THE 150th HUNGER GAMES

The Aftermath

Zoe Vessel's (District 5) P.O.V:

Zeke.

I can't believe he's gone. That it was actually him I watched eat that poisonous plant in the arena. That his cannon actually fired. That he actually died in the Games.

He was my brother. My brother who was born on the exact same day as me, who I grew up alongside, who I formed a bond unlike no other with, who I cared for and loved with all my heart. It just can't be possible that he is gone. It can't be possible that someone can just have their life taken from them like that when they have a reason to live and family who loves them and all these memories made and a happy life in general- it makes me so upset that they can just be cut off from everything in the blink of an eye. And it's not only painful for this person who dies, but for their heartbroken loved ones, too. For with him goes a part of me. With his absence, I feel...incomplete, almost. Like I've lost a third of me. And I suppose that it's true, in a way, that a third of me is gone, for I am one of three triplets, and only two of us remain.

Zakary is devastated, even more upset than I am, if that's possible. Once he got past denial that Zeke was dead, he settled into a depressed state in which he will not speak to anyone, eat anything, or sleep at all. He's always been a bit, oh, how do I say it? Weak isn't quite right, but I don't have another word to describe it. Zakary's always been a little bit more attached to Zeke and myself than average twins, and losing one of us has broken him completely. He spends his days sitting outside on the front step, staring into off into space, or laying in bed blankly staring up at the ceiling. It's terrible seeing him so upset, so overwhelmed with negative feelings he's almost numb. To me, Zak's gone, too, in a way, with the way he doesn't seem to exist anymore. I miss the happy, smiling, caring Zakary Vessel that used to be my brother. Zakary has not even sought my comfort or accepted it when I offered to try and help him out of his current miserable state. He has changed with Zeke's death, and not in a good way. Thus I feel like the only triplet left.

I am therefore left alone to deal with my sorrow. In the past, I've found the best way to rid myself of melancholy is to spend time with other people, being a reasonably social person all my life, but with my brother keeping to himself, the pain of Zeke's passing is almost worse. I need to distract myself to cope with my misery, so I don't end up drowning in tears and spending the remainder of my life depressed because of this one thing. Not that it's small and I should get over it in a snap- quite the opposite, losing a brother is something I should grieve substantially over. But I can't just drown in tears and do nothing- I have to remember life goes on for the living, even if the dead have passed on. So I've begun training for the upcoming final Games.

I'm not a Career, and I don't plan to become one- I'm just practicing with a bow and arrow. I haven't even touched weapons before, only using poison in the arena, so I figure it'll be good to practice a little and have some defense skill of some sort. It's slightly ironic, that I used poison, in a sick way- I used poison to kill Mari in the Games, and my brother died of poisoning when he was in the Games. Almost as though karma came back to bite me for plotting against the Career girl, or her ghost is haunting me with unfinished business.

I don't normally believe in stuff like that, spirits and other creepy stuff, but the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced Mari took her revenge in Zeke's death. Ugh, I must sound so dumb for thinking about this. But, like I said, I need something to think about instead of getting wrapped up in my brother's passing, and if finding an actual reason for his death is what keeps my mind away from the truth, so be it.

My District partner is also something I've been thinking about a lot. Philippe Hurricane, five years younger than me, a volunteer. Has a huge amount of siblings. Seems like more of a survivor than a fighter, like me. Do I want to ally with him? I'm not sure yet, but I know that working in a group of three worked well for me last time. I haven't spoken to Indigo since we both returned to our home districts, so I'm in the dark as to whether our alliance will continue in the final Games. But...I feel that finding a third person for our group will be like replacing Peyton, and I'd feel really quite guilty if I did that.

Do I make a completely new alliance, perhaps with my district partner? Do I stick with my old friend and find another person to take the place of the one who died?

Ugh. If Zeke were here, he'd have advice on what I should do to make everything work out. I miss him so much.

In some ways, I hope to die in the Games. I'll join Zeke and our parents in death and never have to worry about anything again or grieve over my dead family or be forced to keep going. There's only one thing stopping me- Zak. I can't even imagine what losing me would do to him if Zeke's passing has caused him to be this depressed. Then again, I actually can. He's already mildly suicidal, and nothing would be keeping him on this good Earth.

I have to make it to the end. If not for myself, for him.

Though I don't think even the fame and riches we will receive will cure his unhappiness.