Why? (A glee fanfiction) {Faberritana} [Complete]

Chapter 64

"I'm stressed" Madison makes a grab for the box but Emma moves "Please! I just need to calm down"

"You want your mind off of everything?" She nods and I give her a big kiss "How are you now?"

"I am Yours" She smiles dopily and walks into the room "That was amazing"

"You broke her" I laugh with Emma for a little bit "I'm going to throw these away"

I nod and walk back into the room. I'm quickly grabbed by Lucy and smile. I pick her up and start feeding her. They are all probably hungry. It is finally morning.

-Emma pov-
I'm in the closest bathroom washing my hands. I hate holding drugs! I sigh and start to walk out when the door opens. I look confused as Donald walks in.

"Uhhh this isn't the men's restroom" He locks the door and then walks to the sink "Donald?"

"I saw you walk in and needed to talk" He sighs and turns to look at me "How's Shelby doing? Truly"

"She's stressed over Judy being in here right now but beside that fine" I look at him confused "Why?"

"We found this on Christmas and I told my wife I would show any of you but" he pulls out a paper and hands it to me "You need to watch her right now"

I open it and feel my heart shatter as I read-

'My therapist told me to write everything down. This isn't for that. This is for the stress I've been feeling for so long. I feel like I'm not good enough...and now with more mouths to feed and family to love...I don't know how much more I can go on. I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up.

I know I keep pretending to be fine but I'm not. Everyone has been getting better and appointments are being lowered everyday. I've been using my acting skills to get out of mine. They'll believe you if you are pretending to get better. They all just want you to get better.

I got a loaded gun under the pillow. Just one more day and I'm done. I can't hit these girls but I can't hurt anymore. I just wanna be free. I love them and I wanna be with them but they don't need me. They all don't need me. No one ever has needed me.

I hope...I hope they know how much I love them. I hope they just know that. And to you that found this...please let them know I love them.'

"I'll be back" I hand the paper to Donald "Just stall"

I unlock the door and take off for the car. I get in and drive back home. I run out of the car and into the house. I run straight to bedroom and hope I won't find what was on the paper. I feel physically ill when I left up her pillow.

"No shelby" I pick it up and pull out the magazine. It's loaded "No"

I fall to the ground tears falling. Everything was supposed to be getting better! We were all supposed to be better....why do we have to be back to square one?

Why?

-Time skip-Shelby pov-
I'm feeding Beth while the older ones actually eat. Dad and mom have been in the room. It's weird but he said Emma sent them in. I wonder where she went.

"You" I look up at the door and see Emma with tear streaks down her face "You aren't alone and you are loved! You are the one that brings us all together! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO FUCKING STUPID?!"

"What are you talking about Emma?" I start to stand up "Are you ok?"

"This!" I freeze when I see the gun magazine "This is what I mean"

"Y-you took the paper?" I look at her confused "Why?"

"We did" I look over at my dad "And I showed it to her because you are being stupid! These girls need you and love you!"

"Mom?" I look over at Rachel who looks pale and scared "Wh-where was that?"

"Under my pillow" I look at the ground in front of me as tears start to fall "I was gonna do it tonight"

"She~"

"I FAILED!" I look at Judy "I didn't pay attention to all of the signs and you are here now! I failed as your fiancé!"

"You didn't fail" Judy looks at her hands and sighs "I haven't been taking my care of myself enough and the meds was to fix that"

"What do you mean?" I look at Emma then Madison who share the confused look I have "What happened?"

"I've been lacking some vitamins and iron...they say I also MAY HAVE diabetes" She rolls her eyes and shrugs "Such is life"

"Why are you taking all of this so well?" She chuckles "What?"

"Because I know I have a support group in you all" She looks at me with a sweet smile "I know I've got my family"

"I don't wanna lose you girls" I feel tears fall down my face and I Shake my head "I just don't know how to get better! I'm never gettin better...the thoughts are always there"

"You haven't done anything to try and get better" I look at Judy confused "I've seen you wasting time at other places instead of at therapy"

"Y-you knee?" She nods "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I wanted you to talk to us first" She looks me in the eyes "Because I want you to want help"

"I-I-I" I feel my body shaking as I start to breakdown. I look at Beth in my arms and then my family in the room "I want help....I want help"

"Then we will get you help" I look at Judy who motions me over "Come here"

I hand my mom Beth and walk over. Judy pulls me into her and I let everything out. I scream, I sob, and I just let everything go. I've been holding it in for so long...I just finally cracked.

"Is mommy ok?" I hear worry in deans voice "Mommy sound set"

"Mommy is fine baby" I hear Emma sniffle "Mommy is gonna be just fine"

And for once I truly do feel like those words are true. I truly feel like I'm going to be fine. This could be a start to something better. I've hit rock bottom and all that's left is back up. This time I know I have my family beside me.

"You ok?" I pull back and look at Judy "Truthfully"

"No" I smile and give her a quick kiss "But I will be"