Murder Most Unladylike Groupchat

35

Longarms 🇺🇸: oh shite

Hazelnut 💗: I'm sorry Ale, but you using British slang swears is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

Uncle Felix 😎: ah yes what a good idea, let the interrogation begin 😏

Aunt Lucy 🔍: How many relationships have you been in before Hazel?

Longarms 🇺🇸: none

Bertie 🌍: Would you ever intentionally harm Hazel?

Longarms 🇺🇸: no

Uncle Felix 😎: Have you had sex with Hazel?

Longarms 🇺🇸: I cannot confirm or deny

Uncle Felix 😎: so that's a yes

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: is Hazel good at sex?

Longarms 🇺🇸: yes

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: are you lying?

Longarms 🇺🇸: no

Aunt Lucy 🔍: does your family know?

Longarms 🇺🇸: no, we don't really speak. I plan on telling my grandmother.

Hazelnut 💗: Oh yeah Aunt Lucy you're familiar with Alex's grandmother

Aunt Lucy 🔍: am I?

Longarms 🇺🇸: yes Mrs Vitellus, I plan on telling my grandmother Countess Demidovskoi.

Aunt Lucy 🔍: fuck she's scary

Longarms 🇺🇸: Hence why I haven't told her yet

Bertie 🌍: Do you want kids?

Longarms 🇺🇸: yes

Uncle Felix 😎: what do you want to do for a living?

Longarms 🇺🇸: either be a detective or work in an office

Uncle Felix 😎: what sort of office?

Longarms 🇺🇸: George said that his father might be able to get me an apprenticeship in a risk management office.

Uncle Felix 😎: they get paid very well

Longarms 🇺🇸: yeah well I do want to be able to support my future family.

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: Do you love Hazel

Longarms 🇺🇸: I do

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: How much do you love her?

Longarms 🇺🇸: I'd die for her.

Hazelnut 💗: Alex...

Longarms 🇺🇸: it's true Haz, I love you so much I can't think of what would happen to me if I didn't have you.

Bertie 🌍: Why did you propose so soon after you started dating.

Longarms 🇺🇸: I love Hazel so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Something happened the day I proposed that mad me realise how much I loved her. A girl in Hazel's year tried to get me to leave her and date her instead. But I didn't because I am in love with Hazel and I want to spend the rest of my life showing it.

Aunt Lucy 🔍: that's really sweet

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: If Hazel falls out of love with you what would you do?

Longarms 🇺🇸: I'd let her go. I would never stop loving her however if she stopped loving me I'd let her find the person she truly loves.

Hazelnut 💗: Alexander that will NEVER happen. I love you so god damn much and I couldn't bare for us to not be together.

Bertie 🌍: when is the wedding?

Longarms 🇺🇸: whenever we want

Hazelnut 💗: I think we should wait untill we have left school.

Longarms 🇺🇸: as in this year, after your 16th birthday or after we have left 6th form and are both 18?

Hazelnut 💗: What do you want to do?

Longarms 🇺🇸: Marry you as soon as I can

Hazelnut 💗: well then let's get married after my sweet 16

Aunt Lucy 🔍: are you sure that you're not rushing into things?

Longarms 🇺🇸: we may have rushed however I think it's for the best. I wasted over a year and a half thinking that Hazel didn't like me. I can't get that time back however I want to show her how much she means to me.

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: Hazel why didn't you want to wait until after you have a job?

Hazelnut 💗: In my family and quite a few of the families that are friends with my parents, it is very common for girls to get married at 16. It is also very common for arranged marriages to occur. If I got married very young, I'd rather it be with someone I love rather than someone who is just met.

Longarms 🇺🇸: you don't mind getting married really young?

Hazelnut 💗: Alex if I minded I would have said no. I'm really happy that we are getting married young. We have a really sweet and romantic story to tell our kids and grandkids when we get older.

Bertie 🌍: yay I'll get to be an uncle 🥳

Uncle Felix 😎: I'll be a great Uncle...that's scary.

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: I'll be the best aunt ever.

Longarms 🇺🇸: I love you Hazel ❤️❤️❤️

Hazelnut 💗: I love you too Alex 💗💗💗

Bertie 🌍: Alexander you seem like a great guy and it would be my honour to let you marry my little sister.

Hazelnut 💗: thank you Bertie

Uncle Felix 😎: you really love her?

Longarms 🇺🇸: yes, I do

Uncle Felix 😎: Alexander, you have my blessing.

Uncle Felix 😎: Hazel, it would be my honour to walk you down the aisle to give you away to this brilliant young man.

Longarms 🇺🇸: Thank you Felix

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: I'm not sure that brilliant is the correct word here...

Aunt Lucy 🔍: Daisy don't ruin this moment.

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: alright sorry

Aunt Lucy 🔍: Alexander make sure you take care of Hazel

Longarms 🇺🇸: I will although I don't think she needs me to take care of her

Bertie 🌍: very true

Uncle Felix 😎: yep, very true

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: and Hazel don't forget to kick him in the balls if he's a wanker.

Hazelnut 💗: Daisy...

Bertie 🌍: Daisy you are an idiot

I'mthebestpersonever 💖: what, I said it to Aunt Lucy when she and Uncle Felix got married and I'll say it to Harold when you and him get married.