BELOVED 2 [h.s.]

Chapter 52.

I get to the waiting room; Niall is smiling at something Harry says. I'm not even angry or upset anymore, I'm just disappointed with myself because I've made the same mistake a lot of times. I take my first impression over something and I hurt myself with it, without asking after what's what happened and moving away by my conclusions.
I sit in the seat that belongs to me, Niall tells us how much the boys have called him to know if everything's alright and that Theo finally said "Kay" when Denise called him.
Doctors make us leave the place now that everything's alright, now we just can come one by one during determined periods of time.
"Do you want to come for breakfast?" Kay mom asks us all.
"First I really need to make my bags," I speak.
"We will get there," Harry adds and I just look at him and nod.
"See you there then," Niall smiles and hugs us both goodbye.
Now I'm left just with him, I close my eyes and breathe heavily so I don't cry and follow him to his car. I climb in and rest my head against the window while he answers his phone and gets in too.
"Yeah... I'll pick it up tomorrow. I will give you the same car tomorrow's afternoon," he speaks, "we are sorry and thanks kindly for understanding. Bye," he hangs up.
He starts the car, I leave my eyes closed because I'm literally falling asleep and because I can't see him and pretend I don't want to cry.
I feel my leg warm, I raise my head and his hand is over my thigh.
"Are you... uhm okay?" He asks, not looking at me.
"I'm just tired," I answer and he nods, his hand stops touching me.
He doesn't even turn on the radio so I do a commercial of Exposed and Carter talking is what we first hear so I change it quickly. Classical music starts playing so I turn it down.
None of us talk, we get to his house and he climbs down first to open the garage... when we are inside I try to open the car's door but it's impossible so he walks to my side and opens it for me.
"Sorry, it's for kids," he explains and I smile weakly.
I walk straight to his room and start packing my stuff, for the first time I don't care if it's organized or not but just that I put everything inside. I take every single piece of everything I have here and toss it into the bag.
He opens my second bag and starts packing my makeup and other stuff I put in there, even more organized than I do.
"You can't go before we talk," he breaks the ice.
I look at him and nod, he sits on the bed so do I.
"I know Kaylee explained you everything so I don't need to but I'll just say that I know I was wrong. I know I should've told you before about it and that I shouldn't have done that to you while I was talking still to Paige. I know I shouldn't have talked to her after we were officially together again and I'm really sorry I made you suffer how you don't deserve it, I swear anything happened between us and I swear I love you so much it hurts," he takes my hand.
I begin crying immediately, tears rolling down my cheeks like a cascade.
"Yes, I am a dick and I know I make you suffer so much and these days I really acted so weird but I just didn't want to act normal when I felt our end was coming soon thanks to Paige's mouth. Please forgive me for always making you suffer during your worse moments, I swear that from now on -,"
"There's something you need to know before you continue," I trail him off, "Harry I... kissed someone yesterday," I explain.
He frowns and leaves my hand.
"I was frustrated and upset so I just did," I shrug not even knowing of it is me the girl who just said she did something she regrets.
"Who was it?" He enquires, not angry but sad.
"I won't tell you," I shake my head and my tears fall harder.
"Was it Carter?" He asks peaceful.
I look at him and he stands up, takes his lamp and tosses it to the floor.
He looks at me waiting for an answer but I'm not capable of giving one, I close my eyes in pain and he throws a notebook to the window.
"Harry, calm down please," I beg crying, "it was Carter but it was my fault, I was the one who insinuated,"
"Why?" He whispers crying.
This is really hard for us both, of course he hates Carter and I know this is my bad because Carter has always been in the middle of us and I kissed him, maybe he thinks I did on purpose but that's completely false.
"Why Carter, Linda?" He enquires again, coming closer to me and kneeling in front of me, covering his face with his hands.
"Because I was hurt for what I heard and I just felt lonely... I'm sorry; I know it was so wrong because I should've listened to you. Kaylee explained me everything, I know everything," I sit in front of him, I can't see him kneeled crying in front of me.
I take his hands in mines and caress his cheek, I know he is broken and I'm feeling so wrong about it because it wasn't a simple peck.
"Don't touch me with the hands you touched him," he jerks away.
I feel detested but mad at the same time, he isn't the only victim in this and I'm not the only one who did wrong in this relationship.
"It's enough!" I scream, "you made me suffer for a fucking lot but I never fought or anything because I really love you. You cheated on me after three months, who forgave you? Me, because I love you and I can't live without you... you're not the victim here because if you'd told me the truth from the beginning this wouldn't have happened, not even in my best friend's critical period!"
"I didn't go and kissed your enemy," he speaks, anger leaving his mouth.
"That chick has always been my enemy thanks to you and you were going to fuck Kendall, that's worse than a kiss!"
He stands up, so do I.
"Can you stop bringing Kendall to this?"
"No I won't, you've hurt me twice!"
He sighs with anger and punches the wall, I'm so scared he attacks me so I give three steps behind, I didn't know he was this strong to make the house tremble.
"Did you go and kissed Carter on revenge? Did you just go and fucked him because of me?"
"Are we back to that again?" I ask, not so calmed. "Not everything is about you!" I roll my eyes.
"Then why?" He crosses his arms on his chest.
"Maybe I was confused too," I start, crossing my arms as well, "maybe for an instant I thought that we were never meant to be, that my destiny was with Carter..." I cry.
"And?" He enquires, not hurt or mad but provocative. "What is your answer?" He raises his brow, acting like if he was the king and I was the slave.
I shake my head crying and prefer to close the zip of my bags because it's getting late, he takes my hand and turns me around to face him.
"I want to know the answer," he caresses my cheek and for the first time in my life, Harry's touch feels like nothing just like a simple touch of a cotton.
"Maybe is Carter," I spit.
He gives a step back; I continue crying because I just lied to the love of my life and ended up us because I'm so angry for his attitude. He thinks I will be falling for him after everything he does, he thinks I'll follow him anywhere and probably that's so true but I just feel that I want something in return.
When we broke up the first time I was the one who got back to him, maybe he did twice but never gave his best to try until I did it myself. I am always the one who's giving up her things for us and maybe this had to happen so I can have my own life, maybe a year was enough and we met so I could change and become a better me, which I'm so grateful of, but we never had a week when we didn't fight or have a little argument.
"But I love you and no one else," I add.
Who am I lying to? I love arguing with him, I love being with him, I love following and living with him because after all, I do receive a lot from him and I know he loves me as I love him.
"I need time," he cries, "We need time. I love you so much Linda," he hugs me tight.
"But we should have time for each other. Last time we didn't have time and maybe that's why we began things so rushy and I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want to be hurt,"
"Are you breaking up with me?" I ask, those six words feeling like swords crossing my heart.
"Yes," he nods.
And that... killed me.
I cry harder and hug him tighter, I know this would bring us problems but breaking up with him, knowing he will be away for three months and we won't have any type of contact makes me so sad and that's why I'm crying. He is my everything in London and everywhere, if I don't have him with me, even through calls or messages, I am going to die.
"Don't leave me alone," I beg.
"I would never leave you. I need to make up my mind in a lot of aspects and you do too, we really need time for each other... we need time to mature even more than we already have,"
"Do you know what is going to happen? I will leave this house and go to the airport, I'll get to my flat and Paige will probably be beside me remind me everything about you. I will go to university and pretend I never dated Harry Styles, just when I get bored of ignoring the fact I'll still love you I will Google you and find you somewhere having fun while I'm about to kill myself. That's what's going to happen," I explain crying.
I take my bags and start going downstairs with them, I'm so fragile and I don't know where I got the strength to carry these bags to the front door.
"Linda don't do leave me this way," Harry pleads.
"I'm not the one who's leaving you," I spat.
I open the door and when I go back to the bags, I hear it closing and when I look to the back Patrick closed it.
"Don't use him on this," I roll my eyes still with tears in them, "we broke up, I have no right or need to be here so let me go..."
"Listen to me!" He screams, punching the wall so hard that he whines. "Because I love you I'm letting you go. I fucking hate hurting you and I've done it a lot, I just feel that we need time for us, I need my time to realize you're a treasure and I can't do this to you,"
"You're hurting me letting me go... if I've forgiven you is because I can't live without you," I sob.
"We really need time. I need to make up my mind," he explains.
"You know what? Whatever, I won't be here begging you anything... I've already gave up a lot for you," I open the door and leave.
...

