Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

23.1: The Storm

AMBROSE

What do I need to know? That was the question that conquered my head and apparently, it burned like hell throughout the rest of the night.

What truth could that be? I don't even have any clue about what my mom's talking about and it's bugging more than I ever thought. I'm so confident about my spot and I thought my mom was in it for the biggest surprise of her entire miserable life and that she'd cry over it like how she always does. However, after what I've heard downstairs, there's an unforeseen plot twist and I think I'm the one who's up for a big surprise. That was something that I did not see coming. I was just feeling like a powerful person at the dinner table earlier knowing that my dad would finally tell my mom that he's divorcing her and that I'd be free of her. The joy inside of me was relentless up until the moment that my parents began arguing and speaking some secret code that I don't know how to decode. Of course I'm not happy about what's going on in our family but I'm certainly not happy about my mom hating my entire existence either. I don't know her anymore, I don't think I got to know her at her best, and she's even playing this act that's as if I don't exist in this household at all. I was more than galvanized to hear my dad spit the word divorce and I'm more than ready to see the shocked expression in my mom's face but it did not happen. It was such a big disappointment after a very boring day.

There's just this one thing that's making me feel uneasy and that's my dad sending me to my room with such threatening tone that I couldn't even resist. My dad's been holding up his patriarchal position quite impressively and one of the reason was the way he voices his words out. Firm, full and gritting with such authority. It was probably seven or eight years ago since my dad last forced me to go my room even when I'm still not finished eating my dinner just so they could talk about things that they don't want me to hear or know about. I'm already seventeen years old, almost grown up, and I do think I could handle whatever shit they're going to talk about, yet he still sent me to my room like a kid who's throwing a tantrum.

It took me a while before I could even sleep. I laid on my bed for a few hours and as much as I want to force my eyes to shut, I just couldn't sleep. I ended up moving from the right side of the bed and to the left and back. It was just a desperate attempt to find the right side of the bed where I could finally fall asleep but it was as effectively as I thought it would be. There were times that I scrolled on my social media accounts with this thought that it might exhaust my eyes and hopefully I would unconsciously fall asleep. But it did not happen. All I got from scrolling down on my feed was the pain and jealousy and confusion. It's inevitable that I'm going to see a post from Rachel or her two friends and even August.

I ended up visiting August's Instaglam profile and I still think he's cute. I've never been attracted to a guy before but there's just something in him that's making my heart jump. I scrolled down through his photos and I was already thinking about his lips once again. My first kiss wasn't so bad at all, it was unexpectedly hot and burning with such passion and I know I wanted more of August. It's a shame that he's not mine and his time was split in between two people. I wished he was here right beside me. I wished he was here to cuddle me and distract me from this family drama but I can't deny the fact that I'm still hurt by what happened last Friday night. Although August had reached out to me, I'm not ready to hear whatever bullshit's going to come out of his mouth. I may have to ignore him for a while just to let the pain pass by. I know I can't control myself when I'm pissed and I'm scared of myself. I'm scared that I might end up punching him and hurting him even though I really really like him. I'm frightened of the horrible things that I might do to him and I know it's out of my control. I've already hurt him more than I could even recall and I even sent him to the school clinic before. I don't want any of that to happen ever again. I can't control this built up anger inside me and me keeping my distance away from August was probably a good thing for the both of us.