16.2: The One Who's Dying Inside

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AMBROSE

Focusing on class was the hardest thing to do. I know I'm not the brightest student here in Mary Heights High and that's another big problem. My grades are hanging on a thread. I should be sitting here with both ears open and eyes up front instead of staring outside the window. I know I will eventually see August today, that was the only thing that I was thinking of, but the overflowing anticipation seemed to be disemboweling me.

"Haylock!" Mrs. O'Riley called for my name forcing me to snap out of my head.

"Yes," I spat almost immediately.

"Your mind is flying again," Mrs. O'Riley said calling me out and all eyes are pinned on me. I heard a few people laughing and I just had to shut them down instantly. I looked around giving them a dead stare and they all ceased from laughing.

"I'm sorry," I spat almost embarrassed.

"I want you to exchange seat with Mr. Omber here." Mrs. O'Riley commanded and I saw Marlon who was sitting at the very front row stood up very quickly.

"Okay," I nodded and brought myself to the chair right in front.

"From now on that will be your permanent seat," Mrs. O'Riley stared at me with such authority in her eyes.

Mrs. O'Riley proceeded with the topic and as much as I was keeping my face glued to the board, my mind was flying somewhere else.

During our first break, I immediately knew where to find August. Me and my buddies have the abandoned part of the school that we call the turf while August and his usual companies normally hang out at one of the benches at the school grounds. I walked straight towards the school grounds and there, I immediately saw the one person that I've been thinking of all freaking day. It is insane that he was so close with the only person that I used to have feelings for. I tried my very best not to make that a big deal.

As I was walking, I couldn't resist but to turn my head and look at August. He seemed to be having fun, he was having casual conversation with Rachel and her friends and they all looked like they enjoy everybody's company. August appeared even more lively and attractive than I expected. His natural bangs were so close to covering his eyes, give it maybe a few weeks and it will grow long, but I can still see his face.

I immediately developed this urge of wanting to approach August right at this moment even though he's all surrounded with the mean girls of this school. He was almost comparable to a candle fire and I am, without a doubt, the stubborn moth. He was burning so bright that I am captivated and tempted to go nearer the longer I stare.

"The fuck, dude!" I was instantly pulled out from my staring fantasy when I suddenly bumped into someone. "Watch where you're going!" This guy named Irvin spat right at me.

"You watch where you are going!" I spat back at him giving him a hard look. He just ignored me and went his way.

Maybe it was an overstatement to say that I'm dying inside to hold August when this was just the first time that I'm going to see him after realizing my feelings. But I was dying inside to hold and feel him. I can feel the pumping inside my chest getting stronger and stronger making it a bit hard for me to breathe. I didn't know I was already smiling right at him until I saw him smile back. That simple curve made me struggle to keep my cool. Our eyes met for a few seconds and I was utterly disappointed that August had to snap out of it when I was just about to melt from that moment.

"Damn it!" I was already starting to get pissed off on the inside but there's this underlying rule that I have to keep my shit together.

I saw Rachel's hands were clinging onto August's arm and that was the moment that I knew I should stay away. At least for now. I suddenly remembered there are a lot of people around and eventually my plan was squashed like cockroach. It was a pain in the chest but I had to pull myself away.

I ended up going to our turf and I saw Phil, Marlon and Leopold all smoking. I walked straight towards Marlon and snatched the newly lit cigarette out of his hands.

"Hey that's my cigarette," He complained but I gave him a quick look. "Okay, you can have it." He spat sounding defeated.

***

Lunch break eventually reeled and it was the most festive that I had ever since this school semester began. I have money now and I ended up getting almost everything that I wanted. I got a spaghetti, some meatballs, a slice of pizza and a garlic bread.

"Did you just bought everything on the menu?" Phil uttered noticing the food that I had bought at the counter. "Man, you seem very much hungry!"

"I am," I spat feeling a bit proud that I can finally have what I want compared to the events last week.

"Can I try those meatballs?" Marlon asked and he was already reaching his fork towards my plate.

"Na ah! Hands off my food!" I trailed quickly tapping his fork away using my spoon. I might be selfish but this was the only time that I can taste some real ass food.

"I just want a taste. I'm getting tired of this packed lunch." Marlon complained as he started playing what's inside his lunch box.

"I feel you, bro!" Leopold trailed in agreement.

"What about you Phil? Are you on a diet or something?" I asked staring at Phil's plate. He only bought a pasta.

"Of course not. This pasta is the only thing that I like from the menu." He replied and I was already devouring my food.

"What are you, a girl now?" I teased him as I continued shoving spaghetti inside my mouth.

"The fuck are you saying, Ambrose?" Phil sounded a bit pissed off.

"You're being picky," I replied.

"I'm not. I just heard that someone found a dead fly on their plate yesterday,"

"Wha...." I was just about to shove a meatball inside my mouth but I had to stop in the middle.

"HAHAHAHA!" I heard Leopold and Marlon chuckling.

"For real?" I asked refusing to believe Phil.

"Yup,"

"Who gives a shit," I spat eventually shaking whatever disgust there is that might hinder me from pigging out. I'm hungry and I don't care if I find something on my plate.

We all continued eating our meal and here I thought I forgot about the existence of August, I heard Nicole shrieking. I turned my head towards their table.

"Yieeeeee!!!! You all heard that right!" Nicole yelled and my curiosity was instantly poked in all of its corners.

"Shhhh!" I saw August trying to calm Nicole down but she was just giggling.

"Rachel isn't single anymore!" Nicole screamed at the top of her lungs and I quickly felt my heart tremble.

There was a sudden wave of noise throughout the cafeteria as Nicole announced that August and Rachel are apparently a couple now.

"What the fuck is happening?" I heard Marlon speaking up his confusion.

"Are you hearing this, Ambrose?" Phil asked and I can feel he wants to know what I think. I stayed quiet but I'm breaking down on the inside. As much as I would've want to react to the current fiasco, my throat felt numb and chilly.

I was left speechless in accordance with my mood turning cloudy. I don't want to believe what Nicole had just announced but I looked at August and he wasn't denying any of it. This is utterly ridiculous. I looked away from their table feeling the sudden appearance of this lump inside my throat. I tried to focus on finishing my food and let everyone react from what's going on. My ears began to grow numb and the only noise that I can hear are the sound of my heart being crushed to bits and pieces and all the gibberish reactions from everybody.

My heart resumed crumbling as I tried my hardest to swallow the last of my meal. By the time I was finished with my meal, I stood up and walked out of the cafeteria.

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