Hired as Harry Styles's Agent

Part 63 - Don't do this to yourself

Eirin’s POV

Harry stared at me for a long time just staring into my eyes as my eyes filled with water slowly. I can’t even describe the way he looked at me, like he felt used and disinterested. Making me feel even more scared that he would leave me.

‘’Look I have been thinking about this really hard and I think we should have an open marriage’’ He said all of a sudden looking down at the floor. ‘’Wh… wha. What?’’ I asked again really confused and unbelieving.

‘’I think we should date others but without people knowing.’’ He said again gazing up at me slowly but bitter. ‘’No!’’ I raised my voice. ‘’No, we’re not going to do that. We can’t because of your carrier, it will break it and destroy it. We can work this out, please Styles.’’ I felt my nerves setting on fire, my anger building up and wanting to explode just like my feelings right now.

‘’I’m sorry but I’ll never be able to look at you the same way as I did before, I know we have been through a lot but this… You slept with my band mate, my best friend, your best friend.. The guy I’m in a band with…’’ He stared at me closing his eyes then opening them as tears fell from his eyes.

‘’But what do your heart want? I mean… Do you still love me?’’ I asked embarrassed of the question but in despair. ‘’Of course I love you, but… I feel so used…’’ he whispered sobbing. ‘’I have something for you that I wanted to give you when we maybe would go on a honeymoon, but I think now is better than never.’’ I said standing up and walking to the kitchen getting a huge box.

I walked back and I kneeled down on the floor in front of him. ‘’This box Harry Styles is our life, I want you to read..’’ I said opening the box and lifting out my diary. ‘’This book is my diary, I started writing in it every day since we met. And I think you should have it.’’ I said giving him the book, he stared at me questioning if he was going to take it or not.

‘’I know a long time ago you heard me singing in the shower and I want to sing to you know, letting you hear how much I love you.’’ I said getting the guitar at the end of the couch.

Slowly I stared singing the song Don’t let go by En Vogue, after I sang the song he stared at me loss of words. ‘’I have another one’’, I said singing You’ve lost that loving feeling by the righteous brothers.

*Now there's no welcome look in your eyes
when I reach for you.
And now your're starting to critisize little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying, (baby).
'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying.

Baby, baby, I get down on my knees for you.

If you would only love me like you used to do, yeah.

We had a love...a love...a love you don't find everyday.

So don't...don't...don't...don't let it slip away.

Baby (baby), baby (baby),
I beg of you please...please,
I need your love (I need your love), 
I need your love (I need your love),
So bring it on back (So bring it on back), 
Bring it on back (so bring it on back).*

I stared at him straight into his eyes as I whispered ‘That I’m in love with you, remember that.. Because I’ll never stop loving you’’

I started crying because of the song and I sat how Harry’s face didn’t change so I couldn’t do this. I throw the guitar into the wall and I ran upstairs. I throw everything I saw into the wall and throwing it on the floor. I screamed my lungs out going mad.

After a while I had nothing more to throw and break, everything is gone. Even a frame of the boys and me on tour. I curled my fragile body up against a corner of the bedroom lifting my knees up to my chest wrapping my arms around them as I silently sobbed.

I have been through so much and I keep hurting Harry. How could he go back on tour with Niall there when he slept with me. How am I going to be able to live knowing I broke up the band, knowing I broke up our family.

// Almost a day later

‘’Eirin?’’ a voice made me come back to life. ‘’How long have you been sitting there? Please come down and eat’’ Harry’s voice said again. I was too tired to lift my head up, I hadn’t eaten, or had something to drink. My head was killing me from crying so much, my entire face was sore and swollen.

‘’I… c.c.can’t move’’ my voice cracked sore from crying hard and screaming. Harry didn’t hesitate, he lifted me up from the floor carrying me down stairs. He sat me down on the kitchen counter while he turned around making me some food and getting me water.

‘’Please don’t do this to yourself, your stronger than this… Your always the stronger one of us and now… Your killing yourself’’ He whispered worried brushing his hand over my cheek making me flinch by the sudden pain.

He moved back somehow scared and he gave me the food, i stared down at the sandwich he had made me and I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t feel hungry I felt crushed by a train, then burned, then tortured all over again.

‘’Please Eirin, you need to eat’’ he whispered holding up the food. I turned my head away from him and I jumped down the counter. He quickly grabbed my hand turning me around. ‘’I read it’’ he whispered.

I just kept quiet looking at him. ‘’I read everything and…. I know I should hate you and Niall but your my family. I can’t live without you. I just guess after me kissing a few girls and hurting you so much I deserve you sleeping with my mate.’’ His sad voice suddenly went lost at the end.

‘’You don’t deserve this, I’m the one who shouldn’t me here. I’m only hurting you how can you forgive me?! How can you forgive me? How?’’ I raised my voice confused and scared but most of all a little happy.

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From author: OMG! GUYS WE REACHED 5K READERS!. I'm freaking out! God you guys are amazing! I love you again and again, for reaching 5000 readers i'll be posting a  part again today after work tonight. Monday 8, September, Time: 18:00 (GMT + 2:00) (My timezone is the same as in England. So late tonight a new part is coming because i love you amazing readers! Much love and kisses from Elisabeth Evy