Tolkien Elven Imagines and Headcanons Volume 1

156. Gwindor - Wilting Confidence

"I am utterly worthless..." He breathed out to you finally and you frowned deeply at his words, you shook your head quickly at his words. Stark surprise filling you at the sudden self depreciation that left his mouth. Gwindor was always optimistic, and yet... this was not like your love.

"That is not true Gwindor." You countered just as quickly, beginning to rub his back softly moving to press a soft kiss to his temple as another heavy breath left him.

"It is true, meldanya... It is foolish to ignore the fact that I can offer nothing to both the council or to you." You practically hissed at the words that he spoke, knowing that it was far from the truth and that the council's treatment of your husband was entirely unjust and unfair. The fact the King Orodreth had done nothing to stave off the rude comments about your husband's condition infuriated you. You couldn't imagine just how long this had been going on...

"Gwindor, what in Eru's name would make you say such things?" You pressed with hurt in your voice, as you were not used to hearing Gwindor's self esteem be so low. You knew he could get tired and exhausted and overwhelmed... You knew of his nightmares and flashbacks. But this was entirely new to you. Still Gwindor did not raise his head to face you, clearly ashamed of himself and not having the heart to face you.

"I only speak the same truth in which the council speaks of. I can do nothing to protect you, to keep Nargothrond safe." He began, keeping his voice even and emotionless as he spoke. Gwindors voice low and raspy, and he brought his good hand down to cover his grey eyes and as you tilted your head to see more of his face, you could see streaks glisten in the light of the fire from his tears.

"I cannot master even what a Prince has managed, with the same ailment as myself... Menial tasks are even difficult for me. Let us not even discuss how unattractive I am as well as added to the list of worthlessness." Gwindor continued,

"You have been far deserving of someone fair, strong and more well liked than myself. I was selfish in asking you to be mine." You felt fire burning through your veins as he finished, openly confessing to you now that you had asked. Typical for Gwindor as he didn't like to burden you with his thoughts if he felt they were not welcomed or wanted... Gently you brought a hand to his cheek, and he turned his head to face away from you. Fury filled you, though it was not directed at him, it was the fact that the surmounting issues with council helped fester his insecurities.

"Gwindor... look at me." You whispered, but he didn't budge. Stubborn... when he wanted to be at least. Quietly you moved from your spot on the couch, kneeling before him and taking his face into your hands, letting your thumb wipe away the trail of tears. He did nothing to thwart your affections,

"You are not worthless." You began strongly giving him little room to debate or counter against what you said so firmly and full of intense conviction.

"The council does not speak the truth on the elf that you are. Your worth is measured more than in just your ability to pick up a sword, and I do not expect for you to be as a Feanorian is with a sword, Gwindor. You are not Prince Maedhros, and I do not want a Prince Maedhros." You began sitting up on your knees to press a kiss to his forehead, lingering for a long moment and allowing your words to settle and sink into his mind.

"You are compassionate, wise, gentle and strong Gwindor." You knew not everyone would come out of thralldom and have half the optimism he did, though you knew Gwindor had low moments. You expected nothing less,

"You are worthy and provide invaluable counsel to those who need it, you're helpful and warm. The Councilmen are the ones who seem to be doing everything in their power to not listen to what would keep Nargothrond safe. They are utter fools to not listen to you, and Turin equally as so if not more to keep thwarting every word you speak." Pressing your forehead to his, feeling him move his hands from his face, keeping his eyes closed as you held his face still.

Leaning up to press another kiss to the top of his head and forehead, you knew you couldn't fix or solve the problem entirely with your words. But you hoped that at least you could help put some better confidence in him so he could build himself up. Gwindor only sighed leaning forward and to the side, resting his head on your shoulder as you sat up on your knees, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck.

"And Gwindor... You are so beautiful." You whispered sweetly resting your head against his as you held him, but slowly he shook his head. Failing to see how that could possibly be the case as the days of youthfulness in appearance was gone, his hair grayed even from the torture... it was not so much the scars that bothered him as it had been the aging. Your fingers running through the coarse strands, untangling at your gentle brushing holding him close to you as you two sat together in silence for a moment.

"I adore your grey hair, and how expressive you appear with the fine lines... and missing your hand has never taken away your beauty. I despise how you came to have the things I love about you, but they've never taken away from your beauty." You whispered to him in his long pointed ear, feeling him finally begin pulling away to look at you. His eyes puffy and red from his crying, and still glistening with tears that shed down his cheeks, and quick were you to bring your hands up to hold his face again.

"If asking me to be yours was selfish, then I shall thank Eru everyday for it. For I want nothing more than you in my life, if it is selfish of you to ask for my time and affections then I beg of you to be more selfish with me Gwindor." You gave him a soft smile meaning every single word that dripped from your lips, heavily emphasizing every word so he'd know that you meant what you said.

At this Gwindor sighed beginning to nod his head, swallowing thickly as you searched his face intently. You brought a hand to hold his good one, smiling still at him as you squeezed it with care.

"How about a bath together hm?" You suggested, thumb gently caressing him.

"And then we lay down to rest." Gwindor quietly looked over your face, his expression not breaking even still. Slowly he began to nod at your words, prompting you to stand and gently pull him to his feet. Gwindor following your lead, and you hoped that the extra love and affection you could shower him in would help make him feel better.

Before pulling him along to the bathroom you stood on your toes, gently pulling him down so you could kiss his lips. Gwindor indulging you in your affections, even if he was slightly hesitant, leaning down to kiss you gently. Lips melding softly against yours, and hearing the soft sigh that escaped him at the affection before you two parted slightly.

"I love you Gwindor... And everything about you." You whispered to him warmly, and finally you watched his face visibly relax and a very faint smile pulling at his lips.

"I love you too, Y/N..." He whispered in return, and at that you gently began to pull him to the bathroom, happy to help take care of him. You only hoped that you could help make Gwindor feel better... and that maybe the council would finally listen to your sweet husband...