a flossy black, shining rover pulls up past the curb of the sidewalk.
we gather most of what we can in jacks car, remnants still lying on the hot cement. looking back i see myself sitting on the curb while i know johnny was looking down on us from the balcony. cutting his eyes at our every move. i didn't have to look to know that he was watching.
i cried most of the tim while picking them up, my clothes covered in dirt and half of my possessions were coated in mud. jack sat with the car running for a minute, noticing that i was still crying my eyes out.
feeling his big warm hand rub circles on my back to calm me. didn't really work being that we're still parked in front of my ex boyfriend and i's apartment. almost a fucking year. ruining everything is usually what i'm best at.
my head buried in my hands, he didn't even try and pull off yet.
"i'm sorry my love." his voice was shaky, i really didn't know wether to look at him or not. the face that drove me insane and now i have nothing. sympathetic for something that he took part of.
he just wanted to comfort me, i'm sure he wanted my presence just as much. lifting my head up, i wiped the couple of tears the fell with the pad of my thumb.
looking over at jack and his wide smile. it reminded me of johnny. he'd laugh anytime i did something stupid or when we alone, and burst out high notes to a song while we were in the car. none of this is the same. sure, jacks an absolutely amazing guy that does t deserve some one as hurt and as broken as me.
"why'd you tell him?" he asks, my hand rested on the arm rest between us and he caressed it with his fingers slowly.
"i-i don't even fucking know jack... he k-kept pressuring me. just getting my face and screaming at me, i was scared to tell him for this reason. he'd a-already know i-i was you b-because o-of the tracker on my phone." i catch my breath in between sniffles. my visions blurry from the remaining tears.
"baby, you need to turn it off." he grabs my phone, already pressing his thumb down on the screen to unlock it. turning it off for me, seeing as i wasn't able to.
even after all this time, you can't be replaced even if i tried.
i'm looking at jacks face and all i can see is johnny. not that they even look alike, that's just who i want right now. we should've been heart to heart, my mind is on him.
"you good?" i hear his husked voice fill the air, getting caught up in my thoughts, causing some of the tears to leave.
"i'm fine can we go?" i held onto his bicep as the cat began to move when he put it in drive. i wanted someone to hold me honestly.
"whatever you want." he cooed.
every time i think i've found some body i just wish that somebody was you.
there's no way that someone else could make me ever feel the way you do.
my body sunk into jacks couch, him plopping down next to me. burying his face in the crook of my neck.
the ding of my phone catches my attention. once i looked down at the bright screen on my lap, it said that it was a message from johnny.
j baby ♡
meet me that diner we used to go to. be here at eight.
there was no love you or anything. the words used to made it seem like it was so long ago.
"are you gunna go?" jack asks, assuming he'd read the message on my phone.
"i think i will, for closure mostly." i pause. "is it cool if i use your car?"
"keys are right here." johnny and jack withstood there distance from each other, one would've gotten scrapped.
he's sitting at a booth, way in the back corner. having a chocolate milkshake to help him cope with the news, that i'd broken to him several hours before. he always came here when he was stressed or wanted to be alone.
"sit." he bites down on the clear plastic straw.
make it hard for me to love again.
oh where do i start?
and when do you end?
even if i tell myself i can
i know that i'll break, i'll break.
before i can bend.
"i've said some things, you've done some things that can't be taken back and things that neither of us will forget." he pauses. "for that i apologize from the bottom of my broken heart."
fucking broke his heart, ass wipe.
"johnny i didn't mean to-"
"you didn't mean to open your legs and give him some? you didn't mean to go over to jacks house and let him tap that ass? you didn't mean to let him slip inside you?" he pushed the milkshake out of his face.
"all of those things are choices. just like it was your choice to cheat on me. i was a good ass boyfriend, yo, and that's some dirty shit that you did. actually i don't even fault jack for this. i fault you because you knew of my trust in you and then you go and mess that all up because you wanted some dick." at this point i'm surprised he isn't yelling at me again.
"john can i say something?" i say quietly trying to defend myself. there really was no defending i'm in the wrong here.
"jack isn't you, i wanted it to be you the entire time. there wasn't a time that you didn't cross my mind any of the times i was with him. when i woke up and saw him sleeping on the side of the bed that you usually sleep on it wasn't the same."
"i-i want you, and it's always been you. you can make me feel ways that jack will never be able to. i fucked up and i get that but we all make mistakes and i've forgiven you multiple times and given you chance after chance, you can't even find it in you heart to give me one." i scrunch my nose up, and johnny's just glaring at me with a blank stare. probably reconsidering everything.
"that's why i wanted you to come, we need to start fresh and act like none of this even happened. it isn't healthy for me to mope around in love with a girl that broke my heart." he sniffs, feeling like he was about to cry in this open diner. "i-i just can't let you go, my goodness."
"no one compares to you."
mmm yo. if u like jack sum good shit coming in a few min, be looking and checking. love u.♡
