Not A Simple Engineer Boy!

Six: Black Hole (Part 3)

He knew what Subhadra had implied to Satya, but he hadn't expected her to be there immediately. Standing in front of him with her defiant chin standing out and her curls flowing arrogantly, she looked as gorgeous as he had dreamt of her, every fucking night.

"Won't you welcome me to your castle?", she asked sarcastically, "Or are you planning to throw me out?"

Stopping himself to gape at her like a naive teen, "Oh, welcome to my humble abode!", he retorted.

He noticed her, he noticed every fucking thing and was amazed by how well his darling hid her body's reaction to him. Behind her calm posture, she was struggling to breathe normally. He was standing in front of her, half-naked, and she acted as if she couldn't feel anything.

You haven't changed at all.

Her comment rang in his ears.

He did make sure to put a show of the "unaffected ex-spouse" like she did. But he was walking on a thin layer of ice and he knew it could break anytime.

She sashayed her way into the house, her fingers waking a melody over walls and furniture. His urge to pull her for a kiss and stop himself from doing it, both, were on a battlefield. And it was pure torture for him to silently observe as her fingers slowly grazed over the sofa.

"You didn't even get me a glass of water yet.", she sat comfortably on the sofa, her legs crossed over each other, "Your hospitality sucks."

"Losers aren't the best hosts around the globe.", he bit back. She inhaled sharply; it was clear that she was losing her temper. He stood in front of her, his eyes focusing on the mole just above her valley of breast. How many times had he kissed it? Infinite, and every time she had moaned in pleasure.

Why am I doing this?

Closing his eyes, he huffed and turned around to get her some water.

He filled a glass of water and simultaneously mentally kicked himself to stop dreaming, to not end up being traumatized again. He wanted answers and a clear closure to move on with his life. Yes, that's all. She was his past, that's fucking all it was.

He was addicted to her; she had claimed his life before and she could do it again. He didn't want any of it. He was tired of taking it too far, he hated the idea of hating her.

"Xav..."

He felt her cool fingers on his naked back, over his scars, slowly dancing their way to his waist. He tightened his hold on the countertop and closed his eyes. He just wanted answers, only answers.

"I am moving to Germany.", she breathed next to his shoulder, lightly hugging him from behind, "I cleared an interview for the Post-Doc--"

He turned in a swift move and grabbed her teasing arm in a tight hold, "The fuck you came here to explain to me how to fucking ruin my life?", he felt his eyes burning and he couldn't figure out whether it was anguish or lust.

"Did I ask you about anything? Or asked your plans about how to wreck my life?", he snarled, "Then why now?"

Subhadra didn't budge, she didn't cry in pain, and there was no sign of tears.

"It has been five fucking years, Subhadra!", he screamed in pain, "You asked me to sign those fucking papers and I did. Did you ever care to give me an explanation!?"

She stood like a pillar; nothing ever had fazed her and nothing would anymore.

It triggered him like anything, "I didn't say a word because I saw that you wanted to fucking leave me and I signed for mutual consent.", his grip tightened on her wrist, "Subhadra, five years I have been silent, trying to understand, trying to move on, trying to not think about you every waking moment."

"Xav..."

"And you dare to waltz in my house, check if I am still the same loser you left me to be?"

His vice grip tightened further, he wasn't aware of the pain he was inflicting on her, the pain he felt inside his heart every day.

And then in a flash, he felt his right cheek stinging from the slap. She had slapped him, finally.

Answers...

Her eyes were gleaming with unshed tears and anger, "I left you as I hated the idea of hating you, I left... Because I loved you.", she muttered.

"Loved?", he barked, ignoring the sharp pain in his cheek, "You tore me apart inch by inch, took my heart, and smashed it." he held her face in his left hand, fingers digging into her soft skin as he forced her to look into his eyes, "You fucking scarred me for life."

"Xav...", she whimpered.

"Look at me. Have I ever raised my voice at you, or anyone for that matter?", his eyes drilled into her charcoal-black orbs, "What have you done to me, Subhadra? What have I become? I am screaming, hurting you now."

"I loved you, Xav.", she kept chanting.

"Tell me one thing, Subhadra, just one thing that made you take such a drastic step." his other hand grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, "I had poured my heart and life for you, where did I go wrong!?", he cried.

She cupped his face in both of her hands, like the way she had used to hold him every day to give a peck on his chin to show how much she loved him.

He paused and waited for her answer. Just the answers.

"The day when you had decided you weren't worthy of what you dreamt, the day when you had started loving me more than yourself...that was the day I knew I had lost you.", her thumbs wiped tears from his cheek, gently caressing him.

His heart stopped beating as he listened, he couldn't feel anything anymore.

"I didn't love a random normal guy, Xav. I was in love with a madman, a supergenius, a very crazy engineer, and you, you had started to settle for mediocrity, you had started to compromise yourself to shit...for me."

"Day by day you had become a stranger, and it had hurt me. I had tried to support you, scold you, insult you. Nothing worked. Do you even know how heartbreaking it was for me to see you make a fool out of yourself?" she asked him, her eyes searching his, "I was the one who had started to rob you of all the chances", she choked, her voice breaking like glass.

"And then, I decided to end it.", she leaned in closer, "I had to let you go."

His eyes were hot, tears continuously falling as she justified her act of breaking his heart with a world-class idiotic explanation.

"I knew it would hurt you, hurt me, but at least I wouldn't hate you.", she whispered, "We can't be together because you would destroy yourself for me."

He leaned in and their lips met. They kissed slowly, every second hanging there for eons.

---

A/N

I so wanted to divide this chapter into two parts after editing as the word count is way higher than regular. But, I won't be able to emote things the way they should be, so yeah, sorry for a very long chapter.

Also, the father of all toxicity- "Kabir Singh" had great songs. My husband loves "Bekhayali" like anything, and the song suits this chapter so well, so here it is!

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