johnny
you can do this. you can fucking do this. back stage looking out at the crowd, in warsaw, was insane. the biggest crowd i would ever be performing for. i'm not sure if i can do it. i ran out onto the light filled stage. the music for the first song started playing as my hands got clammy around the mic. it started to slip, and my clothes weren't the best. doubt. all i have.
"i been think about you, y-you're always on my m-mind..." i stayed steady on the stage in one spot. i wanted to pass out. just pass out right here so i didn't have to do i anymore. i'm not good enough. "e-even when i try t-to keep y-you out i c-can't." the mic slipped out of my hand and i ran back stage. into my dressing room, it smelled of nothing but anxiety coming from myself. i locked the door behind me, i sat in the black chair by the mirror and looked at myself. face red, redder than usual. covered in sweat. my hair looked like i'd just taken a shower. i can't do. it's all to much.
"johnny it's mom." she said over the knocks that she placed on the white door. no. now seriously isn't the time. i feel like im coming apart piece by piece. "open the door." she's my mom, i can't disrespect her. i got up and twisted the knob with my shaking hand.
"what's wrong sweetie?" she took the jacket off that i was wearing when i collapsed back onto the large black chair, that swallowed me into it.
"m-momma i can't do it a-anymore." i hyperventilated through my words. hard to catch my breath. snot dripped down my nose, and my wet hand cane up to wipe it.
"john. yes you can you're alright." i'm not. i'm truly not okay.
"w-where's y/n mom?" she looked at me confused. "i need her now mom!"
y/n
i looked up at the stage with concern when johnny ran off of it. the crowd complained, not knowing what was even wrong with him. he couldn't take it, i could tell he the look on his face when he stepped foot on the stage that he was nervous. the mic dropped, echoing into my ears. i tried pushing through the crowd, or angry mob of girls.
once i reached closer to back stage, i felt a light tap on my shoulder. i turned around and it was mer.
"y/n! it's john he needs you now!" she pushed, me against my back so that i could get back stage easily. we made it to the white door of his dressing room that read johnny orlando on the plastic sign. i could hear his sobs and whimpers from outside.
"go in i'll wait for you both." she guided me into the room.
"thank you, mer." she closed the door and shook her head as she did.
"hi baby." his whimpers sounding off even harder. i want touching him i just stood next to the chair that he was sitting in. his knees were up to his face, his head buried in them. sweaty palms wet against the arm rest of the leather chair. i sat down next to him, scooting all the way over. this was the first time he'd ever done this. he was never nervous for any type of crowd. my hand gently massaged his fragile self.
"what's up my love?" that's when his head decided to leg go of his knees and he looked at me. i cupped his read face softly.
"i-i can't do it y/n, this whole tour has been a disaster and i'm exhausted. this crowd doesn't help." he sobbed and could hardly keep up with his breaths.
"can't isn't a word baby. you can." he cried louder. "hey, hey." i put my finger over my lip, as a gesture to tell him to hush. i pulled his head into my lap, and ran my fingers through his soaking wet hair, shirt drenched just the same. i took it off for him, letting it fall past his arms and onto the floor. "shh. shhh. he crossed his arms and sniffed to try and catch his breaths up.
"i think i'm h-having a-an anxiety at-tack and i'm freezing." it wasn't his first time to have one of those. this was bad though. the worse one he ever had.
"no, no. you're no having one baby, i'm here and i won't let that happen." i ran my hands over his chest and felt his heartbeat. it was beautiful. it was steady, nothing wrong with that. i pulled his hair back out of his face. and pushed my knees up onto the couch so that he was closer to me.
"look at me." his eyes stayed closed, hyperventilating. "look at me." he opened them.
"stop. you're amazing. if i have to come on that stage with you to show everyone that, then i will. i will tell you this a thousand times if it means that i wouldn't have to see you like this ever again. you're going to go out there and make that crowd insane. the ones that stayed truly know you're pain and how much you're hurting. you can go out there and rock it babe. we know what you can do. especially me my baby. never forget how freakin incredible you are." i wiped his tears with the back of my hand, and began planting a soft kiss on his forehead. next his nose. then his lips. he tuned in with mine, trying to add his tongue but now wasn't the time. i let go.
"no kiss me again." he was bluffing but i had no problem with doing so again. so much passion. a lot of it everytime we kissed. his wimpers slowed and his hands wrapped around my neck pulling himself off of my neck. he stared at me for a sharp second.
"god how'd i get so lucky. i have a stunning girl that always seems to figure out ways to make me feel better always."
"that's what i'm here for love. i don't plan on that stopping babe." he hovered over me, being that he was now steady and could stand up on his own, he embraced me. making my cheeks turn their own shade of red.
"man i love you so damn much." he mumbled against the skin of my cheek.
"much love my baby." he let go and flexed. no shirt on. he looked at each of his muscles.
"you like that?" he asked, trying so hard to impress me when he didn't have to. i already was in love with them. muscle or no muscle.
"no i love it macho man, now god kill babe!" his chuckles filled the air of the room.
idk what is wrong with me but i feel like i miss johnny and i haven't met him yet. actually when he announces the tour dates for the us i'll be the first one to get some wether the show is in my state or not. i'll be meeting him and i can't freaking wait. i have to keep telling myself to not get nervous because johns a person just like us. there should be like two more updates today, so be on the look out. i appreciate all of you guys that take the time out to read. i love all of you guys so much babies.🖤
