𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐒𝐲𝐧┃𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐓𝐰𝐨

150. 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑀𝑒 𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘

Queen

Three Days Later

"And that's all he said?" I asked.

"That's everything," Syn said. "I asked him if I could think about it and he's giving me a week." Syn rubbed his temple and I could smell the liquor on him. It only made sense that he had a headache after drinking as much as he was.

I looked around at the empty nightclub Syn was working on and let out a breath. I knew he had a lot to tell me about what happened between him and God, but I didn't know exactly why he wanted to be here to do it. We could have talked anywhere.

Since he didn't mention it, I let the thought sink away and focused on the subject at hand. "Are you going to do it?" I asked. "I mean I understand why you feel li—"

"I'm not doing it." His voice was completely serious and he stared down at the dark marble floor. I didn't want him to do it, but after hearing what happened with his parents, I'd understand if he at least thought about it. I wouldn't blame him. He turned to me when I didn't talk, and my heart sank as I noticed the sad and tired look on his features. "Do you want me to do it?"

"I mean no, but I want you to be okay," I admitted. "If that's what it took, then I'd understand." I knew that Syn changed a lot after we got together, but I still understood that this was unnatural to him. He spent the majority of his life being an outsider to the experiences of an average person, and now he was being punched left and right with situations that tested his emotional capacity.

"Regardless of your feelings for me right now, I wouldn't be okay if I was incapable of loving you, Queen."

"And what do you think my feelings are, Syn?" I pressed. "You mentioned God using me as a way to get you to accept his offer."

"He said some things about you no longer loving me," he said lowly as he looked back at the ground. "I was drunk, and I fucked things up with you so I kind of let it get to me at first."

"At first?"

"Yes," he said with a sigh. "Then I remembered the things that you said at the restaurant, which I can't get out of my head by the way...but I heard you. Everything you said didn't just leave my mind. I just wanted to fully understand what you said before I brought up a conversation about it."

I nodded slowly and bit the inside of my cheek. I was shocked that he brought it up since he hadn't mentioned it since last night, but I was glad to hear that he didn't just dismiss it.

"It may be too late and it may not mean anything, but I have a lot that I need to say," he said weakly.

"You don't have to," I said. "You seem tired, it can wait."

"It can't." He glanced to the side at me and I swallowed a lump in my throat and nodded. "You told me that I couldn't see anything when I look at you and in a way, it's true. I don't see anything that I can name, because I see everything."

"Syn..."

"Let me get this off my mind, okay? I'll shut up afterward. I'm not saying this so you'll take me back. You can do whatever you want with what I tell you."

I nodded and made myself comfortable beside him on the stage and he clasped his hands together. He wasn't facing me like he usually did when he was about to pour his heart out, which was a bit worrying, but I relaxed and looked out into the space he was looking at.

"I hated you before I loved you," he said. I raised my brows in surprise at his statement, but a blank gaze from him made me decide to let him continue instead of asking questions. "As fucked up as it sounds, I wanted to destroy you. You were just this big ball of light that I for some reason couldn't stay away from, and I wanted to ruin you.