Weightless| Vkook 💜

Food| 1

Maths hadn't ever been Taehyung's strongest subject. If anything it was his worst. He didn't understand why you had to learn about algebra.

He didn't like history either.

Whoever died in the past, stays in the past. So when maths drags in history where you have to learn about Pythagoras, Taehyung couldn't have hated it more.

Despite his loathing of maths, he couldn't help but see numbers everywhere he turns. His life revolves around those numbers.

52 calories in an apple
266 calories in a pizza
140 calories in a soda
151 calories in a glass of milk
556 calories in a chocolate bar

Even inhaling the scent of food makes him feel sick to the core, as if he will gain weight just by smelling it.

You could say that Taehyung's underweight.

5"8 and 120lbs

But he hasn't finished losing weight. Far from it. He needs to get down to at least 115lbs by the end of the week.

Overtime his goal is 100lbs. However that could kill him. It could end him up in hospital, being fed by a tube stuck down his nose.

But he would be lighter.

Beautiful.

His flat little tummy would be a sinking cave, his ribs would look like sharp claws and his collar bones would resemble daggers.

His cheek bones would look like a cliff face and his jawline would be able to cut metal.

In his fantasies this is how he would look, fierce but utterly astounding. But he's not there yet.

For now he has a slightly sinking stomach that he feels is protruding, his ribs are visible and his wrists are delicate. They look like they would snap any second.

Taehyung's far from what you would call happy or perfect. He's beyond broken and sad. He's not the Taehyung he used to be.

He has lost the healthy weight he used to be along with the cute character he was.

Now he's a nobody.

And he couldn't care less.

Or at least that's what he thinks. In actual fact he cares so much, the dirty looks he's given and the snide comments that are thrown make him feel weak.

The piercing stares and obvious avoidance make him feel invisible. The once sociable boy is now overwhelmed in social anxiety and body dysmorphia that he's now unrecognisable.

He's unsure what eating disorder he has got, but he knows there's one there.

Having an eating disorder makes him feel pride in some sick and twisted way. As if he has a goal and has accomplished something.

It makes him feel powerful.

In control.

He feels like an adult despite being the mere age of 17.

And he's addicted.

Addicted to the feeling of being empty as his stomach screams at him for food.

Every meal that he does eat when starving leaves him throwing up in the toilet shortly afterwards. Purposefully or not.

His middle finger on one side has slightly flaky skin from the acid eroding it. And two of his knuckles have bruises from his teeth clashing against them. The corners of his chapped lips are cracking and sore.

He decides to lather up his lips in Vaseline. Although he would like to use his cherry chapstick, he can't afford to accidentally eat any extra calories. He already went over his limit for the day by 2 calories.

He knows he should be hunching over the toilet bowl throwing up all the contents of his stomach until only bile and blood can be seen, but he can't seem to bring himself to do that. He's just so exhausted. So tired.

Whenever he shoves his slim, bony fingers down his throat, he always gets flash backs from when he was only a little innocent kid, already exposed to the calories.

|Flashback|

Taehyung came home from school and bounded through the door. His little legs carrying his weight.

"mommy!" he shouts at the top of his lungs.

His loud voice drags throughout the whole house, delivering his message to his mother who is resting her eyes upstairs.

"sweetie come up here" she calls from her bed.

Taehyung excitedly runs up the stairs, a few times he trips over his own feet in his rush. But he couldn't care less. The news he brings is just far to exciting.

Little Taehyung charges into her room and slams open the door. He looks towards his mother who lays on the bed. Her body looks as thin as a stick and her skin is whiter than snow. She looks like she has dressed up as paper for a Halloween party as shes paper thin; frail.

"mommy I made a friend" Taehyung squeals.

"that's amazing baby bun"

"he even gave me a chocolate bar as he says his brother thinks I deserve one"

Her once beautiful box smile, that mirrored Taehyung's same look, quickly turns into a scowl. Her brow creases and the adrenaline causes her to jump out of bed. She holds Taehyung's cheeks harshly. Enough to leave a bruise.

"you didn't eat it did you?" she asks in worry.

Soft sobs escape Taehyungs lips.

"I'm sorry mommy. I was really hungry and daddy told me if I'm a good boy I get food"

Harshly she drags his wrist to the bathroom and knocks him down onto his knees. He's sure to have dark, ugly bruises on his sun kissed skin tomorrow from the brute force.

"open your mouth and be a good boy for me" she snaps at him.

Reluctantly he does as she asks as he always has been a good boy. Her two fingers enter his mouth and hit the back of his throat causing him to gag a few times before he releases the broken down remains of the chocolate bar and other bits of food he has eaten throughout the day.

"you're 7 for fucks sake. You're old enough not to eat so many calories. It's disgusting" She spits.

"I'm sorry mommy. I will be better; I promise!"