The view was different in that position, not only was I watching from my own eyes, but also from the corner of the tent, the chill trapped in the thin fabric walls going by unnoticed by the three of us. Tension sticking to every surface.
If it didn't begin to make me feel odd, in that way, I would have had the ability to feel some kind of shame, but my head felt clouded, I wasn't concentrating properly, too focussed on where I was and where they were, the words passing between them partly going over my head.
I looked down at the floor after a moment, not moving from the position, still kneeling like it was normal, like it made sense.
I took a breath and looked up, trying not to come apart at the edges. "And?" I directed my words at Atlas. "I don't have a death wish, I'm not mental... So what if I don't... it makes sense..."
He narrowed his eyes and crouched, leaning in over me. "So what, you're gonna just push us away until you graduate and piss off or something? How about fucking telling us instead of talking to- Who the fuck is Emily even? Since when do you know her?"
"I don't... That was the first time I met her..." I mumbled.
"And you're telling her your life story but not us?" He tapped his chest hard, shoved my chest lightly and glared at me. "So what, I don't get an explanation when you're being all defensive and running off and shit?" He gritted his teeth.
"I was-"
"And what, I don't even get to kiss you now?"
My face burned. "You- I never said-"
"It's not like I would have fucking jumped on you! What do you think we're gonna do?" He made an unhappy expression. "Do you really think I'm that much of a dick?"
"No!" I shot back, trying to glare at him, but it felt so odd I wasn't sure what expression I was giving off. "I can't do that... ever..." I finally managed the reply. "I saw how it works... you wouldn't think about it if you saw it..."
Jacob watched me, eyes cool and unbothered. "We can watch it together. Get used to it, figure out what we want."
My brows furrowed. "I don't..."
"Really...?" Atlas replied, surprised. "That sounds weird."
"You haven't done that before?" Jacob raised an eyebrow.
"Not with you." He snorted . "I have to try to imagine it... like you'd be sitting still and stone faced critiquing their hygiene or something."
"You don't know me that well." Jacob replied coolly.
"Don't start that shit again." He sneered at Jacob, pointing a finger at him.
He raised an eyebrow at him.
I didn't even dare to imagine that, the anxiety at the thought of it was enough to terrify me. "I can't do that..."
In a second Atlas switched sides. "Can't do that why? It's just a video! What makes you that scared of us?"
"I'm not!"
"If you weren't afraid of us then why try to create distance at every opportunity." Jacob asked, his voice suspiciously calm.
"I didn't-..." I couldn't get the words out, there was a limit to how much of a beating my pride could take.
I wasn't afraid of them, not really, I was afraid of me, that in the moment, that heated moment where the prickle of my skin and visual of the both of them moving over me let me slip into the same dangerous flow as the both of them. What if I said yes? What if I begged for it?
He was speaking too fast, the energy between us crackling, I didn't have time to think. "I don't know how to fucking talk to you guys..."
There was a moment of silence.
Atlas groaned and put his hands on his head, threading his fingers through his hair. Jacob instead opted for watching me with his staple cold blue eyes, perfectly still.
"Admit it," I glared at him, annoyed by the gaze that added to the unnerving feeling bubbling in my stomach. "Neither of you want to know what this is, what's going on between us, you don't wanna draw the lines-"
"Either." Jacob cut in, his eyes narrowing in an instant. "You've never wanted to draw those lines either."
"I wanted to know what you guys... want from me..." I exhaled.
"You know what I want from you?" Atlas snapped back suggestively at me.
I punched his leg and he yelped and stumbled back.
"Bitch you-"
"I obviously don't!" I hissed at him. "You know there's more to... there's more you can do other than..."
"Kissing?" He looked confused. "Yeah I know."
Jacob tilted his head slightly. "He's asking if this relationship is defined as dating or..."
"Fuck buddies." I gritted out the stupid words, more than that they felt humiliating, accompanied by the low throb of discomfort.
Atlas narrowed his eyes slowly, throughout the moment of silence that followed, leaving slits to look out of. "You saying you think we're just that?"
