Marvel Imagines pt. 3

Broken 💧 Bucky

Song: Lund - Broken.

A/n: okay so a lot of people only think about women when hearing about rape and all that kind of stuff, but it happens to guys just as much so I just wanted to write something that showed that side. If you're not comfortable with this just don't read it.

Also I was really debating wether or not I should post it but I hope I made the right call.

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Bucky was straight up lying to you, right to your face this right very moment.

He told you he woke up because of the nightmares about killing, about hearing people scream. He wasn't entirely lying about that last part though.

He could hear himself scream over and over again, the weight of another crushing him, pinning him down and cutting off his air supply. And that evil laugh, it plagued his dreams.

It makes him wake up sweating and his chest heaving, and it wakes you up too. But you don't mind.

'What happened Buck?, another nightmare?' You ask and he silently nods while keeping his gaze in front of him.

You slide out of your side of the bed and move around to his side before sitting down in front of him, angling his face up to meet your gaze.

'What happened?' You ask, it's a routine question. It always gets the same answer but this time around that simply won't do.

'I heard people screaming, I saw my hands killing people...' he lies as a tear slips down his cheek.

The tear isn't from the nightmare itself, it's from deceiving you. From stringing you along hoping that he could give everything to you that you deserve, you deserved to be showered with love and affection and he just can't give it to you, not completely anyway, and it breaks his heart every time you give him what he can't give back to you.

Sex has never been a subject that you both talked about, it wasn't even brought up yet. You didn't seem to care that there was no sex and you were happy either way. But still Bucky felt like he owed that to you,and yet he couldn't get the image out of his head, the man laying on top, forcing him to do something so intimate.

You reach to cup his cheek but he inches back. Flinching away so that you're out of his reach.

'Buck...' you softly say trying to calm him.

'Don't..touch me...please...' he says, his voice cracking and a little on the breathy side. He's now standing on the other side of the room, as far away from you as possible.

'This isn't just a nightmare...something else is going on...you know you can tell me anything right?' You ask and he nods.

He knows he can but in some way he's scared that you will end up leaving him for someone else, which is your right, he believes. Or maybe that you won't see him as the brave and strong man you think he is. He's afraid you'll laugh at him like everyone else did when he told them. To just brush it off and move on, that he must've wanted it, that he deserved-

'Bucky...' you pull him from his thoughts.

'If there's something else bothering you please tell me...' you're on the verge of crying too, which gives Bucky the idea that you mean it.

Bucky hesitates, it will brush a weight off of his shoulders if he tells someone he truly trusts. But he can't lose the only thing keeping him from wanting to just tap out.

'Whatever it is, I won't judge, I won't laugh, I'm here for you no matter what...if it's embarrassing well, I have a shit ton of embarrassment on my tab...but Bucky please you're scaring me...'

'I...I lied...' Bucky starts and he mentally slaps himself, off to a good start.

'I don't have nightmares about screaming people...or killing other people, well not most of the time...' as he continues his story, his throat starts closing up, the lump becoming more and more present.

'It happened at one of Starks Parties...you went to sleep early, you were tired of the mission...'

'I remember that yeah...' you reply to let him know you're listening to every word he's saying.

'I was tipsy, god I don't know how but...I somehow got dragged into another room on the same floor...I didn't want to but i was in there before I knew it...'

You nod, noticing he's still afraid to look you in the eye, his whole body is screaming that he's hesitant and uncomfortable, but he keeps going.

'He locked the door and...he ended up...tying me down...I couldn't move my arms...I wanted to move them I swear...I didn't want to be there but he kept insisting and started undressing me and...' he stops to wipe away some tears and you slowly clasp a hand over your mouth while the waterworks on your side start to work too.

'I screamed out but the music....the music was too loud...eventually I started being so loud that he wrapped his hand around my neck, I couldn't breathe...I couldn't- fuck I couldn't do anything!...he just laughed while I...and then after he was done....he told me that if I would ever tell anyone he would...he would kill you off because for him you're competition..'

You slowly push yourself off of the bed as he continues.

'I want to give everything to you but I can't because every time I see his face and...I wish I could because you deserve that-'

'Stop.' You say stern making his head turn your way.

'You've done nothing but make me happy and I don't care that you think you're not enough because I know you are...and god help his soul if I ever encounter the man that dared to even lay a finger on you because I'm prepared to go to jail for first degree murder...I don't need sex with you Buck...I don't need anything from you if you're not ready...I know you love me...I don't need sex to know that...' you slowly step closer to him, careful not to scare him like you did a couple minutes ago.

You try to read his face and you see he's scared but also relieved.

'Can I-' you want to ask him if it's okay to touch him but he instead dives in for a hug.

You feel his arms wrap tightly around you and his head buries itself into the crook of your neck while your fingers tangle in his hair.

His shoulders shake violently as he lets everything out from the past year. You just hold him, making him feel safe.

Little by little you try to fix him, piece by piece like a puzzle, the last piece of the puzzle falling into place.

And now you go on to the next puzzle, until you've had all of it.