Weightless| Vkook 💜

Blue| 24

The night sky is a navy blue colour. It's the time just after sunset but just before night time.

Astronomical twilight it's called.

But Taehyung doesn't think that the name quite fits.

It's the time for reflection and regret. The time to blame yourself for your sins and to remember all the things that you did wrong.

All the things that you could've done better.

The ever darkening sky creates a purple hue over the city, blending into darker shades of blues.

Prussian blue Taehyung decides is a beautiful colour.

But whilst he decides this, the next time he looks at the sky it's even darker.

The midnight blue sky looks down on Taehyung with a warm smile, keeping him warm despite the chilly night air that encases him like a blanket.

Taehyung watches the sky as the silhouettes of the city blend into the night, like a sculpture moulding together creating a masterpiece.

He watches as the stars peek out, squeaking out a quick hello. They wave at him with cute actions. He can imagine the smiles they would be showing.

"Mum are you up there?" Taehyung asks.

He shuffles around on the awkwardly painful bench that lives upon large hill.

Warm tears cascade down his reddening cheeks.

"Mum are you happy up there?"

He asks these rhetorical questions, knowing fully well that he won't get a response.

"I know you didn't love me" Taehyung says with a painfully humourless laugh. "But is it selfish of me to want to pretend that you did? Is it foolish of me to get my hopes up that this will be all a sick joke and you will give me a kiss and cuddle"

He wipes his wet eyes with his sweater paw.

"Do you still hate me, wherever you are?" Taehyung asks the question that he never got to ask her.

He hiccups a few times, allowing himself to cry until he can't cry anymore.

Until the wind that caresses his cheeks manages to dry his eyes, something that his mother never did.

"Are you even my mum?" He whispers into the night.

But just like before he doesn't get a response and he's not sure that he even wanted one.

He just needed to let go of the emotions that are weighing him down.

He looks up at the stars, to try and see if there's any new stars up there.

"I hope you find a home up in the stars, even if there isn't a home in your heart for me"

|Flashback|

Taehyung pulls himself together and dries his eyes.

Then he goes running downstairs to grab the home phone.

He dials the three numbers that have been swarming around his head for God knows how long. It's making him feel sick and dizzy.

But the rememberance of his mother's pale skin and sinking cheekbones, won't leave his mind.

It makes him feel sick to his stomach.

"Hello, what's your emergency?" The operator asks.

"M-my mum" Taehyung mumbles with nerves. "S-she she slit her wrists and took loads of pills"

"Can you tell me what she took?"

"U-umm..." His brain goes blank but he quickly remembers he has the pills in his bag.

With trembling fingers, he takes the box of tablets out of his bag. It takes him a few seconds for him to be able to read the label as his hand is shaking so much.

"Cetirizine Hydrochloride tablets a-a-and antidepressants" Taehyung rambles quickly.

"Ok. You're doing really well. Can you tell me your address?"

Taehyung rambles his address, having to repeat it a few times as he's shaking so much.

"An ambulance is on its way. Now can you tell me if she's got a pulse?"

Taehyung gulps, having to force himself up the stairs. He's not sure if he's ready to look at her half dead body.

But this isn't about him.

It's about her.

He rushed quickly up stairs and into her room. She lies there just how Taehyung left her.

That alone kind of scares him.

He places his hand on her slim wrist, feeling nothing but blood on his fingertips.

"Sh-she has no pulse" Taehyung cries.

"Ok. The ambulance should be there soon. Keep on being brave"

She talks to him the whole time whilst he waits for the ambulance, it's as though she can feel the anxiety dripping off of the poor boy.

When the paramedics get there and feel his mother's pulse, the male shakes his head.

But the do as their job instructs and the male starts compressions whilst the other paramedic keeps the cuts on his mother's arm covered.

They are fighting a losing battle that they had already lost before they began.

Despite knowing nothing short of a miracle can save his mother, they continue on doing their jobs the whole ride to the hospital.

And no miracles seem to be in stock.

When they make it to the hospital, she is sent into urgent care and an IV is inserted into her body to try and flush out the tablets.

They hook her body up to a defibrillator and start shocking her body back into a cycle.

But it's pointless.

Her body is so weak from the constant starving that there was no possible way she could survive this.

The tiny fraction of hope that was bubbling in Taehyung's body, is diffused.

Like a moth drawn to a lamp, his mother's body zaps from existence becoming no more than ash.

What he wasn't expecting was those three words to hurt so much.

"Dead upon arrival"

They clocked her time of death and just gave up.

Taehyung, who was watching through the glass on the door, runs away as fast as his feet will take him.

Although it's a selfish thought, Taehyung couldn't help but fear that his father will hurt him even more.

He regrets having that thought.

He should be sad, not scared.

And yet, he's more than petrified.