"What?" The vehemence in his voice causing me to blink out of surprise. "What is it then?"
"I don't know, but not that. There are rules. You know the bloody rules." He answered stubbornly.
"What fucking rules, that we can't get with other people or get random girls pregnant?" I glanced at Jacob who raised a brow.
"Yes!"
"Exclusive doesn't mean dating, just means you want less of a chance of contracting fucking gonorrhoea!"
"What's the difference, what's the point in the distinction?"
"I never said we-" I tried to speak fast, my heart thumping.
"It's all the same anyway." Atlas spoke over me.
Did I sound desperate? I didn't even know what I wanted, how could I be desperate? But then why did I feel desperate, needing to know for sure that this wasn't all completely one sided.
When we walked together and I felt that feeling of gentle bliss, when I laid down next to them and was immediately swept into a deep sleep I never experienced otherwise, when I woke up and paused in the early morning to look at them and had that tickle in my chest that felt good. Was that all just me?
My breathing felt fast, I wanted to get up and run but I didn't want them to stop me, if they did I knew my mind would switch gears.
"Do we really need to call it that?" Atlas looked confused, glancing at Jacob. "I mean I thought I made it pretty clear you guys belong to me. What's the difference?"
He said it so casually I couldn't keep up with the rush of blood to my face, a very awkward warmth blossoming in my chest, not the heated kind, a genuine, fluffy kind of warmth, that reached up tickled my heart somehow.
I tried not to show anything on my face, although my ears and neck were burning, but it didn't matter, because both of their attention was occupied, first and foremost by Jacob's look of genuine surprise.
"What's that look for?" Atlas scowled, folding his arms, as if, whether subconsciously or not, to flex the muscles in them. Either way it definitely succeeded in drawing the attention there.
Jacob raised an eyebrow after a moment, and then turned to look forward again. "Belong to you?" He repeated slowly.
I saw the colour of Atlas's face change a couple times as he stood there, his muscles flexed a little harder, as he pressed his arms back against his chest.
"You wanna say something you better say it now." He glared at him, genuine annoyance, the kind that drew an actual sharpness into his eyes that rarely appeared without proper provocation. In that sense between the two of them Atlas was actually more level headed.
Jacob scoffed and looked at me, but he still seemed surprised.
I wasn't a part of the discussion now anymore though, I was just watching, maybe that was why I allowed my eyes to burn their way into them, I didn't care if they noticed me, my eyes were wide and fixed.
"Atlas..." He seemingly tested his name on his tongue. "Belongs to me." He cringed, then glanced at him. "Atlas belongs to me." He said it faster, smoother this time, less strange sounding.
Atlas looked at me, as though I would be able to clarify what he was doing, then looked back at the man that may or may not have been going insane.
"Atlas belongs to me." He said it again, raising an eyebrow after, the words sounded clearer now, his natural low tone making it sound good, low and sexy. I had no idea what his intention was but it had a ring to it and it was making me feel weird as shit. I wanted to hear it again.
"What are you saying?" Atlas glared at him, eyes squinted to slits.
Jacob nodded to himself calmly, decisively. "Alright."
"Alright?" He frowned, he turned to me, his brow furrowed, "Is he mental?"
I swallowed, preparing to say something without stuttering.
I stared at them, like I was watching one of my dreams from a distance, If he was talking about me it might have made sense but he wasn't, so why did it feel like I was on the cusp of slipping down a hill any second.
Jacob's cool blue eyes trailed over both of us. "I don't have a marker with me." He looked down at me with a slight growing curve to his lips and my blood heated up in a second.
Eyes blazing, I looked back at him and my eyes widened, my neck and face burning. I tried everything I could not to imagine it, not to imagine Jacob writing those same words on Atlas. Just the brief snapshots I caught before I pushed the imagined scene away were enough to make me desperately want to see more.
For a split second I thought it; I wanted to write something too...
I blinked hard and looked up at them. "So what does this mean?" I asked them shakily.
