If It Is You (Y.Jw) [Sequel]

Please Don't

March, 2021

Pressing the small red button on screen I immediately waved with both my hands at my phone that was streaming my vlive. My phone was propped up against the bars around my bunk as I sat with my pillow in my grip as I waited for the numbers to go a bit up.

"I don't intend for the numbers to go majorly up before I began speaking," I pointed out before quickly checking the numbers, "I'll just begin now," I stated and smiled at the camera before doing some more small waves at it, "hello, it's Jiyeon-ie here. I wanted to come and have some more... serious talk with you guys. The boys are currently playing some game in the livnig room, so I think I'm safe for now. If any of you boys are watching this, please don't enter."

I glanced around the room to look for a way to start the live properly.

"So uh... I'm wearing my glasses today... I sort of felt like I had to be Vita for today, and it's just perfect. I found the biggest sweater I had in my closet, and I'm hugging my pillow here, so everything is as Vita as it gets," I excused with a small laugh and pushed up my specs a bit, "I don't really think it was necessary for me to say that," I let out another small laugh, "I guess I'm just trying to avoid what I wanted to speak about today, but now I already started the live and I'm sort of bound to do it now, and I want to do it. I just need to pull myself together... yeah..."

I looked down at the screen, the comments were slower than normally. It was nice for a change, to not see them flashing every milisecond. I stared at them for a while before swiping the comment section off screen, knowing it would end up distracting me.

"So... I'm here to talk about my brother today, my older brother," I clapped my hands together, "and for some background about why I would be doing this... some may also have realized I'm doing it in English... but I wanted to reach as many as possible as fast as possible," I waved it off, "but as I said, the reason I am doing this is because on our socials, whether it's a comment on twitter or a post by you guys on our Weverse, I often see... I often see fans posting or commenting about how our happiness, or just us in general are the reason they're alive. I don't know with what underlying tones these posts or comments have made, but it made me want to sit down and talk about my older brother. The ones of you that have seen the last episode of I-Land will know that I have an older brother, beside Jiseok, who committed suicide exactly a year, three months and seven days ago. Right in between Christmas and New Year's back in 2019.

So, let me say... if you sit with any suicidal thoughts... please, please, please, please get help. There is no reason for you to take your life, you might be able to justify it with whatever reason you might have, but if you really think long and good about it, it's not really that good of a reason.

If you... if you kill yourself... your mom, your dad, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, anyone who has ever had contact to you, will be so confused. They're standing back with all these questions and feelings that they'll never get answers to. What they think about the most is... what person could you have been. They think about that so much... what person could you have become if you never did what you did.

It's the most frustrating thing ever, and in a way they hate you but at the same time they also love you. It's all just one big mess of questions they'll never get answers to. It's just never ending of reallu unesseccary feelings and overload of constant pain of just wondering," I sighed as I laid my head in my hands and tried to hold in my laughter, "I really didn't want to cry," I breathed out and looked back up again, "Just don't do it... please... " I breathed out as the door opened.

Niki looked over towards his bunk before looking up at me, his eyes immediately widening.

"Noona?" he questioned making me lift my hand and do a small wave at him as he immediately closed the door behind him.

"Hi," I croaked out.

He did not say anything before rushing over and up in my bunk before pulling me into a tight hug, letting me bury my face in his shoulder as he rocked me back and forth.

"Are you okay?" he questioned as I just nodded at him, "Shall I get Jungwon-ie hyung?"

"No," I muttered as I shook my head at him.

"Ah... you're doing a live," he pointed out as I felt him reach over and grab my phone, "hello," he cooed at the camera, "I think noona is going to end this now. We'll take good care of her, don't worry. Cut," he stated before placing my phone back on the bed again, "are you sure I shouldn't go get hyung?"

"I'm fine," I muttered and pulled away from his shoulder and wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my sweater.

"Niki!" Sunoo screamed out as he opened the door to the bedroom, eyes immediately landing on me, "oh, Sunny," he muttered before rushing over and engulfing me in a big warm hug as well, making both of us fall backwards on my bed.

"Hyung, you're gonna kill her!" Niki exclaimed, making me let out a small laugh at them.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"Now, what has put a raincloud in front of my sunshine?" Sunoo questioned as he pushed himself up on his elbows and placed his head in his hands.

"It's nothing," I waved it off to him.

"Yah, tell me," he complained as he nudged my arm.

"You really wanna know?" I questioned and looked over at him, making him eagerly nod at me, "I told the fans a bit about my brother."

"Which one?" Niki questioned.

"Jihoon," Sunoo replied for him, "Jiseok wouldn't make her look like this," Sunoo gestured to my face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I complained at him, making him sheepishly grin at me.

"Nothing~" Sunoo happily cooed at me, "so... what do you want to do to get happy?" he questioned as he nudged my arm once more, "how about we go to the convenience store and we get enough chocolate for you to get diagnosed with Diabetes."

"Sounds tempting," I nodded at him.

"Jungwon-ie hynug won't like it if it's bad for noona's health," Niki spoke up.

"What's bad for Ji's heath?" Jungwon's voice spoke up from the door, making me lift my head and look over at him in confusion. How could he open the door so silently?

"Would you mind if I feed her enough chocolate to make her Diabetic?" Sunoo questioned making Jungwon let out a small gasp, as a small frown appeared on his face.

"That's my job," Jungwon hissed at him, "and why would that be necessary?"

"When have you taken me out to get me that much chocolate?" I arched a brow at him.

"Touche, and you didn't answer my question," Jungwon pointed out.

"Noona is sad, but we are taking care of it. You... go away," Niki pointed to the door, making Jungwon let out another gasp, before Niki let out a small laugh, "right noona?"

"Yeah!" I exclaimed in agreement.

"You sure they can take care of this?" Jungwon questioned as he looked over at me.

"Mhm," I nodded at him as I pushed myself up on my elbows, "my boys knows how to cheer me up."

"Fine, but we're speaking about it later," he pointed out to me and I just nodded in agreement, "and I'm still your pretty boy."

"Of course," I nodded at him making a small smile appear on his face.

"Don't make yourself sad, another time," he pointed out and I just nodded at him, "good," he stated before returning to the living room once again.