Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

16.1: The One Who's Dying Inside

AMBROSE

Today's about to turn into something interesting for me. At least that's what I'm highly hoping for and when I say highly hoping I meant I had so much expectations. Having the whole night all to myself made me realize about this undiscovered magic that I didn't know I was yearning for. I almost feel like I'm traveling into a new world and I'm all curious about its hidden wonders. I have come to realize that this indescribable feeling is not the definition of confusion in any way. In fact, this feeling is what they call attraction. It's not the typical type of attraction that I already know and recognize but it's a different form of attraction. I didn't know that until I had all the time to myself. This is humiliating to admit but I talked to myself as if I'm a crazy person. The silence of the house wasn't that negative in all fairness. It actually made my heart and mind talk to each other like they were the best of friends.

I have made my decisions based on what my heart and mind have deliberated and I'm going to talk to August.

"Fuck!" I was cursing myself as I entered the shower and it's because I can't breathe. It's still very early but I am already looking forward to seeing August.

I took my time under the shower while thinking about the possible things that might happen at school. I imagined my body walking right straight towards August as the people around us go in slow motion and some crazy music starts playing in the background. I imagined myself sharing some genuine laughter with him. I was already swooning as the hot water poured down on my body. I'm starting to become a sucker for this giddy cloud. I let the feeling engulf me with its fullest glory. I'm super excited and galvanized and all the possible electrifying feeling that I'm starting to know of.

I'm not entirely sure on how am I going to approach August but I know I wanted to talk to him. I don't know if I'm going to tell him what I'm currently feeling for him but I know I really wanted to talk to him.

I have never thought that I would feel this sort of burning feeling towards him, not even in a million years of solitary. I know I've hated him for some time. I'm fully aware of the fact that I once dreamt of beating the shit out him but this time, things are taking a complete one eighty turn. This feeling is making me feel good in all honesty and I have never felt this good in how many years that I'm aware of. I have never felt the same feeling when I was still into Rachel and I don't know why this one's entirely different and plausibly stronger than ever before. The feeling is entirely foreign in its own unique way and I have just transformed into the curious cat that I am now. I am completely and curiously drawn to exploring this seed of affection that I've been feeling ever since we had that unanticipated moment at the river.

The excitement that has been planted inside of my body was growing fast and superb that I was already trembling while slipping on my uniform. I looked at myself in front of the mirror and I thought I looked pretty normal. I feel like this school uniform was giving me the restriction that I hated. I looked like I work at a corporate office with the lowest income but with the most demanding job description of all. I looked like I'm being forced to slip on this tight suits and this color that I don't even like. I could've worn something dashing and actually my style, maybe a black leather jacket or some ripped jeans. I don't have much of a choice but to wear this tight school uniform.

I looked at my hair and I realized maybe I need to comb it a little bit. I have been rocking this mullet for a few months now and I haven't really gazed at my reflection in front of the mirror for the longest time. I have already forgotten about looking at the way I look and that's perhaps because no one had the courage to say something about the way I looked. I didn't care at all and I like the way it normally looks without the proper combing and whatnot. Rough and unkempt was the style but today, that's about to change.

It took several minutes for me just to find a freaking comb. I searched the entirety of my room only to find nothing and I had to scramble around the house. Once I found a comb, I was already running out of time. My hands were shaking as it rushed to do the combing job. By the time I was ready to go to school, I had very little time left. I locked the house, returned the key to its usual hiding spot before eventually hitting the road.

I was so disappointed that I haven't got the time to look for August the moment I arrived at school. My eyes roamed around the school grounds hoping to find him but I saw no signs of him at all. I thought of checking the usual spot where he parks his bicycle but I just remembered that he left it yesterday.

I eventually remembered about the fucking ketchup in my locker and I had to call the attention of the janitor to clean it up for me. They were already dry and stinky as I watched the janitor clean it for me. I bet he was thinking that I'm a lazy motherfu**er for letting him do this easy job. I had to let him know that I have an allergy and I was quite surprised that he didn't cared about what I just said.

The bell eventually rang just after the janitor finished wiping all the smeared ketchup. I had to rush to my class with so much disappointment beating the shit out of me from the inside out.