A television screen with a rather grainy picture lit up the dark living room. Being in the house alone at night frightened me quite a bit, but having the television on made me feel better. The sound made you feel less alone in the empty house. I'm just used to my grandfather being home ever since he got the weekend off from work due to Christmas. Work vacations are a lot shorter than school vacations are. I wish it weren't that way, as every small noise makes me feel like there's someone now in my house. It's not a comfortable feeling by any means. It's a feeling that makes you turn your head, looking into every ill lit corner to make sure nobody's lurking there.
A knock on my front door made me grab my phone off the table by the couch, and stand up, finally flipping on the lights. I made my way slowly toward the door, letting out a sigh of relief when I realized it was only Kevin. I unlocked the door, opening it for him to come in.
"Hello, Sunshineee!"
"Hi..!" I smiled weakly
"Ohhh! you look so prettyyy! You have beautiful eyes, does anyone ever tells you how gorgeous your eyes are? Because.. wow.. they. Are. So. Nice!" He grinned as he leaned against the door frame. His speech was slurred, but I didn't comment on it, thinking maybe he was as just overtired or something similar to that.
"Uh, Kevin, come in..."
He walked in, swaying a bit
"Um.. what're you doing here? Not that I don't want you here, I love having you, it's just rather late.. Why aren't you home?"
"I wanted to see you..!" He smiled as I shut the door behind him.
"You..uh.. you don't look so good, Kev..."
"I feel reallyyy good."
"Maybe I should call your mom.."
"No! I came here to see youu! She's not even home.." He stumbled a bit, catching himself.
"Are you feeling okay...?"
"I'm feeling great! ....do you feel good? You look good! Ohh my goodness, you're so pretty!" He dangled his arms around my shoulders.
"Uh.. Kev?"
"Yes, Lovely?"
"I'm going to get you a glass of water, alright? You stay right here.."
"Connorrrr..! Connor Connor Connor Connor Connor Connor Connor Connor!"
"Yeah?"
"I'm fine! I'm great! I. Am. Fantastic. Okay? Okay. I'm great!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I am, beauutiful! Oh, Speaking of beautiful, your hairrr! It looks so soft, what'd.. did you do it's so pretty!"
My suspicions were confirmed when he leaned in closer, the strong scent of alcohol present in his breath.
"How much did you drink?" I grabbed a hold of his arm so he wouldn't stumble again.
"What..?"
"I know that smell, Kev, it's one I'm very used to. How much did you drink?"
"Sunshineeee! It's not a big deal..!"
"..No. It's not. You're right, it's not a big deal, but I want to make sure you're being safe about it."
"I am! I didn't even have that much, I'm just a fuckin' lightweight" he giggled
"Okay. You've got a good sense of how much is too much?"
"Yes. I do. Thank youuu. I didn't even walk on the side walk..!"
"...what?"
"It's icy sometimes, and I didn't want to fall into the road! I walked in the snow and grass!" He grinned.
I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.
"Good decision. Come on, sit down." I smirked, leading him to the couch. He followed, his posture poor when he sat, essentially leaning.
Intoxicated people typically made me uneasy, but I knew very well that Kevin would never hurt me. No matter how drunk, angry, scared or out of it he was, he would never hurt me.
As I sat down next to him, his smile grew.
"Ohhh my god." He giggled
"What?"
"Oh my god!"
"What?"
"You.. are... so breathtaking." He twisted my tie in his hand, running his hand up my chest.
"Thank you. Do you wanna know how I know that?"
"How?"
"Because you've told me three times today." I scoffed, brushing his hair away from his forehead.
"Oh... it's true. You're veryyy good looking." He tucked his face into my chest
"Well, thank you. When is your mother going to be home?"
"I don't knoww.. I don't care. Can I stay with you tonight...?"
"Of course you can. Will your mom worry?"
"Uhhh... maybe. Should I call her?"
"She'll know you're drunk. Do you want me to call her?"
"Ohhh that's a good idea! Here.." he pulled his first phone from his pocket, sliding it over to me.
I took it and dialed his mother's number. It rang a few times before she answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi! It's Connor!"
