Months had come and passed, the snow running its cycle of melting, then falling long after it should have stopped, only to melt once again, turning the once green grass to a dull brown. Alas, the cold was finally gone, allowing what felt like summer, but was merely late spring. I feel as if I had improved drastically, with Kevin's help, of course. I had gotten past some of my issues with my father; the scent of alcohol no longer instilling fear into my head. I still miss my grandmother, I mean, that's not something you get over completely, but it's something you learn to live with, and you learn to be happy despite it. As for the assault I endured a while back, I still have yet to tell anyone but Kevin. I feel as if I'm going to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. There's nobody that I'm comfortable telling, and there's no reason to talk about it all that much anyways.
I've gone really far with improvement on that matter. I can be touched without notice now. For the most part. It makes me jump every now and again, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't frighten me the way it used to. Kevin can touch me without warning. I wasn't able to do that for a long while. He and I were able to be far more intimate again, luckily. I've missed that quite a lot. It's hard to be so both physically and emotionally attracted to someone, and not being able to fulfill both of your desires. He always understood, never upset about it in the slightest. He's a phenomenal man. We haven't exactly done anything since it happened, nothing heavier than some suggestive talk, kisses on the neck and touches on the thigh. But for a while, even the prospect of those touches on the thigh seemed impossible. The fact that we can do that at all, now is... huge.
As I approached Kevin's door I pulled my hand to a fist, raising it to the wood. Seconds before my knuckles even hit the oak, the door opened, swinging inward.
I was greeted by Kevin, sporting an ironic 'Reagan & Bush 80' shirt in an off white color, and dark shorts cut off at his mid thigh. I giggled loudly, taking a step back.
"Oh my goodness.."
"Shut it, McKinley, its fucking hot out."
"No, I like it! Trust me, I really like it! I really like it. I'm just not used to it.."
He rolled his eyes and shut the door behind him.
"Fuck you." He smirked
"You look.. like... Jon Douglas. That tennis player. Except you look hot, and like you could beat everyone up."
"You keep saying I look like I could beat someone up, I'm telling you, if I were ever in a situation where I needed to do something like that, you would be severely disappointed."
"I mean.. you were strong enough to push me against walls and into beds. I think if you tried you'd be surprised."
"Well, that's because I want to fuck you, not hurt you, there's a difference." He scoffed, beginning to walk.
I followed, trying to catch up; but still taken back by what he had just said.
"Well that was..blunt." I giggled a bit, brushing our fingertips together to hint that I wanted to hold hands as we walked.
"Of course it was. Why shouldn't I be? I have no reason not to be, do I?" He stopped, turning to me and pulling our hips together.
"No. No you don't." I smiled, finally taking his hand in mine like I wanted to.
"Good." He leaned in a little bit closer, smiling. I expected him to kiss me, but he just pulled me gently by my hand, walking again.
As we walked, he moved his hand away, up and down my back several times, sliding it to my waist, and returning his hand back to mine when he was finished.
"Your legs look so good in those." I gushed as we walked.
He rolled his eyes again.
"I'm serious, they do! You have a fantastic body, Kev.."
"Well, thank you... You've got a pretty nice one, yourself." He smirked, looking me up and down again.
Everything he did made me that more attracted to him. Even things that weren't hot, were hot when they were done by him. Every smile, glance, and move he made was ridiculously attractive to me. Maybe it was the fact that I've been too scared to have anything.. intimate with him for months upon months talking, but this isn't exactly a new development for me. I've always found everything he does to be extraordinarily compelling. Everything he does had been like magic in my eyes since the day we met.
I gained pace slightly, pulling him with me.
"Hurry up, Price."
"Why?" He began walking faster
"I've got an idea."
"Okay..?" He appeared confused, justifiably, but laughed and was nearly jogging at this point to keep up with me.
"Don't worry! You'll like it."
"What is it?"
"So fucking eager, aren't you?"
"You're the one practically running!"
"That's fair. You'll see."
"...alright!"
I slowed down a bit as we approached the school, still hurrying through the door.
"So your idea is..?"
