Serendipity (Book 2)

iShould've Told You by Edio

Chapter 9

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If there was one question Freddie didn't like answering, it was, "What does it feel like to have cancer?" It wasn't because it was a stupid question, not even because it offended him in any way. It was because it was such a difficult question to answer. It's not like asking someone how a broken leg feels, or even what you feel when you have a heart attack. Cancer is not an event, it's something you endure. The experience changes you at an intrinsic level of your being. There were days when he felt like any normal teenager, full of the same thoughts, dreams and passion. Some days, he could feel his illness more acutely. There was a deep weariness that no amount of rest could remove. A few days, he couldn't fall asleep because he feared not waking up gain. Then there were the days he was so full of pain, he wished it was all over. But those weren't the worst days - the worst were the days he didn't care.

"So I'm Carly".

"And I'm Sam."

"Thank you for all being such fantastic fans of our show."

"But we are awesome so we deserve all of it."

"There is one more important thing before we go. Take it away Freddie."

Freddie spun the camera around.

"Hello out there. Last time I told you all about what's going on with me. Well, the time has come for me to go. I'm going to be leaving rainy old Washington State and head for Maryland and start my treatment. You guys have been awesome with your support. So thank you for all your well wishes. I even had to upgrade our mail server to handle all of it. It will really help me out through this whole thing. Thanks again, I love you, guys. I don't know exactly how long I'll be gone, but I'll be in touch. I'll be lurking around the iCarly site so I'll reach out from time to time. I made Carly and Sam promise to keep the show going without me and asked some friends to help. It'll still be on, but just maybe not as regularly. When I come back though, I'll be stronger than ever so don't get too used to the new guy. So I guess this is goodbye for now. See you later!"

He turned the camera back on Carly and Sam. Both of them were crying.

"C'mon you guys, you promised wouldn't do this," he admonished.

"We're sorry but we can't help it!" Carly bawled and both of them ran towards the camera. The picture tilted upwards and shook as the two girls embraced him. With the girls' sobbing in the background, Freddie's voice came from off screen and said. "I guess that's it. See you next time everybody," then the screen went black.

Freddie Benson left Seattle almost eight months ago. The life he'd lived since was so different; he might as well have been another person. He once envied that other guy - the Freddie before cancer - a younger, happy-go-lucky version of himself who grew up in an insulated environment, who was ignorant of the suffering that went on every day around him. He just surrounded himself with friends and spent his time on trivial things. That Freddie led himself to believe that love could conquer anything. He came all the way across the country full of hope. Now, he just didn't care much about the person he used to be.

He hadn't really been asleep, but he seemed to drift in an out of consciousness. Freddie sometimes found it difficult to tell the difference between what was real and what was a medication induced delirium. He forced his eyes open; it was difficult to do. At first he just stared at the ceiling, squinting from the pale fluorescent light. The patterns on the panels above him formed twisted, leering faces that swam in and out of focus as he adjusted his vision. His neck was sore from the awkward angle he fell asleep in. Slowly, he rolled his head around to work out the kinks before he looked at his surroundings.