"Hi Connor. Why are you calling from Kevin's phone, is everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah, everything's great, Mrs. Price, we were just checking if it was alright with you if Kevin stayed over tonight. I-I would call on my own phone but..it uh.. it died."
"Oh, alright. That's fine, he can stay. You two have a nice night."
"Thank you. We will. Goodnight." I hung up, putting the phone back in his jacket pocket for him.
"We're in the clear?" He sat himself up a little more.
"Yeah, we're in the clear." I responded
He grinned and tugged my tie, pulling me towards him, kissing me sloppily, and pulling his leg up over my thigh. He quickly ended up in my lap, his legs spread over my hips. When he finally pulled away, he kept my tie in his hands, twirling it between his fingers.
"Well.. I'm not going to lie. You are very fun when you're drunk. You'll have to be safe about it, though, okay? Can you promise that?" I chuckled, fixing his hair, which I had messed up while kissing him.
"I promise, Sunshine!"
"Okay thank you."
"Does anyone ever tell you how nice your lips are?"
"Considering you're the only person I've ever kissed, nope."
"Oh they're great.."
"Really?" I smirked
"Yeah... they're really soft. Like.. the softest lips in the entire world. And they're soooo pretty! They're like... oh gosh, what can I compare them to? Uh..all I can compare them to is pretty!" He began laughing loudly
"Well thank you, now I know my lips look like pretty" I scoffed
"I like your nose though, it's a verrry good nose."
"My nose?"
"Yes!" He shot upright
"Okay.."
"It's really good, it's a good nose.. Why don't all noses do that? The world would be a much better place if everyone had a Connor McKinley nose! Even better than Pacino's" He grinned, touching the tip of my nose with his finger.
I giggled, putting my arm around his shoulder, letting one hand run through his hair.
"You're sweet, Kev. You're drunk. But you're sweet."
"Youu'reee drunk." He tried to keep a straight face, but started laughing very soon after.
"..I love you." I muttered quickly with a chuckle, hoping to some extent that he wouldn't even hear me say it.
"Really!!!??" He gasped. He was giggling a bit, but in all fairness, he had been giggling all night
"Really. Shocking, I know, despite that I tell you every day. Sit up."
"Up?"
"Yes, up." I sat myself up, waiting for him to return fully upright.
He sat up straight. I straightened his posture, evening his shoulders, pushing his hair back in place. I folded his shirt collar back down properly, flattening out the wrinkles in his shirt.
"What was that?"
"Now you look absolutely lovely."
"How shitty did I look before?" He giggled a little
"Do you want me to be nice or honest?" I joked
"Shut up, I'm suuure I looked like John Stamos.. If John Stamos fell in the snow a few times on his way here."
"Are you kidding, Kev?" I raised an eyebrow
"No, I'm not! I fell like.. twice."
"Did you get anything to eat tonight?
"Does snow count? My mouth was open when I fell, I ate a ton of snow!" He giggled
"Do you want me to get you some food?" I chuckled
"No, I can get it!" He stood himself up, swaying a little bit when he did, but managing to steady himself
"Are you sure..?"
"Yeah! I'll be just fine, I-I'll be like.. the drunk homosexual version Julia Child!"
"How about I come with you? I'll keep an eye on you? I'll only help if you need me to."
"Okay..!" He walked into the kitchen, myself following behind him. I stopped at the corner of the room, giving him plenty of space.
He went to work, making whatever. I couldn't tell precisely what it was from where I was.
"What're you making?" I asked
"You'll seeee. I'm a culinary genius." He giggled
"Alright."
He finished, putting a few dishes in the sink.
I..am... a fucking.. master.... of the kitchen!" He rushed the end of his sentence, making up for his delay.
"Christ, you're drunk.."
"Maybe.. none of this is real. Maybe you're i-imagining me.. and I'm not real... and not drunk... paradox. Fucking mind blower right there..."
"Maybe.. you're wasted. Mind blower."
"Yeahhh... that.. that one sounds right." He laughed.
"You're all set?"
"I'm set! Ready set go... I..I'm trying to think of a pun to integrate in there but... no. They don't work."
"Well if it helps, I'm sober, and I cannot think of a single situation in which you or I can make a that into a funny pun."