"It seems this is a perfect triangle." Jacob said calmly. "We are dating. Does that settle your questions?"
I stared at him, then at Atlas, my eyes wide, Atlas seemed as surprised as I was. My heart hammering away in my chest, the sound of it was near louder than his voice.
Yet regardless the knot in my chest wasn't fully eased.
"What am I... to you two, then?"
"We just said-" Atlas began."
"I mean this." I cut in, my face definitely red at this point, my hand accidentally revealing a slight tremor as I gestured to myself, kneeling. "I- I don't..."
Atlas looked down at my knees, eyes heated as he closed his mouth and glanced at Jacob.
Jacob tilted his head and smiled an inhuman smile. "You kneeling, something wrong with it?"
"Why..." I near begged to know.
"Because you look good on your knees, and you feel good on your knees in front of us."
Those words brought an intensely uncomfortable rush of heat through my body, electricity pulsing in my fingertips down to my cock, my face was too hot, my body acting like a heater for the small area with the thin fabric walls.
"You know what a submissive is." He stated, and my eyes went wide with shock. He watched me, instead of tilting his head down he looked down at me with a straight neck, eyelashes meeting at the corners of his eyes as he leaned down. "You've read those books."
"Like... a... slave?" My body burned and I curled up a bit inside.
He hummed. "Maybe."
Atlas cocked his head, those eyes managed to get so dark in an instant. In that moment I realised just how much the two were on the same page, whether they realised it or not, and it was terrifying.
"Do you want to be?"
I shook my head, but my expression must have been petrified. "What do you want from me?"
He smiled. "Your obedience."
"Damn..." Murmured Atlas.
My heart thudded in my chest. The tent light wasn't enough to light up every detail of their faces, and the shadows drawn across them left a picturesque oil painting quality to the room.
My mind was whirring, my chest tight, I felt the openness begin to draw a panic from me, while the two demons that towered over me stood unbothered. So I moved to get up, just barely moving a few inches off the ground but before I could get up his hand pushed down on my shoulder and I was forced back onto my knees.
He leaned over me, looking me deep in the eyes. It was this close that I saw it, the cold iciness transforming into something sharper and more delightedly cruel.
I swallowed, brush of warmth, a tightness in my lower belly. "That's not me..." I whispered, looking up at Atlas, whose fiery eyes only burned me up even worse. "I'm not like that, I've never been like that..."
"But you need it." He made the statement with such an easy fluid confidence that it felt like it was written in stone.
"To be..." I could barely get the words out in the low light that flickered slightly as a breeze brushed against the tent. "Your s... slave..." I felt breathless all of a sudden.
The looks I returned my gaze to felt terrifying, to heated that if I put my fingers a little too close to them I thought I would be stung by the electricity in the air. Atlas a slightly wild interest in his eyes, fixed on me so that my skin felt like it was being burned by his eyes.
"I'm not like that." I repeated.
Jacob's expression was odd, darkness nestling in his eyes, so overwhelming for one moment, that I could see the full process of him closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, and wresting those demons back down into his soul.
"It's not all leather and chains." He spoke calmly when he returned, eyes still blazing as he looked down at me. "Sometimes it's just dominance and submission."
He slipped a hand around the back of my upper neck and yanked me forward sharply and I hissed as I was forced up onto my knees, instead of sitting, my hands reaching forwards for stabilisation, would have caught the ground if I wasn't too close to his legs, so that my hands landed on his knees instead.
I snatched my hands back to my sides but his hand was still on the back of my neck, eyes staring down into my soul.
"You're in dire need of someone to take care of you."
I looked up at him, mesmerised for a moment. His voice was low and smooth and persuasive, and even more than that his wording was sly.
He wouldn't be taking care of me, he would be controlling me, and anyone that let someone do that to them was pathetic.
I gritted my teeth, not fully sure if I was breathing normally or not as his thumb rubbed the skin behind my ear unconsciously.
