johnny
"wha... i." she had no words left to say to me. being caught in the act.
"how long have you been making these y/n?" god only knows. i fanned the tape in her face before i angrily threw it behind me.
"uh about five months now." she tapped the bottom of her chin with her small index finger. i couldn't grasp if she thought this was okay or not.
"five months and you didn't come to me." my voice cracked, chocking up.
"how could i come to you, you listened to the first one. i said you will never understand. no one knows how i feel, or wants to know. i've had it johnny." she paused, throwing her purse down on the same glass table that the red ribboned box was on. "i fucking hate myself johnny. i want to die there is no purpose for me. i am nothing and it's always been that way. you cannot convince me other wise." i couldn't do anything but stare at her face.
despair. emptiness.
"why? i don't understand where i went wrong." i grabbed at either of her shoulders and just held her as close to me as possible. if i did let go i'd lose her, and i knew that.
"you are perfect john you did nothing." i let her he'd sink into the crook of my neck as we stood. running my fingers through back of her head. i tried to ease her worried mind.
"then why would you want to leave me. all alone. i would be nothing without you. i can't loose you. oh my god i really fucking can't. you're all i have and my most prized possession. i don't want you to leave this world if it isn't your time." she shook her head no into my neck.
"i want to be like that girl that slit her wrists and bled out in the hot water of the bathtub. letting the blood and water mix together, overflowing out of the bath tub and flooding the bathroom." graphic. my babygirl, is lost her.
"oh no please. i don't know what the fuck to do. y/n i will get one my knees a thousand times and beg you not to. if you love me enough you won't do this to me, you... or us. i could never date anyone else they're not you. you are one of a kind angel." i patted the back of her head. twisting and tilting our bodies a little bit as we stood there.
"john i love you that's doesn't change that fact that i'm fucked up in the head. i'm numb and have no way to turn." her words stung me. i hopes i was changing her mind slowly but surely.
"i will get you help. professional help. i will not let you do this to yourself because i will not let you out of my sight. you're mine, all i want and i can't share you. lead alone losing you." if she was willing to change i was willing to help.
"y-you would do that." i could always wrap her around my ginger wether it be anything. one thing i was sure of is that y/n loves me. anything that was in favor of loving me she would always pick loving me.
if i wouldn't have found these tapes my girlfriend would be dead. gone. deceased.
"you know i would. i would do anything for you. i just can't fucking loose you baby." a warm kiss latched onto the skin of her neck. i had to let go if i kept going, i wouldn't be able to stop.
"i can try."
um might be a part 3 don't rlly need one tho. luv u.
