Diamond: The Original

Chapter 77 "Boys don't cry"

~Ethan~

My throat was burning just like my eyes, the lump in my throat was choking me and the tears in my eyes... I fought will all my might to don't let the water that clouded my sight turn into tears in my cheeks.

I remember that one time I cried in front of my father, I was four and he scared me, he has always scared me... I remember I ran to my room with a lump in my throat that didn't help my tears, I sat on the floor, with my back leaned against one of the four corners of the room, I hugged my legs, making myself smaller, I used to wish I was smaller...

Invisible.

Jerry followed me to my room, he always followed me to finish what he started but that day I didn't have time to hide, I was what he saw first when he opened the door, a four-year-old kid with his eyes filled with tears and his cheeks wetted by the traces of them.

I remember that I closed my eyes and shrugged even more when he raised his hand, as if that was supposed to stop the blow... As if, if I didn't look, it wouldn't hurt. It always did, but that day I didn't feel his hand on me like I had already did a couple of times.

I opened first one of my red eyes unsure about if it was a smart decision. I ended looking up to him with my eyes still filled with tears, I was crying, and he crouched down to lift my chin, forcing me look at him as he stared at me, analyzing me.

"What are you doing, kid? Boys don't cry." Was what he told me, I sniffed wanting to wipe away my tears because he didn't like them.

He was the one who wiped away those tears, and for some reason, I still felt terrified as he ran his thumb through my cheeks.

"What does boys do when they feel upset then?" I struggled to ask, shuttering as my voice reflected my fear.

Jerry smirked, that day I decided that I hated his smirks.

"They fake a smile, force a laugh and tell a joke."

Those three actions had defined my life since then. I never cried, he taught me that day that crying was for weak people, nor that I cared if I was weak or not but I did care about his opinion... So for then on I became the sarcastic boy who nobody got to know in deep to discover those laughs were forced and those jokes hid something behind them.

༄ ❅ ༄

I didn't know how I ended sat on the sofa of Chrystal's dorm but there I was, being hunt by all my memories. I had won the fight against my tears, I didn't cry, not since he ruined me the most human way of expressing emotions.

But I wasn't human, Jerry didn't lose a chance to remind me that.

"Ethan..." Chrystal's sweet voice made me look to the door, from which she had just entered.

Damn, that dress looked too good on her, I used all my self control today to don't look at her neckline... Though I had some lapses in which I had to remember myself that I had to look up to find her face.

I didn't say anything to Chrystal, I thought about smiling at her but I barely got my lips to curve. She didn't wait for me to say something, she had sat next to me in the sofa, at my left.

"Iria told us about your mother..."

Those words froze me, you could say Chrystal was being very careful in choosing her words but knowing someone told her the shitty story of my life sent shivers down my spine.