Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

22.2: Love & Predicament

AUGUST

This Friday night took a huge toll on me and there's no denying the fact that I'm all worn out to exhaustion both mentally, physically and emotionally. Not only it cemented how much of a horrible person I am, it also established me as a bona fide social climber in my current world full of popular kids. I just hope, and I might even pray too, that Rachel forgets everything that happened tonight so we don't have to result into an argument that might just ruin our reputations. I was in deep contemplation that if she doesn't remember anything, I'm not going to bring out the fact that she attacked me in her own desperate attempt of having sexual interaction with me. As early as now, I am more than willing let what she had done to me slip for the second time in a row. I know she tried to seduce me back when we went to the movies and I just had to turn a blind eye and shake all of that off of my shoulder. I don't want to make a big deal about it mostly because I'm fine. At least that's what I think I feel. If I was a woman and my boyfriend did that to me, I will, for sure make the biggest fuss out of it. However, I'm the man, allegedly the straight man and I feel forced to shut my mouth.

The party just continued rolling as it goes deeper into the night. My eyes resumed observing the room and almost everyone was already wasted that they can't even walk with perfect balance. Jessie and his gang were still up and quite surprisingly energized that they were still dancing while holding their own plastic cups. Nicole finally emerged from wherever she was hiding a while ago and her hair was a blatant mess and even her clothes weren't as neat as it appeared earlier. Some had already gone home but the house was still filled with the people who have a higher alcohol tolerance and when I say higher alcohol tolerance, there are mostly men. Marlon passed by and I can tell he's flying high somewhere up above the clouds. His eyes were bloody red as if he has not slept in weeks. I noticed Phil for the first time and his face was a mess. He got some bruises on his jaw and I just wondered, did he got himself into a fight? I know I only remember that fight between me and Ambrose earlier and I've been here throughout the rest of the night. I've never seen any kind of commotion.

I walked around the house for a few moments just basically floating and observing everyone. In the most surreal feeling, I felt relatively invisible. I almost felt like I'm Victoria's ghost housemate just lurking around the corner and watching everything that's going down.

After some time, I trudged back to the couch that has become my dome of solitary pleasure. I still have a perfect balance but my vision was starting to become a bit fuzzy. I'm surprised that I'm still up and I've been drinking and refilling my cup ever since. I feel a bit dizzy and the heat of the alcohol had really engulfed me that I had to remove my suit in order to feel fresh. I sat at the couch for about an hour until the moment that I realized I am nonexistent. No one's even bothering to chat with me just because I don't have the initiative to talk to them. Maybe I'm only popular at school, the thought roamed inside my head.

I ended up having to choose between staying here until the morning arrives or I would just walk my way home. I don't have my bicycle with me and I have drove Ambrose away. I don't have any means of transportation which was a total bummer. The town of Mary Heights doesn't have any buses running at this point in time. I ended up choosing the former and I bounced out of the house party with no one actually giving a fuck.

It was already midnight by the time I reached the bridge and I still have a good three kilometers to cover. I don't even know if it's three kilometers but the good thing was I'm drunk enough to not care about my surroundings. I know I should be extra vigilant even if there are a lot of streetlights every meters all throughout my journey but the effect of the alcohol had me all wrapped up in its wonders that I just took my steps after the other. Thankfully, I have brought my earphones with me and I have some good music playing.

By the time I got home, my feet were already burning in heat. I can feel my nape and back drenched in hot sweat. I stood in front of our doorstep for about five minutes as I tried to catch my breath. I just can't believe that I walked from Victoria's house to here and I arrived safe and sound. I feel like the alcohol that I have consumed just evaporated out of my system. I started to believe that's a good sign that I'm not going to have a head banging hangover tomorrow.

I fished the keys out of my pocket and with an extra careful hand, I inserted it on the door knob. I felt like a sneaky burglar but that was only the instinct that was activated inside of me. I opened the door with such delicate movement and although the door created a creaking sound, it wasn't that loud enough to wake up my sleeping parents. I moved inside with such calculated light steps and closed the door the same slow and delicate way that I did when I opened it. The room was almost dark that I had to use my phone's flashlight just to have enough light. I resumed the lightest steps that I could muster and slowly walked towards my room.

By the time I managed to shut my door, I looked at my phone and it was already past one. I almost thought it was already past four in the morning but I was clearly wrong about that. I left Rachel but that's not going to be a problem because she's at Victoria's house. I just can't imagine how much of a mess the girls are going to clean up tomorrow and I'm more than glad that I ejected myself out of the situation. A lot of things happened tonight, it was absolutely a hell of a night and I'm going to remember everything for sure. I was thinking about how I hurt Ambrose and now I'm about to do some damage control, a lot of damage control. I hate doing that but I still like the guy, I still want to be with him and I just have to make up my mind before that one opportunity of teenage love goes away never to be seen or in this case, never to be felt again.

I have some choices to make and I have to choose sooner. Being stuck in this maelstrom of dilemma wasn't even in my high school bucket list. Am I going to choose Rachel and continue playing the picture perfect straight boyfriend for the rest of my time in high school? Or am I going to choose Ambrose and be my true gay self?

I've never been stuck in this kind of predicament before and I feel like no matter what I choose, I'm still going to end up fucked up.

I began stripping my clothes off and they smell really awful. I somehowwant to take a shower to feel refreshed but I was exhausted that I fell asleepalmost the moment I jumped onto my bed.