Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

23.4: The Storm

AMBROSE

It felt real. Somehow. The world seemed to spin in a very slow and fuzzy moment as my physical body hit down the cliff. My body crashed down over the sharp rock formation inevitably breaking every single bone in my body. I can feel the surging agony, the physical agony to say the least. It was incomparable to the emotional pain but it was agonizing nonetheless. Blood rushed from the open wounds, in every part that hit a sharpened rock, and then I felt my head smashed on one of the hard surface shutting my brains down. And then I was gone. At least that's how I imagined it.

There was a rush blow of wind, almost intense that it brought me back towards the harsh reality. I opened my eyes and eventually realized that I was just imagining all of the things.

Was that really how I want things to end? I asked myself in an attempt to find a sliver of hope to even continue walking this horrible earth.

Still standing at the very edge of the rock, I was about to lose my balance and I was going to fall just like how I envisioned it. But then there's something invisible that pulled me back and I regained my balance subsequently cheating death. My heart was pumping so fast in absolute fear until I was already walking away from the very edge of the rock. I almost jumped down on the cliff but that invisible something who pulled me back was myself. I guess I knew that I don't want to die, just yet.

I walked back to the spot where I sat a few moments ago and grabbed the last can of beer. I only bought two cans thinking that two was more than enough for me, but it sure wasn't enough. I'm starting to feel the heat from the few percent of alcohol but it wasn't enough to make my thoughts fuzzy. I didn't know I wanted to be drunk until now. I feel like getting drunk was the one and only way to forget about the pain and all of these rotten thoughts that seemed adamant at running around my head. I wanted to get wasted just to forget about everything and quite honestly, everyone. At least for about a few hours and when I'm sober, I might have to get drunk again.

I popped the beer open and chugged it like I've been dehydrated for it, like I've been wanting its bitter taste for the longest time. The chugging sound was loud that I can hear my throat gulping. I sat drinking the beer with the company of solitary and the incessant brushing of the cool breeze every five minutes. The clouds in the skies moved sluggishly but it was weirdly entertaining.

Now that the truth has been revealed and the dots have finally connected, I'm starting to wonder about my freedom. I'm thinking about running away, faraway from here. I don't know where but so long as it's not here. The thought swiveled and I began imagining about the possible situations. Running away meant that I have to be willing to be more than independent. I've always been independent, that's for sure. Despite of that skill, I'm very much aware that being alone in the real world has a whole new different meaning.

I tried shaking the thoughts away and just when I thought my head's free from overthinking for a while, here comes another thought and it's a bombardment of questions. I began pondering about who could my real parents be? Are they doing fine? Why did they gave me for adoption? Do I have siblings? Are my real parents strict?

This was getting too much. There are more questions inside my head but I tried my best to clear my head. I took another chug and continued eating the chips in absolute silence. By the time I was finished gulping the beer, I crumpled it once again using my bare hand. I kicked the crumpled can into the openness and once it hit the surface below, it created some kind of sound. I sat at the very edge of the rock, my feet were hanging. I let out a heavy sigh.

"FUCK THIS LIIIIIIIIFE!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs and it was followed by an echo.

I don't understand why I have to live this awful life when others are living their life without burden. I was just trying live by this fucked up family that I have. I had this knowledge that we were about to become a broken family after my dad brought his mistress home. I even know that our family's broken from the get go. And now I have learned that I'm adopted which was the wildest of them all. That's too much to take. It's quite a lot and that's not the only thing that's keeping me off, there's also this August thingy. I'm just overwhelmed with pain and anger and confusion, what the hell, just name all of the negative feelings that I have. All of them are just accumulating one after the other that I just want to go berserk at any given moment. I might even explode like a volcano. I suddenly missed the fighting. The kind of fight where I could release all of my anger and pain. The kind of fight where I get to feel some physical pain in order for me to not feel the mental and emotional agony.