn't said that to him.

He'd be so much better off if I hadn't rolled into his life.

He'd be so much better off if I wasn't here.

I looked back over to Kevin, his heart clearly shattered. I hope he knows he's loved. I hope he knows he's wanted. I hope he knows he's needed.I hope he knows how important he is. I hope he knows that I think he's remarkable.

He undoubtedly feels like shit right now. He probably blames himself. He probably thinks he's unlovable. That's what I thought when I first felt my Father's wrath over my 'condition'. I can't even handle the mere thought of him feeling that way, especially knowing it was all my fault.

Damn it, Connor, stop thinking about yourself for once in your life, you selfish piece of shit.

"Kevin?" I asked, accidentally using a panicked and loud tone from the stress of my own self-deprecating thoughts.

He looked back over at me, tears staining his eyes.

"...You know it's not your fault, right?"

"I guess.. I just feel so shitty about myself.."

"Don't. This wasn't your fault. I put the idea of telling them into your head. I feel horrible, but this isn't about how I feel, this is about how you feel. This wasn't your fault in the least, and having a family member reject you for that is the worst feeling in the world, but I can promise you from the bottom of my heart that it will be okay.. You will be okay... It hurts now and its gonna hurt for a while, it's not something that'll just go away. It's gonna be shitty for a while. But soon that pain won't be as impactful. You will grow, and soon that pain won't be a defining part of you.. One day you'll be okay." I said, staring into his glassy eyes, grasping his hand.

His eyes filled up with more tears before he muttered out a quiet, choked up
"thank you... I.. I needed that.."

"Of course. It's the truth. You're very strong, I know you can do this, Kev."

I didn't feel quite as bad about myself. Of course, I still felt that guilt but it wasn't as prominent, and it wasn't important. Knowing that I had helped him a little was enough to lift at least some of the guilt. Obviously, the guilt of being the reason for his father abandoning him couldn't be eradicated, but it was no longer crushing.

I looked back over at him, his eyes were red, but he was no longer crying, instead, he had graduated to just sniffling. He slowly inched his way closer to me, ashamed of needing comfort in someone other than himself. Once I saw him make his way closer to me, I pulled him in next to me, wrapping my arm around him.

"I love you, Kev.." I whispered

"I love you too..." He replied, leaning his head onto me slightly.

The poor kid. I'm worried as hell about him, but I'm confident he'll be okay. He's a strong boy, and he's not going through this alone. I'll be here with him the entire way.