I Am Only One {Mature Vampire Romance}

Book 4|15. Never Again

Even though he was furious with me, Cage let out a snarl. I knew it was toward Marku. I ignored it. I needed to keep going. "I provoked him...I called him a...pussy..." Cage's eyebrow rose. "...so he would unchain me. He did. I pushed him to the edge, ridiculing him and even punching him in the face. All for one purpose..." I had to take a minute. The horrible memory of that moment washed over me. I wiped the tears I couldn't keep contained with the back of my hand. "I was trying to get him angry enough to...kill me."

Cage hissed, but still didn't speak.

"But he didn't. He pulled away. But he had gotten close enough, that I was able to get the dagger from his belt. And before he could stop me..." I looked down and twisted my hands together. "I plunged the dagger into my chest."

"Fuck," Cage growled. I glanced up to him. His brow was furrowed, pain in his expression. He paced to the couch and back to me, then waited for me to continue.

"After that, Marku hid all of the knives away from me. But...I found one," I whispered, my voice catching in my throat.

Cage stared at me intently, recognizing the shift in my emotions and struggle in my voice. There really wasn't an easy way to say it. The truth was the truth. I rasped brokenly, "I did it...it was me...I killed our baby!"

"What?!" he inhaled sharply.

I couldn't support my weight any longer and slid down the door, landing on my butt. My body shook with sobs, but I bit my lip, forcing myself to be silent.

He crouched in front of me, and grasped me roughly by the shoulders, giving me a shake. "What do you mean?! Why...why would you kill our child?!"

"I didn't know!" I wailed. "I didn't know I was..." I gasped for air in between sobs. "I just wanted the pain to stop...for just a minute. I refused to break our mate bond, it was the only thing I had left of you...or so I thought," I said bitterly. "But I was in agony...I thought...I just thought it would help....just a few minutes."

He released my arms and sat back on the ground, confusion and mistrust etched on his face. "You thought what would help?"

"The knife was silver..." I whispered. "It had helped Tobias, so..."

"Oh fuck," he exhaled, understanding finally coming to his eyes. I had already told him this story. Now he knew what I meant. "You mutilated your legs...with a silver knife."

I nodded, weeping openly now. I cried, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I never meant to hurt our baby!"

He stared at me in shock.

I couldn't face him, not after what I had done, and dropped my head into my hands. I wanted to scream, the pain in my chest was suffocating me, splitting me in two. My body shook and convulsed with sobs.

Abruptly, Cage scooted his body right in front of mine. His strong arms banded around me and he clutched me tightly to his chest. He kissed my hair and murmured, "Shh, Tigru...I understand now.  It wasn't your fault. You didn't know."

I shook my head against his chest, my tears soaking his shirt. "I should have known. I was a mother...how could I not have known?!"

He didn't answer. He just gathered me tightly in a ball against his chest, his legs bent on either side, and rocked our bodies, while he whispered soft shushing sounds. I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung tightly to him, letting out all of the pain and heartache I had kept from him.  Eventually my tears slowed. He never spoke, just waited patiently, murmuring soothing noises against my hair. I hiccupped and sniffled as I mumbled, "I, I'm sorry..."

"I know you are, Tigru...I know." He smoothed the hair away from my face and tilted my chin up to look at him. His deep silvery pools held me gaze. After a moment, he asked quietly, "Why didn't you tell me?"