18.4: A Secret Affair

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AUGUST

Did I just forgot that I still have a girlfriend?

The question seemed to drill a massive hole inside my head leading me towards this deep and unnerving sink hole that's called panic. I'm so much caught up with Ambrose's intriguing attention that I literally forgot about Rachel's existence. I still have a girlfriend to check upon and that woman's crazily obsessed with me. I forgot that I'm still playing the straight dude, for Pete's sake.

I only went to the dining table with my parents for about half an hour, not even close to that, and I already missed this much calls. I stared at the twelve calls that I missed and just by looking at the red text, it appeared like it's going to swallow me alive. Those twelve missed calls could even mean a ton of things. It could mean that Rachel's probably upset with me and now I'm starting to list a few possible reasons as to why. Could it be that she saw me ride Ambrose's motorcycle last night? Or could it be that she just missed me so much?

I tapped a few things on my contacts until I was already looking at the redial button with such dilemma. I'm trying to decide whether I should call Rachel back or should I just leave things be what it is. If I call her back and she's upset with me, I don't think I'm more than ready for that. I have never saw or heard Rachel being upset and if she's upset, this will be our first ever fight. If I just leave things be then I'm going to become the irresponsible and unthoughtful boyfriend. I don't want to tarnish my squeaky clean reputation with Rachel.

"Fuck!" I muttered under my breath. I'm even walking deeper towards the anxious route completely because I still want Rachel by my side in order for me to stay afloat the social ladder. I suddenly recalled the upsetting scene of Rachel smooching Phil and it's starting to strike me in the back. I know I shouldn't be mad about that knowing the fact that I'm not really in love with her. But I don't know I should let her be that kind of woman. I still believe that Rachel's one of the good girls and I want her to be that good girl. Perhaps I should give her a pass for that?

I took a deep breath before eventually pressing the redial button. Rachel's phone rang for a few seconds before she picked it up.

"Hi," I began mustering a bit of courage to face her.

"Babe!" Rachel shrilled over the phone. "Thank god you called back. I really missed you so much." She added and I felt a sudden rush of relief. Judging by her tone, she's not upset with me. Little did she know, I'm a bit upset with her but I'm going to keep that emotion to myself.

"I really missed you too." I replied almost matching her energy.

"I'm so sorry I went missing last night." She blurted out in what would become the gagging moment to me. I heard her utter the words perfectly clear and I was more than astonished. I thought I was the one who went missing last night and here's Rachel apologizing for vanishing. "I'm so wasted last night."

I'm probably still stunned to speak or even let out some kind of noise. I don't know what to say and the silence followed like it already knows when to appear.

"August?" Rachel muttered after I went quiet for a long time.

"Yeah I'm still here." I replied instantly letting her know I didn't drop the call.

"I'm really really sorry, August. I'm so wasted last night. I don't remember what happened. The last thing I remembered was both of us dancing and after that, everything was a blurry mess." Rachel proceeded on explaining what happened without me asking for it and it sounded skeptical to me.

"How'd you got out of the party?" I asked in wonderment. There's a part of me that wants to catch her cheating and I have some questions formed inside my head. Asking those questions might trap her in a box where I could easily say she cheated.

"I don't know. It was crazy. Everything was just fuzzy. I just woke up in Victoria's bed and we're both wasted. I don't know how we got out of the party. I don't even remember driving." Rachel continued and she's not really giving much details.

"I mean, you both got home safe and sound. I think that's what matters." I spat and I've just decided to keep what I saw to myself. "I'm at peace with that."

I don't want to fight with Rachel right now and I don't think I will ever be fighting with her. I just think it's a total waste of energy to be creating arguments about her cheating when I know, deep down inside me, that I'm also cheating. I went home Ambrose last night just after he admitted his feelings towards me and we even kissed. The bottom line here was that, me and Rachel are both walking on the same cheating pavement.

***

Monday came and I sat with Rachel, Victoria and Nicole during our first break. The mood was almost the same except that I have a few reservations about the current situation. There are things that I know but I couldn't even let out without risking my place in this clique. Rachel was still clingy to me and I almost thought things between us would be more awkward and less flirty but I was dead wrong. Maybe it's because Rachel has already apologized prior today. My mind's starting to form this unreasonable thought that Rachel's probably acting rather innocent when in truth, she knows that she kissed Phil. I don't know her as an actress and that's the scary thing. I can't read her.

"Guys I have something to confess." Nicole began gathering us in a closer almost clumped up situation.

"What is it?" I asked moving towards the inner core. We were all sitting on the park bench and we had to lean on each other.

"Marlon and I just kissed." Nicole giggled in much exhilaration but still making her voice toned down to a lower level so the people around won't hear her.

"What? Really? You fucking slut..." Victoria replied.

"Shut up.... Really?" Rachel sounded surprised too.

"It's true. It's not my first kiss but he was damn good at kissing." Nicole trailed almost dreamily.

"I'm so freaking jealous of you. But did you guys hooked up?" Victoria asked.

"uhmmm..." Nicole just went quiet but the look on her face, that simple smile, was more than enough to answer Victoria's pressuring question.

The girls continued talking when my attention was unprecedentedly caught by the sight of Ambrose passing by. He was looking at me with such a hidden agenda and I felt this electric pang struck me in the chest. I looked at him and I'm trying my best not to make a smile and he looked at peace with that. I saw his hand fished a piece of folded paper that he quickly dropped under this bush. He gave me one last glance, this time he was smiling from ear to ear and he looked bright with that smile. I noticed how he looked rather dashing and presentable now compared his usual style.

"Excuse me for a second. I need to go to the bathroom." I uttered subsequently removing Rachel's arm away from mine. The girls just let me walk out like I'm not a vital part of the group and that's probably because they were much preoccupied by telling their experiences at that party.

I walked towards the bush and as sneaky as it may look, I panicked in picking up what Ambrose had left for me. With a snappy move, I slipped the piece of paper inside the pocket of my suit before eventually trudging towards the comfort room. By the time I found the private space inside the compartment, I fished the piece of folded paper out of my pocket, unfolded it and eventually reading what's written on it.

"Meet me after class. I'll wait for you at the parking lot."

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