Touch Me

Honorable

I shook hands with everyone on the stage, then scurried off nervously, to the front row.

Kevin immediately stood up, wrapping me in a tight hug, showering me with kisses.

"Ohhhhhhh congratulations! I'm so proud of you!!!! You're the smartest, most wonderful boy in the world!"

"Kevinnn, we have to sit down..." I giggled, dodging his several kisses, my face still red from embarrassment.

He gave up, sitting us down, watching the rest of the presentation while holding my hand tightly. He refused to take his adoring eyes off me the entire time. With a single glance into his deep brown eyes, you could easily see how genuinely proud he was. He looked the happiest I had seen him in a while. I shouldn't have given him shit for getting the date wrong. He does care. He cares greatly. I've never seen him so proud to be my boyfriend. It was like he thought he had the smartest man in the world and needed everyone to know. He's a sweet guy. I shouldn't have gotten mad at him. I made the man cry for Christ's sake. I hate seeing him cry. I can hardly handle it. Especially when I caused it. I can't believe I made him cry.

"Connor? Is everything okay?"

"Huh? Yeah.."

"You look like something's bothering you. What is it?"

"I'm just feeling a little guilty.."

"Why? You deserved the award, Connor, you're the smartest man I know-"

"It's not the award."

"What is it?"

"I made you cry today.."

"..We'll talk about this later. The presentation's nearly done."

I nodded and waited for the presentation to end, Kevin walking me to the car, staying silent the entire time.

"...I remember every time I've made you cry."

"..you do?"

"Whether it was my hospital visits or something I said to you, I remember it all vividly. I can never forget. It tears away at me every time I think of it. I'll never forget the day I yelled at you for not eating. I was frightened, and I lost control of myself, and I shouted. You didn't talk to me for days. And rightfully so. I just remember feeling horrible about myself."

"I deserved to be yelled at. I needed someone to pull me back into reality. It worked when you did it."

"You cried. And I can never wipe the image of you crying because of me out of my mind. I wish I could forget it. I wish it never happened. I feel sick every time I think about it.. I don't want you to feel that way. That's not how you talk to someone who's struggling. You didn't deserve one bit of that."

"I just feel so terrible.. I can't stand seeing you cry... and I can't believe I made you cry. And it's not like you cry easily. You only cry when someone really hurts you.."

"I don't want you to think about this. I cried. But I was already emotional. I had a long day. I don't want you to think you did something horrible by getting angry. You had every right to be mad at me. This is important. And I forgot it was happening tonight. Okay? Let's just put this behind us. Don't beat yourself up over this."