"That does indeed make me feel better... can we sit..? can we sit down...?"
"Yeah, you need help carrying anything? Your food? Yourself?" I scoffed a bit
"I'm fiiine!" He snapped, a small smile still present on his face to let me know he wasn't mad.
I smirked, following him back into the living room
"So.. your culinary genius was a sandwich?" I asked as I sat down on the couch, inspecting what he had made.
"Yeah."
"More specifically..peanut butter and jelly? What am I missing, here?"
"Wait! Wait wait waaait!"
"I'm waiting."
"Saltine crackers, fucker!" He giggled, lifting the top piece of bread to show me a few crackers between.
"That's.. So gross."
"No it's nottt!"
"That's horrific!" I giggled
"You're horrific! No that one doesn't make sense.. you're too pretty."
"Eat your hell sandwich" I chuckled, setting my hand on his leg.
"My sandwich is proof of god's existence, thank you verrry much!"
I put my head down to rest on his shoulder, waiting for him to finish eating.
"How was it?" I asked when he was done.
"It was good! I-I should have my own cooking show where I put Saltine crackers in everything!.. I am... really drunk." He giggled again
"I know.. I'm glad you came here. I mean, I'm not glad you're wasted, but I'm glad you came here. At least if you were to drink too much you would be safe, with me."
"Uh huh. I-I missed you anyways, so it was just the perfect place to come."
"Will you call me instead of walking next time? Maybe we can avoid falling into the snow in the future" I chuckled
"Yeah, I'll call you next time..." he began giggling again.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing..! I like your tie...! I-It's hot." He kept kissing me.
"My tie is hot?"
"Yes!"
"I.. was not aware."
"You look so good in ties! You look like Peter Sellers' James Bond... but like.. gayer.."
"He already looked pretty fucking gay to be fair.."
Kevin cackled in response, before bringing his lips down to my shoulder quickly.
"You're wasted, you should get some sleep."
"But I wanna stay here and kiss you.." he went further down, stopping precisely where my tie ended. He bit the end of my tie, grinding it between his front teeth haphazardly, letting out a drunken giggle as he released it, a few bite marks sunken into the silk.
"How about.. you lay in my bed... and you can sleep whenever you want to sleep, but you're just laying down.. how does that sound? You can keep kissing me.. if you want."
He nodded.
"I-I like that"
"Okay. Come on." I stood him up, pulling him tightly to my body, almost as if it were a hug.
I turned off my television, walking him to my room. as he stumbled, I let him softly onto the bed, followed by a loud giggle coming from him.
"You're alright?" I asked
He gave me a thumbs up, sliding over to make room for me.
"Sitttttt." He smiled
I obliged, sitting next to him. I pulled him upright for a few seconds, removing his jacket and carefully placing it on the edge of the bed, laying him back down and pulling the covers up over him.
"Thank you.." he mumbled, a tired smile on his face.
"Sure." I turned off the light, running my hand through his hair slowly.
"I'm.. I'm not tired"
"..Yep. I'm sure you're not. I'm sure you're not tired. But you're gonna close your eyes now, alright? You don't have to sleep. Just close your eyes. Okay?"
"Can you.. uh..."
"Can I?"
"Uhh..just...let me..just" he pulled me weakly down closer to him, wrapping his arm around my waist, hugging me to his body.
He pushed his face closer to me, his hot breath dampening the back of my neck. I could still strongly smell the whiskey every time he exhaled. It reminded me somewhat of my father, but it wasn't overbearing, and the feeling of Kevin's hands on me associated happy memory with the scent, replacing some of the bad that my father had given. He pushed his hand up under my shirt a little bit, his cold fingertips slowly tracing my stomach. I bit my lip for a moment, unsure whether I was content with it or just uncomfortable. Normally, it was a fantastic feeling, but the familiar scent brought up some memories I wasn't content with bringing up.
"Hey..uh...Kevin?"
"Yeah?" He groaned.
"Can you back up a little?"
"Yeahhh.. are you okay?" He pulled his face back, loosening his grip on my waist.
"Yeah! You can stay where you are, 'back up' wasn't the right wording I-I just.. could you keep your hand over my shirt?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry..."
