Weightless| Vkook 💜

New Feelings| 10

Nobody has ever helped Taehyung through his panic attacks before.

Normally people call him a "freak" or an "alien" so it has lead Taehyung into having even worse trust issues than he already has.

His friends have all walked away from him when he's needed them most and his ex boyfriend did exactly the same.

What scares Taehyung is how he's only know Jungkook for what? 5 minutes? And he's already done more for him than anyone else has ever done.

It's scary.

He's scared.

Scared that he's going to grow attached to the other male.

Scared that he's going to grow feelings for a straight guy.

Scared that his walls are going to come crumbling down.

Scared that he will grow dependant on him.

Scared that he will find out his secret.

Scared that he's going to be let down.

And considering Jungkook is handsome and kind and considerate and willingly wants to help, Taehyung's petrified that he's going to grow a one sided bond and his already broken heart will be crushed once again.

So Taehyung does what he does everytime he's scared of being hurt, he walks away.

Away from Jungkook, away from the dodgy hallway, away from his feelings. Just away.

He refuses to look back at the bunny boy who still crouches down on the floor on unstable legs. He refuses to watch his eyes loose their sparkle. And he refuses to watch his shoulders slump in defeat.

Instead he imagines how happy Jungkook is now that he's gone. And he imagines he's not disappointing another person.

Because you can't be hurt by yourself, but you can be hurt tremendously by other people. And his fragile body is too weak to take another round of physical or mental beatings.

Taehyung walks back into the bustling area of students just as the bell goes off, signalling them all to hurry off to class.

His social anxiety doesn't allow him to ask anyone where his classroom is as he's too afraid of being hurt and singled out. He's not ready to have another, hopefully, metaphorical door slammed shut in his face.

Bangs of doors being shut are all heightened through Taehyung's uncertainty. He doesn't know where to start, all he knows is that he needs to start moving.

"Taehyung!" a cheerful, familiar, voice calls out.

The said male flinches at the loud noise, his sensitive ears picking up the sound even louder than most would hear it.

Spinning on the balls of his feet, Taehyung turns around to see the bright smile of Jimin's in front of him and Hoseok's equally bright smile.

They both flash their perfect pearly white teeth causing Taehyung to feel mild jealousy. His teeth are pretty white, but there's still a little discolouration from countless nights and days being hunched over the toilet bowl with his fingers down the back of his throat.

Right now he's thankful to see them but also couldn't resent them any more.

They have everything that Taehyung could ever want. Yes you could say that Taehyung's jealous, but he's not.

Part of him is envious but the other part is happy for them. Glad that they don't have to deal with the same pain that he does.

They haven't ever spoken out about having a 'normal' life. But they haven't shown any signs of being traumatised.

Whereas whenever Taehyung looks into the mirror, he sees his 6 year old self being forced to throw up into the toilet bowl with his mother's fingers down his throat.

Or he sees his father beat up his 6 year old frail body for the first time. The time when he beat him up until he broke his arm and passed out from blood loss.

He's happy for them that they don't have to deal with his pain, but he's just done with life.

Done with not being good enough!

Done with not being 'normal'.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Taehyung puts a fake smile on his face that's semi believable if you don't look too closely. He purposefully doesn't show his teeth as he's feeling especially insecure currently.

"Hi Jimin and Hoseok" he says whilst faking happiness in his tone.

He's the living antonym of happiness. He's sad. Beyond sad.

'I'm Kim Taehyung, it doesn't get more depressing than that'

"Shouldn't you have a buddy to take you to class?" Jimin asks.

Taehyung shrugs.

"the office lady seemed pretty angry and was too busy smoking although I did get my timetable" Taehyung feels exhausted from talking so much.

Today he's spoken more than he probably has his whole life.

'how do people enjoy being happy all day? This smiling is draining me'

"I bet Namjoon took you to her" Jimin says with a giggle. "he always follows the rules"

Taehyung doesn't know how to react; so he doesn't.

His lack of laughter or words leaves an awkward silence in the air.

"what class have you got now?" the ray of sunshine aka Hoseok asks breaking the suffocating tension.

Taehyung just hands over his timetable. He feels as though he's just run a marathon and his throat feels so dry. Part of him is loving taking so much.

However his brain reminds him not to get used to it and to start enjoying it as nothing good lasts long.

His brain forces him into not enjoying the feeling.

"oh cool you've got maths with me right now and Korean Literature with Hobi next" Jimin exclaims excitedly.

"I'll see you next period Taehyung. Bye guys" Hoseok says, waddling off.

Jimin walks with Taehyung in the opposite direction to Hoseok. He talks to him about where to find different classes and where him and his friends sit at lunch.

His mochi cheeks and creasent moon eyes are slowly growing on Taehyung. He feels as he can relate to Jimin on a small scale as they are both short.

He's starting to see Jimin as a friend.

'Don't grow attached. It won't last long'