"I've never needed that." I never realised how much of a lie that was until I said it, and all the four fabric walls whispered back what a lie it was in return.
"I definitely-" I took a sharp breath as he pushed his thumb under my jaw and forced me to look up at him, making my position look even more vulnerable than before. "Don't need someone trying to make me... into another version of you..." I glared at him.
He laughed slowly, slight statement progressing into amusement, but it was paired with such darkness that it came off as more sinister than it might have.
"I don't want to change you." This time he crouched down, enough to be in talking distance to my face but, tall enough to lean over me and block out the light attached to the centre of the ceiling, his face becoming shaded in grey, yet his eyes still standing out, his nose and lips still clearly visible.
"I don't even want you to become the most obedient boy that I know you can't be. I want you to buckle to me, I want you to understand that when you do something wrong we can punish you. I want to see you walk up to one of us when you've done something bad, admit it and expect it, anticipate it. I want you to feel my fingers gripping your neck when you're about to be bad, so that I can see the shame on your face when you walk into class and give into me. I want us to be the only ones that know that you belong to us, from every hair on your head down to your shoes."
Now I was aware for certain my breathing felt laboured, my cock was hard, my blood hot, I was too dizzy to push myself out of the position I was in, even though my hands were free. Unfortunately Atlas's gaze felt much the same, and I didn't have to look hard to see the swelling of his trousers where it counted. I could see it on his face, speechless and hot. I felt foggy-minded looking up at it.
"Yeah..." Jacob hummed. "You like that don't you?"
The words sizzled through my brain. His thumb ran under my lip, just where the bottom lip raised, just barely brushing my skin, but enough contact to make my heart slam loudly in my chest. "You've been focussing all your fear in the wrong place. That stuff." He glanced up at Atlas and back down at me. "We can take that slow..."
Atlas groaned, rearranging his trousers as he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair.
"But this. I see fair game on this." He narrowed his eyes, slits revealing cold slices of pale grey-blue as he looked down at me. "Deal?"
I didn't reply, I couldn't muster up a word, instead I stayed kneeling, half strangely relaxed, half utterly tense, my hand trembling as I raised it so that I dropped it immediately, pressing it against my side.
I swallowed, barely able to hold my eye contact with him, but unable to look away either. My silence felt like an admission of guilt that spoke louder than the Big Ben bells.
"Cover his eyes." He demanded from Atlas suddenly, and I inhaled sharply as I felt Atlas's hands slide in front of my eyes.
The air whistled behind us, our tent pushing the distance limits, nearly half pushed up against the edges of the woods, so that leaves from the unkept trees kept falling down like gentle footsteps on the roof of the tent, the soft glow of the light reduced to nothing.
To the inky black darkness in the room, the faint light blocked out by the figure leaning over me, whose hand was firm around the back of my neck, the cold air cut off by Atlas's warmth on my other side, I replied. "Yes."
And with that I sealed my fate.
[A/N] Chapter 144.5 is up next my Tadpoles! Linked in the external link to this chapter.
My darling patrons, please let me know if I'm missing any names... (シ_ _ )シ〜♡
♆ Vanille ♆ Deadnerd4life ♆ S'moores ♆ sour_reads ♆ LadyQueen-Sama ♆ Nakiro ♆ hasnoshamexx ♆ Aylaxana ♆ dianaluvsumore ♆ Onibun ♆ Orphylia ♆ tarry_omlins ♆ ImRightUrWrongShutUp ♆ Ruth ♆ midnightdirrty ♆ CrimsonEyedSinner ♆ darkabyss7851 ♆ Annabun ♆ min_aholic ♆ eatsyounu ♆ Nightstalkingheroes ♆ LettieK ♆ lehappy2 ♆ fatiguedwithfangs ♆ Madara ♆ Gravi4y ♆ Kasilo ♆ Zack ♆ TradingCoconuts ♆ edaxfaithx ♆ heronstairs4life ♆ hannah_khatter ♆ LazyinessIsAVirtue ♆ httpsunshinegot7