"Hold on a minute! Uh... closet? No, closet's too small.. here!" I dragged him toward the bathroom.
"What?" He giggled as he followed.
"Come on!" I opened the door, locking it behind us as I pulled him in.
"What's going on? I-I'm not opposed.. But, uh, what's going on?" A smirk grew on his face
I giggled, grabbing his hips and pulling him toward me until our chests were pressed firmly together. I walked forward until his back was against the tile wall, immediately tugging at his shirt.
"You don't want to wait until we get home?" He questioned, out of breath solely from how fast I was moving
"Not really.." I kissed him. He didn't react much, kissing back very weakly, making me reconsider. "You do?"
"Well.. sort of... don't you think being in a school bathroom kills the best part?"
"Well, what's the best part?"
"Being alone with you.. I-I mean, having that intimacy, that it's only us.. I mean, don't get me wrong, the rest is incredible, I just... It's not only an attraction thing to me, you know? I-I really like fact that it's a thing that's just between us..and only us.. I'm sorry, that's stupid, I know."
"No.. that's really sweet." I smiled softly, letting go of him.
"You're not disappointed?"
"No! No, come here." I wrapped my fingers through his belt loop, pulling him back closer to me.
He obliged, a slight smile on his face.
"Kevin.. listen here, alright? You are the kindest man I've ever met. The way you see it is.. beautiful. I didn't think of it that way in the moment because I was a little.. clouded by how good you look. But, now that I see it that way, I'm glad we didn't. Okay? Now I want it just the same way as you. Alright?"
"Alright." He smiled
"I love you. Very much. And I want that feeling to be present.... Especially this time. It's a big deal."
I smiled and kissed him softly, bringing my hand up to his cheek.
He unlocked the bathroom door, chuckling a bit as I pulled away.
"You know what?"
"What?"
"After school today.. I'm going to take you back to my house..."
"Yeah?"
"And I'm going to that thing with your tie that you like so much.. and we're going to have another go at this.. How does that sound?"
"That sounds good." I nodded, biting the corner of my bottom lip.
"Good." A smile made its way into his face, before he brought his lips to mine.
"Alright, let's get to class, Prettyboy." His hands traveled down my hips, until he had a firm grip on them, pulling his into mine, making me grow impatient of the school day awaiting me.
Kevin walked me out, down the hall to the first class of ours, sitting down one seat away from me.
He had his eyes fixed on me the majority of the time, only taking them away when absolutely dire, similar to the way he did in our first class together. He seemed to be just as eager for the end of the day as I was. Not that I can blame him, we hadn't been intimate with each other in close to eight months. Classes came and passed, both our patience wearing thinner as the hours passed.
I desired every bit of him. For me, what truly made the experience desirable was the fact that it was him. For him, it was the fact that it was us. It hadn't been something I had thought of before, but now that it's in my attention, it's one of the only things I could ask for in that situation. For it to be us.
The end of the day took what felt like decades to arrive, but, alas, it came.
As Kevin standing at his locker came into my view, my heart began beating rapidly as I gained pace, quickly walking over to him.
"Hi..!" I exclaimed, a bit too eagerly
"Hey, Beautiful.. Are you ready to go?" He smiled as he put the last of his books in the locker.
I nodded in response.
"Good." He replied, before he shut his locker, proceeding to pick me up quickly, one arm supporting my back, one arm under my knees, as he held my side tightly to his body, grinning.
"What the fuck!?" I giggled, fastening my arms loosely around his neck so I wouldn't fall.
"Well, I have to make up for this morning, don't I?" He laughed as he proceeded to carry me out the doorway
"I thought this morning was plenty nice."
"Well, this evening is going to be even better." He tossed me up a bit so he could reposition his arms.
I still remember the assault. I always will. But I don't fear it quite so much anymore. I don't think I will fear it quite so much anymore.
"How far will you even be able to carry me?" I giggled
"Uhh, we'll find out." He walked a little faster, laughing just the same
"I give it a minute and a half."
"Oh, it's on, McKinley."
"A bet?"