"No no no, don't be! It's okay, I'm okay, I just didn't want to end up scaring myself.."
"I-I've touched your chest before.. does it scare you?"
"No..! It's just a mixture of the alcohol, and..that's all. It doesn't bother me otherwise!"
"Okay. I feel bad nowww, I'm sorry."
"Don't! How about.. you kiss me... right here." I pointed to a spot on my neck, showing him that I wasn't upset
"Are you sure..? Don't get me wrong, I-I definitely want to, but, are you sure?"
"Very. Just keep your hands over my clothes." I chuckled, growing impatient of his hesitation.
"Will do!" He smiled a little, moving back toward my neck, kissing it quickly the second he reached it. What began as quick pecks eventually turned to Kevin slowly sucking on my neck. I let a quiet hum slip out, followed by Kevin stopping and giggling.
"What was that for?" He raised an eyebrow, giving me a spaced out smirk
"I've got a hot boy kissing me.. that's why. But... you're incredibly drunk, so you're going to close your eyes now. You're going to sleep, and you're going to get some rest, and you're gonna feel the aftermath tomorrow morning. Okay?" I chuckled, kissing him on the temple.
"Okayyy" he sighed, laying his head softly back down to the pillow.
"Goodnight Kevin. I doubt you'll remember much of this, but uh... thank you for being such a good boyfriend. And such a good friend.. I love ya, Kev."
A wide smile grew on his face.
"You're so niceeeee!" He gasped, beginning to giggle again.
"Thank you."
"Come here, Sunshine..!" He muttered, loosely wrapping his arms around me. "Mmh- my Sunshine.."
I put my hand on his back, sweat soaking through his shirt.
"Alright, uh, get to sleep, Kev."
He obliged, closing his eyes, attempting to loosen my tie while he was unable to see it. He did a fair enough job that it was unlikely that I would end up inadvertently strangling myself in my sleep with it, so I'm not going to complain.
"Goooodnight."
"Goodnight."
He fell asleep in mere moments, his fingers still bent, tracing my tie, holding it in it's loose place. Sweat from his forehead collected in his hair, sticking damp strands together. His hair was covering his face to an extent, only trapping heat, and creating more sweat for his hair to absorb.
I gently pushed his hair away from his face, tucking longer stands away under his head so they would no longer soak in sweat.
I unbuttoned the top two buttons on my shirt, the collar finally freeing from my neck. Kevin's shirt was decorated with wrinkles, creases and, you guessed it: sweat stains. It was neither tight, nor loose. You could make out details of his chest and stomach through his thin, white fabric t-shirt, but it stretched without resistance, not giving the uncomfortable or annoying appearance. His facial features were as defined and delicate as ever, just, well, greasier.
I pushed my legs to his, only to realize that he still had his shoes on. Should I take them off for him? Sleeping in shoes cannot be comfortable, nor, could it be good for your circulation. Besides, he's been walking in the snow, which has that disgusting salt-sand mixture, and I don't want that all over my sheets. I'll do my best not to wake him, but I'm going to take his shoes off for him. I myself would want him to do the same for me. I know he would. It's a nice thing to do.
I lifted the sheets, scooting down to his feet which were conveniently not too far down; looking folded to a degree. I untied the brown, fraying laces, doing everything in my power to keep from waking him as I did so. I slipped his shoes off, dropping them to the hardwood. The sound was more hollow and deep than it was, loud. I pulled the sheets back over the two of us, Kevin still sleeping soundly.
Before bringing my head back down to the pillow, I took one more look at him, the sweat on his forehead far less prominent than before. I brushed up the hair on the side of his head slowly, finally bringing myself to lay down once more. I set my hand on Kevin's chest, feeling his inhale. his exhale. his heartbeat. My hands were freezing, the heat from his chest immediately warming them. My hand made its way up from his chest, over his shoulder, staying there.
"I love you.." I whispered to him. I knew he was unable to hear me, but saying that to each other before we slept was essentially a routine, and we hadn't done so. He won't respond, I'm aware, but I still want to say it. Whether he can hear it or not.
He knows I love him. And I very much do. I intend to keep on loving him for a long long time.