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✧ ·˚ ༘ ➷ ·˚. ✧ ·˚ ༘ ➷ ·˚. ✧ ·˚ ༘ ➷ ·˚.࿐
johnny could make-do with pure silence. actually, his safe place to when his thoughts are too loud and he lets his mind overload. in where it's a complete opposite from deafening screams when he's on stage, almost every other night from some time ago whilst on tour.
one thing he's sure of at the moment though, despite his shaking and clammy hands, twitchy position, is that he doesn't like this type of silence at all.
the silence she provides with him is uneasy and quite unsettling, and he feels it tenfold more tensioned than she perceives it to be. felt thick because surely enough it was. thicker than the deep dish pizza he brought home, somewhat a peace offering. deeper than the lump on his throat that he feels as if he's choking from not speaking at all, and more painful than the purplish bruise that's forming on his knee from hurrying to get out of his car.
was enough to make your shared home feel like streaming echoes, even if there's enough furniture to drown them out ultimately. pain on his chest and all the way to his stomach that it felt blinding, in a way.
johnny's already void of speech and touch from her. feels that he'd be losing vision of her too. god forbid and he hates himself from even thinking of such a painful thought, muttering his prayers under his breath.
this is the only time he's seen his love like this, immensely silent that it was beyond exhausting to him. eyes trailing her every move, from him watching you put back utensils into their spaces quietly. with no anger into putting them back or no intentional clanging of silverware or no huffs and puffs either. johnny's aware.
knows that he's absolutely fucked it up for good.
nothing sudden or nothing serious at once. was a series of his actions, more like lack. slip-ups starting some weeks ago, all of them unintentional as that he didn't mind.
beginning with their date replaced by a hang-out at the same restaurant they were supposed to go to. stating via text that "we changed plans last minute, lovie. promise i'll make it up on the next one <3"
second was a "don't get why you're so upset with me." when she was worried sick and was about a hair away from calling the cops, if it weren't for a text from tate saying he's coming home in a little while. when he decided to take a two day roadtrip to somewhere without even letting her know.
third, was him being dismissive when you were consumed in for a let me love on you mood. pouts sent on his way when she's grasping for another bear hug from him in bed, an "i love you" said in hopes that it will soften him up and to her sadness does he only roll his eyes. turning off the side table lamp when she follows up with an awaiting look, the corners of his lips twitching up briefly, "oh jus' sleep it off, y'baby."
shortcomings are way too more to count off.
the fact that this may or may not be the time that johnny can't uncross the line that he's passed.