"Yes, a bet!"
"Alright. You won't be able to do it."
"Watch me. I am going to carry you the whole way."
I giggled a bit, setting my head in the crook of his neck as he scurried.
He managed to carry me all the way to his house, hardly tiring himself. He balanced my legs on his knee as he opened the door, but returned his arms around me once we were both in the house, continuing to carry me until we were in the kitchen, gradually setting me down on the marble countertop.
"I've been looking forward to this all day.." I grinned, pulling his shirt half-sleeve so he was closer to me, as I hopped down off the counter, my hips rubbing against his.
"So have I.." he smiled before kissing me gently.
"Oh come on, Price, you can do better that that." I giggled.
He chuckled under his breath, kissing me again, with enough force that my back was pushed to the countertop. He had one hand on my waist, the other firmly on my shoulder. In the few moments our lips were separated, I was able to make out a quiet "I love you so much.." before he returned back to kissing me his hand traveled down my chest until he reached my jeans.
"Upstairs?" He muttered, a bit out of breath.
"Upstairs."
He nodded and took a loose hold on my shirt collar, leading me down the hall, beginning to walk me backward up the stairs. He could see over me well enough that he wouldn't run me into anything.
I pushed his door open with my tailbone, backing into his room. He had a broad smile on his face, larger than I had seen in a while.
Hesitation was now a distant memory. The only thing on my mind what the current moment.
Kevin pulled away for a moment, only to drag me to the bed, pushing me gently onto my back.
"Is that okay?" He quickly whispered
I gave him a nod as a 'go ahead'. Within moments he was straddling my hips, twirling my tie between his fingers.
"You're... breathtaking.." I managed to say as I looked up at him in awe, his hair falling perfectly in his face.
He smiled for a moment, displaying his bright, perfectly straight teeth.
"I love you so much." He mumbled, his smile still present, before he began loosening my tie, kissing me just beside my lips.
"You missed, Kevin." I teased
"Shut up, I'm trying to do somethin' romantic here." He chuckled as he started kissing my chin, followed by my jawline, slowly making his way to my neck.
He finally slipped my tie off, tossing it on the floor. He unbuttoned the top button of my shirt, allowing him full access to my neck.
"If my grandfather sees these, you're fucking dead." I said, in regards to the multiple hickeys he was intent on leaving.
"I like seeing them." He panted
"I like them too.."
I felt his lips form to a smile against my skin before he continued, running his hand along my chest. Kevin unbuckled my belt, swiftly pulling it from my belt loop and tossing it in the same spot as my tie. I'll admit, it was all a bit frightening at first, but all it really took to ease my mind was his soft reminders of "it's just me, Baby" and gentle hands up and down my shoulders when he felt me stiffen.
It was never going to be easy. But I want this. I want this more than anything.
"Do you want me to stop or keep going?" He whispered as I slowed my breath a bit, trying to stop the memory from creeping back in.
I kept my eyes sealed shut for another moment with a final deep breath in, before giving him a nod.
"Yeah.. Yeah, you can keep going.."
"Are you sure you're ready..? It's okay if you're not.. we can slow down."
"I'm sure.. I want you to keep going.. I'm ready."
He raised a single brow like he was asking for permission with the glance. I granted him one more nod and whispered the words "keep going."
With another kiss, he slowly began unbuttoning the rest of my shirt, leaving it on my shoulders only exposing my chest.
"God, you're so beautiful.." He said, staring me up in down in great detail, making sure he didn't miss one bit of me.
"I'm not-..." I began before he cut me off.
"Don't you dare say something negative about yourself right now... There's nobody I'd rather be with than you. Especially right here. Right now. Got it?"
"..Got it." I grinned
"Good." He sat me up quickly, gently pinning my back against the wall, before he kissed me again.
"God, please hurry up.." I giggled a bit, growing somewhat impatient.
"Be patient, McKinley." He smirked, still taking his sweet time.
"I don't want patience, I want you."
He finally obliged, unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans.
"Only us..." He smiled as he brought our lips together, tugging at my open shirt collar.
Only us.