Dancing In His Storm [BxB] √

19.2: Blooming in Jealousy

AMBROSE

The graceful pang of disappointment got me chained in its crippling prison for the rest of the night. I had to ride my way home thinking that I'm going to be alone and messed up once again. It was even more asphyxiating to think that August will be having fun with his girlfriend and I'm the one being left and forgotten behind. It's quite funny that my mind brought that up when I'm always the one left and forgotten behind. I've always that one kid who everyone knew but no one cared about. I've always been that one person who was always goes home alone because no one wants to do fun things with him. I've always been that, and I thought with the arrival of August into my life would tweak things to a better place, I thought wrong. Maybe Phil was right all along. I've softened up and for what?

The power that I just felt earlier was suddenly watered down in just a matter of hours and it even brought my confusion back as if it had never left. Rachel still owned August in the most obvious way and I'm feeling rather stupid for having the delusion that I'm powerful when the reality was, I'm as impotent as ever.

I sat down on the couch right after I turned on the television. I didn't care what the show was and it's not in my intention to watch after all. I just want the sound of people coming out from whatever show was showing to drown any signs of loneliness inside the hollowness of this house. I distracted myself with some mobile games that I had installed on my phone until boredom caught up on me. I ended up scrolling down on my social media account when I stumbled to a recent post made by Rachel and I was right all along. They went on a movie date and it was more than enough to make me feel sick of envy. Rachel was leaning her head against August's chest and August was holding her hand like she's the only person the he cared for. The photo had me second guessing if August still like me and I don't know how to exactly feel about that. I don't even want to think about it. I just want to succumb to my demise and be free of the cruelty of this world. I'm writhing in this scorching chains of envy thinking that I should be the one having a movie date with August. I should be the one leaning my head against August's chest as he held my hand and that would mean the world to me.

It was difficult for me to stop thinking about August and Rachel getting their teenage romance together but I tried. I ended up working out and for a while I forgot about them. I continued working out for about two and a half hours until I felt hunger striking inside of me. I cooked my own meal and although it wasn't as good, I had no other choice but to devour all of it on my own. By the time I was finished eating I had no other things to do and it's still quite early in the night.

I grabbed my phone and thought of sending a text message to August just to follow up onto him. He never told me he's going out with Rachel and I have to live with that truth and be the understanding person that I have to be. I'm not used to getting what I anyway. This should feel a little less painful that it already but it wasn't. It's hard to swallow but they already went out and I'm sure by this time, Rachel had already drove August home. That was the other thing that I'm thinking of. I should be the one driving August home but what can I say, a pickup truck might be better than a motorcycle.

I went on my message box and tapped on the thread between August and me. The last message was from me and that was when I asked him for a ride. I never got a response, not even a late one from him. I don't want to procure this thought that August might be ignoring me. I stared at the thread for a while as my mind was thinking of something to say.

ME: Hey, how was your date with Rachel?

I typed the message with a pinch of sarcasm and frustration. I gazed at it for a while and thought it's sounding unrelenting of me to say this. I erased the whole message and began typing a new one.

ME: How was your day?

It was just a simple question but I thought it would open a lot of ways for August to respond. If he's an honest person, he would tell me that he went out on a date with Rachel and I'm going to be at peace with that. It would just mean that he doesn't have any control of the situation or perhaps that he had no other choice but to go on a date with the most popular girl in school. I guess I'm going to nod and fill myself with much understanding. If he's not honest, I would know firsthand.