fuck.
johnny
i lie alone in the bedroom for a few hours, staring at the ceiling. deciding wether or not i should go check on her. i decision to, sliding my bare top half out of bed along with the rest of me.
the broken glass still shattered onto the floor, i had to carefully step over it. creeping the door open, i walked out into the hallway and looked over the railing. to see her curled up on the couch, wrapped up in a grey blanket.
i made my way to her grabbing the remote and pausing the living room tv. i kneeled in front of her face that looked down at the floor.
"b-baby, we need to talk." calling her baby just sent an outraged sensation throughout my body.
"no." she played with the small small fibers on the blanket
"just listen." i ran my thumb over the flushed skin of her cheek, she grabbed my wrist and pushed it off. i didn't let it phase me for now.
"i don't want to listen to someone that is accusing me of something i didn't do." she absolutely refused to look my way.
"i have a feeling that you did though, he wouldn't have called you love other wise." i pulled the blanket out of her face that she was currently covering.
"no i fucking didn't! get the fuck away from me!" her words stung every feeling in my body and made them swell up.
"why would you do this to me? to us?" i asked, purging my index finger under her chin and lifting her head for her to look at me.
"i didn't do anything you have no proof that i've cheated all you did was read fucking text messages!" she yelled into my face again, making my blood begin to boil.
"stop having a damn attitude! let me talk to you y/n."
"i don't want to talk to you, just leave me be!"
"i'm not leaving you alone until you tell me the fucking truth. do you not understand that i fucking love you. god damn i've put my all into you. into this relationship and this is what it's come to." out of frustration my hand went up to my hair to swoop it to the other side, it began to fall into my eyes. bed hair.
"you made it this way!" her once soft angelic voice hollered.
"why were you even texting him in the first place?!"
"he's my friend damn!"
"friends don't do what i saw in those messages, he wouldn't have said that he fucking misses you!"
"we've been on fall break that's the only reason he said that, it's nothing like what you think it is!" she fisted the cushion of the black fluffy couch in anger.
"that still isn't telling me anything! you've been seeing him behind my back and shit!" she squirmed around in the blanket starting to sit and walk away but i place a firm hand on her knee. a suggestion that shed better stay.
"it'd be nice if you'd stop accusing me of shit!"
"stop yelling in my face see how it feels!" i did the same, not realizing what id done. she looked frightened, my husky voice and warm breath all in her face. same things she'd done to me by making me feel like nothing.
"you're such a fucking dick!" she pulled away from me. moving past me, causing my back to fall fast the marbled coffee table.
"fucking bitch!" i couldn't help it. no i didn't mean it at all, i didn't mean to say it to her. when i get really pissed, i get pissed. i do shit that ill regret, and shit that i don't mean. to anyone, and when i see red. i can't control myself.
my words made her turn around, mid waking stance. "what did you say?!" i buried my head in my hands, hearing her footsteps trail back to me.
i stood my figure even and stood tall next to hers. if there's one thing we had in common, when we both get mad we get fuming.
"repeat what you just said johnny!" she looked into my eyes, hers turning a dark shade of her usual light brown eyes.
"i said you are a fucking bitch!" i didn't mean it.
i didn't think she'd ever do next what she was about to do to me. her hand came up and slammed against my cheek. causing the bottom of my jaw to part sideways. she's the last person i'd expect to slap me.
it wasnt a soft sucking slap, that shit was fucking hard. mama ain't raise no bitch. it left me grabbing at the skin of my cheek, scrunching my face up in pain. causing me to wince in pain.
"the next girl that you call a bitch, won't be me. im done johnny, i can't do this anymore." her voice spoke shaking in the midst of it all.
"what are you saying?!" i yell, holding my face as i reach out for her. pulling her into me.
"let go of me johnny!"
"i didn't mean what it said baby." i whispered into her hair, feeling weak from her presence.
"you wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it!"
"and what makes you think you can just slap me!" i just wanted all the fighting to stop, for her to listen and everything to be okay again.
"because i don't want to be with you anymore! let the fuck go of me!" i imagine her hand print on my cheek, it turning a dark light shade of red. i drop my arms from around her.
"you want to break up?!"
"yes. i really fucking hate you and actually i can't stand you!"
"you wanna break up, shit let's break up. i don't give a fuck, about you or this relationship. because goddamn i guess it meant nothing to you!"
she literally ran upstairs and out of my sight in fear that i would follow her. i couldn't stand it, i couldn't stand being without her. i needed her.
everything i love is officially gone. i am nothing, the half that completed the rest of me is just willing to up and leave. i jumped when the bedroom door slammed. we'd gotten into fights before but this fight was the most horrific.
i fucking hate myself, and all of these choices i have to make. i don't want no one else, but i have to be all alone for the change. i have to change the pain.
part 3 or what? lemme know. this was shitty and i hate myself.
