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my knuckles tapped again and again against wooden the door frame. forcing johnny to turn and look at me.
"dinners ready. delilah is already at the table." i patiently speak, hand now resting from its knuckle taps.
"think i'll just eat in here, or just have some in a bit. i've hit this creative streak, and i'm actually getting somewhere with this album." focus back on his guitar and page full of lyrics in front of him.
"no, john. you're going to come eat dinner with your wife and daughter." i retort, knitting my eyebrows together.
"why are you getting upset? it's just dinner. you're making this out to be a bigger deal than it has to be." he says focusing on the strumming of his guitar and his pencil down on the piece of white paper. he was only home because his studio session for today was cancelled, but he craved to write, create, and imagine. he couldn't control himself.
i take a few steps into the bedroom, moving closer to the desk. scanning over his shirtless body, back muscles clenching as he stood to write once he got the perfect words. clad in black sweats that clung above his waist just right.
"would you at least look at me? and it's actually a huge deal." he turns around to look at me directly, sighing. "and how so?"
"could you please just come sit at the table and eat dinner with your family."
"i can't. i'm too busy," he proceeds to frustratedly scribble on the piece of paper on the flat-glass surface in front of him. "too busy for you family?" i ask, feet continuing their contact with the carpeted floor.
"you knew what you were getting yourself into when you married me, so don't start that." he ran a hand through his locks of hair.
"no, actually. i didn't know it would be like this. i knew you were passionate about what you do. but i thought you were passionate about your family."
"do you know how fucked up that is? i'd do anything for both of you." he speaks, finally giving me his full attention.
"it doesn't seem that way," i purse my lips, whilst crossing my arms over my chest.
"y/n, you need to understand that this is my career. i love what i do." he groans, mumbling something inaudible under his breath.
"i do understand that. but you need to understand is that delilah is only little for so long. he's going to grow up so quickly, and you're going to regret never being there for her." johnny takes his bottom lip in between his teeth, rolling his eyes, standing up shortly after. "i love you guys. i really do. but i also love music. i love being an artist its what i do. i really want you to support me and my career."
"oh, fuck that johnny. you know i support you and everything you do."
"i hope you do."
"i do. and you already know that. but what i know is that you are missing out on your daughter growing up. she's here and she's right in front of your face. you can't watch her grow up through pictures, videos, and facetime. you have to be here for you daughter and live in the moment." i plead softly. johnny's hand resting his bare hips, and he shook his head.
"so now you're trying to make me feel guilty for following my dreams?"
"what? john- no! all i want is for you to spend time with delilah before you're tour again and miss out on her growing up!" raising my voice, tears of frustration welling up my eyes. johnny stares at me, his face softening slightly as he sighs. nervously scratching the back of his neck.
"she needs you to be around more. i need you to be around more. i wake up alone and i go to bed alone. i just can't take it anymore, john. i'm so tired." tears trailing down my hot cheeks.
"god, no.. d-don't, don't cry. i'm sorry, but-" he starts.
"but, nothing. your daughter is out there, waiting for you. you're always either cooped up in this room writing or hundred of miles away from us, touring, for months at a time johnny. your daughter needs you here. he needs fully know you, and spend time with you. please, just come out here and talk to her. she's only two. you need to be here and watch her grow up." i storm off, large tears clouding my vision.
i'm gone before johnny can't even say anything, roughly wiping my eyes as i walk down the hallway. i can't help but sniffle while i fix delilah's plate before my own. sitting down next to her, sighing.
"are you otay mwommy?" delilah questions, her big green eyes looking at me sadly.
"yeah, princess. mommy's okay." flashing a tired smile her way.
"how tome you and dwaddy were yellin'th?"
i look at her, not being able to find the words to say. "it was nothing, sweetheart. it's okay. just eat your dinner."
i move bits of rice around on the plate with my fork as my daughter eats her food, humming happily.
"don't pway wit your fwood!" she grins, knowing that it was usually me telling her that and not the other way around. "i'm not playing with my food," i say, half smiling.
she giggles her small laugh, making my heart full. minutes later i hear footsteps and looking up to meet johnny's emerald inciting eyes.
"hey, babygirl," he leans over kissing delilah's forehead before glancing over at me. he takes a few more steps. locking his arms around my neck, for his hands to meet at my chest. connecting his plump, pink lips to my neck for light, dainty lingering pecks. although, i don't want to i pull away from him. delilah bursts into a fit of laughter for no apparent reason.
"ew dwaddy! mwommy doesn'th wanna kith you betause you're ugly!" she smiles, mouth full of food.
"dede, that's not nice." johnny's face scrunches up, a smirk plastering across it. "she didn't think i was too ugly when we had you." delilah had no idea yet throws her chubby arms up when i slap johnny's arm for talking like that in front of her. ignoring the obvious tension between us.
he pulls out the chair across from from me. i look down at my plate, harshly shoving my fork through a piece of food before eating it. taking a deep breath to calm myself down. i shouldn't be upset anymore, he came down her to be with me and delilah.
"what'd you do today, baby?" he asks giving me his undivided attention.
"delilah and i went to see a movie, then she helped me with lunch." i answer with a meaningful smile, lips meeting the glass of water to take a sip of it.
"did she now, honey?" johnny asks, raising his eyebrows with a grin. "oh, yeah she's the best cook."
the rest of dinner is full of laughter and uplifting conversation. once everyone is finished eating johnny picks delilah up, resting her on his hip, and clears the table. neatly placing the dishes in the dishwasher. i walk over to them, rubbing small circles on delilah's back.
"why don't you go wait for daddy in the living room? you can play a game with him." johnny puts her down, and the little girl runs into the living room. climbing herself up onto the couch.
"i'm sorry about earlier, john."
"it's okay babe, i get it."
"i just don't want you to miss out on anymore than you have to." i lowly whisper, peering at delilah engaged in the cartoon on the tv. "i know, i don't want to either."
i nod, not getting the chance to reply before my daughter interrupts us. "huwwy dwaddy!"
a full smile growing on both of our faces before johnny runs into the living room. scooping delilah up into his arms. i make my way into the living room, plopping down on the couch as johnny places sloppy kisses all over delilah's small face.
