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an oversized shirt hung past my knees. giving myself one last glance in the bathroom mirror, before i spit my toothpaste into the sink and washed my mouth out with water.
a warm body connecting with mine, the pair of arms falling around my waist. allowing the front of my body to push up against the counter. johnny. his face rested in the crook of my neck. pressing his lips to the skin.
"baby," he whispered. the hairs of his head brushing up against the bottom of my chin. "i only want to hold you like this."
his statement flustered me. causing him to notice my nervousness, and it just made it all worse.
"what is it?" he asked. i just couldn't quite understand. how could he only want to love me when he's clinging onto someone else. his ex. he never stops talking about her. at times, i think he's only with me so that i distract him from her. "did i say something?" i stayed down at the position we were in, my back side against his front.
"um no.. n-no you didn't." i couldn't help that he didn't want me, he only wanted her. i unwrapped his hands from around my waist and headed for the bedroom. my weak body collapsing on the gray satin bed. wrapping myself back up into the sheets and comforter, like i was when i'd first woken up this morning.
the lump grew in the spot next to me, the bed sinking in as he laid down. pulling me into him as i tried to refuse, but he wouldn't let me.
"if something wasn't wrong, you wouldn't have walked away. you can't just walk away when things get too hard," his voice was subtle. "god, you act so much like kendall. this is always what we would fight over-"
"do i look like kendall?! no!" i seethe. "so shut the fuck up and stop comparing me to her." i'm silent with my last words. he stays put with me still laying my head on his chest.
"i wasn't comparing you to her, i-i was just.." he trails off, playing with the hairs on my head. only staying because he promised he'd never leave.
"we're not alright but i pretend," i breathe. "and you're just now noticing."
"i'm a shitty boyfriend. i know i am. it's just we were much more than this and she made me feel things that i just don't think anyone else can." i didn't know what i was expecting honestly.
"you should be with her then, not me." i adjust myself away from him.
"i want you, and i need you. you give me things that she can't." hiding my face in the covers only to have them pulled off. i tried holding the tears in, but they slowly met the brim of my eye. it's always her, over me.
"fuck, babygirl please don't cry." he wiped them away with the calloused pad of his thumb. everything's disappeared. holding me close to him, as he squeezes me tightly.
