Chapter 41: Rain Clouds First Thing in the Morning

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When I woke up to a text from my mom I was excited. It had been ages and, I don't know, it was boring here. I had things to do, people to talk to, sure, but somehow the evenings were long. Why did I want to know there was someone in the next room? Even if they were both home they'd probably be too busy working to talk to me.

If they got home and they found out I was having issues at school would they be angry with me? After all the reason they were working so hard, wasn't it because of me? They wanted me to go to a good school and do well and have a good life. Those are good things for parents to want.

So why did I hate going home some days.

When I came home and even before I unlocked the door I could see the lights off and that strange damp rising from the floor that always seemed to appear whenever no one was home. It was like the house itself was lonely and weeping, because it smelled of water.

I couldn't explain the feeling, when some days it didn't matter at all. Some days I was relieved to know there would be no one at home, no one to get angry at me that a teacher had told me off or wanted to speak to them. No one to get angry that I ripped my school shirt, lost a button or cut my forehead.

Still, wouldn't it be an interesting feeling to come back home with the lights burning from somewhere within the house, that little extra warmth sinking in when I enter the doorway that hints at the appliances having been used... maybe even the scent of food cooking for dinner?

It used to be that way. Not all the time but my mom was usually home when I got back from primary school. She was working though and when she wasn't she was stressed out, yelling at someone on the phone. She didn't cook often either, back in Thailand she was used to buying food out all the time and never really learned to cook even though grandma cooked all the time.

I missed my grandma. She had the same spot on the centre of her forehead that my father did, a birth mark, even though they weren't related. It made me stare every time I saw someone Hindu or Jain with a bindi on their forehead, because it reminded me of both of them.

[ M o m ]  Hello Akara

I was just typing in a response when the next text buzzed through.

[ M o m ]  There's a problem with the next delivery and I need to work. Will you be alright on your own?

I stared at the phone in my hand, feeling my shoulders slump slightly. There was always this slight burn of embarrassment whenever I felt this disappointment. Like, I shouldn't care or something. But it sucked and sometimes I felt more sick of it than others.

[ M e ]   thats fine

I sighed out loud.

[ M o m ]   It's been a while. Maybe we can skype? Would you like that?

I groaned.

[ M e ]   sure

I hate skyping. I hate calls and video chatting and even texting. It all fucking sucks.

[ M o m ]   I have added money to your account for you to pick up some takeaway.

[ M e ]   okay cool

[ M o m ]   I love you and dad does too

[ M e ]   love you too

I wiped the sleep from my my eyes as I stretched in my bed, accidentally kicking a volume of manga out of the foot of my bed. At some point I must have fallen asleep reading it, my bedside light was still on. I switched it off and put my feet on the floor, looking up at the window, the blinds drawn down but slices of slight still made its way into the room.

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