Harry's POV.

"I lost her, I don't need anything... I just need her,"

"I don't understand man," Zayn speaks, ceasing my pain, rubbing my back with his hand but I just feel stupid still.
I can't believe I thought leaving her was the best for us when it obviously isn't. I'm suffering, she doesn't reply my messages or answers my calls. I know she is hurt because the one who should've broken up this was her, maybe she kissed Carter but she was so confused and I feel her, I felt the same way but then understood that I just want Linda and anyone else.
Two days ago we were happily ever after, now I'm here in an airplane traveling to New York with the boys and their girlfriends -except for Niall's and Zayn's- so yeah, I'm crying to them.
"You broke up with her but you're crying she left you..." Niall comments.
"I don't want to hurt her anymore, she's been hurt a lot and I just hurt her so freaking much. I thought it was going to be the best for us but now I feel depressed and lonely lads," I sob.
"And now this!" I throw the magazine hard against the table, this article that talks about our breaking up is so stupid. I don't know how people find out things so fast, like if they recorded our lives and then wrote them.
There's a picture of Linda entering to a hotel room, then a picture of Carter and above them one of myself.

"Triangle of love?" reads the title of the article.
And then something about me letting her use me for my fame for so long, that she doesn't love me anymore and that she just pretended to be my girlfriend for so long.
I don't care what it says, we are the only ones who know the truth but I just don't want her to be hurt when everyone thinks she's the devil itself.
Niall's phone rings, he takes out his phone and Linda is calling him through FaceTime. Niall looks at me and reads in my eyes what I'm about to do so he runs away when I try to catch his iPhone.
"Please man!" I scream, "I need her,"
"Let me talk to her first, she calls me for Kaylee..." He locks himself in the bathroom.
Lux looks at me from Tom's lap, she frowns when she sees me crying and runs to hug my leg.
I spend the rest of the trip playing with Lux and her toys, she literally braids my hair and I don't really care about anything else but her. I don't know how to tell about this to Liam and Louis because they both are going to break me in little pieces. Even my sister loves her more than she loves me, possibly my mom does too.
I can't imagine how these months away from her, not even through phone or messages are going to be. I am starting to feel like last tour, I feel alone and need someone beside me I don't think Gemma would mind touring with me once again this year.
"I asked her to talk to you and she refused to," Niall comes behind me, they talked like for an hour.
"You didn't have to tell her Horan!" I sigh stressed, "I just want to know how she is..."
"She's alright. The flight was long but she's safe and sound from everything,"
"And from me," I cover my face with my hands.
"Don't act like the victim man, this is all your fault and we told you from the beginning,"
"I know, I lost my everything..."