Divergent: Situations to Handle

~Chapter 65~

The days fly by as they ran an autopsy on Al's body to find if he were on some type of drug or had taken any serum that day. His parent's were contacted in Candor and they cleaned Al's apartment up. My emotions stayed the same, numb, and life here in the Dauntless compound carried on except for me. It felt like I was still stuck in the time frame of when I saw them pull Al's lifeless body out of the Chasm.

His funeral went by quick I heard, Tobias, Ava, and I decided to stay home sitting on the patio looking at the city lights still in deep concentration. I haven't cried, had nightmares, or went crazy. . . I don't think that I am ever going to. I returned to normal life, and decided to talk to Tobias about how I feel. I told him that I think Al killed himself because of me, because I couldn't accept his apology.

There is a knock on the door as Tobias, Ava and I lay on the couch in silence, relaxing together. Tobias stands up and goes to open the door and when he returns, Max, and a dauntless member stands in front of me. I place Ava on the couch closer to the back so she doesn't fall if she rolls over and I sit in a standing position.

"Yes?" I question crossing my arms over my olive colored top. "What's this about?" I ask as Tobias sits on the couch beside me.

"Nothing to worry about, Tris." Max says obviously noticing my tense posture, "We, uh, went through Al's stuff as you know and we found a note on his dresser addressed to you. Do you want it?" He asks holding a wrinkled piece of paper out. I take a deep breath and nod my head, holding my hand out to him.

"Sorry to bother you, have a nice day." Max nods at me and the dauntless member does the same and they both leave the apartment. I put the note on the coffee table letting out a huge sigh. I put Ava in front of me so that I am spooning her and hold her close to me closing my eyes.

"Do you want to read it?" I hear Tobias asks me as he gets back behind us, throwing the cover over us. I shake my head at him ghostly running my fingertips over Ava's soft cheek.

"Not now," I tell him and I feel him nod from behind me.

+++

Dear Tris,

I know you are blaming yourself for my death. . . don't. I've wanted to do this for the longest time, I've never felt like a true Dauntless member, not even when Peter pulled me on the train because I was too weak to get on by myself. So, for me, please. Don't grieve over me. . . I wanted this, I wanted to get away from this Dauntless compound. Please forgive me and tell everyone that I love them and I will miss them. Live a happy life in Dauntless and when Ava gets old enough to comprehend but, tell her about me.

-Al

+++

"Tobias," I whimper into Tobias chest as he rubs my back, I just finished reading the note that Al left me. It wasn't something that I expected, I thought that he was going to put something like how much he loves me or why he's friends with Peter. . . instead, he is asking me to forgive him and to tell Ava about him. . . he probably wants to be remember in good ways instead of the bad.

"It's okay," Tobias tells me and for once. . . I know that he is telling the truth. I am not going to grieve over Al. . . I need to pull myself together and stop crying over Al because I can't be irrational. I don't want to seem irrational since I didn't want nothing to do with him while he was living. Now, that he is dead I can't take it back. I just feel so bad for treating him so wrong.

I pull away from his strong, and warm embrace and sit with my back against the arm of the couch and my elbow on the top part of the couch with my hand on my face. I'm sure that my face is red from crying today, "I just can't believe that he's gone. I would have never thought that he would have killed himself because of that, because he couldn't handle the life of Dauntless."

Tobias remains quiet.

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Tris." Tobias tells me placing a hand on my shoulder, I sniffle and bring my knees up to chest and place them in my knees letting out a shaky sigh.

Do what he said Tris. . . don't beat yourself up about it.

I nod my head at him lift my head pressing a kiss to his lips, "I love you."

He smiles at me pulling away with a smile, "I love you too."