few months. few months, passed now since i'd lost my dearest boyfriend, johnny orlando.
never in a million years would i have thought that it'd be easy when we broke up, but it kind of was. johnny pushes me straight into hayden's arms, he was my comfort place.
hayden and johnny stopped being friends because of me, hayden being mad that johnny finally go me. but now that we aren't together it makes no difference because i'm with hayden, yet i'm still so heart broken over johnny.
"where you headed?" hayden placed a chaste kiss on my lips. warming my cool body. i looked down at my backside against his front. giving me no room to walk away or move.
"out." plain and simple there was nothing else two it, i just couldn't be bothered. i wanted to be alone and drown myself in clothes that i most likely won't wear.
"i thought we could... maybe try something." the back on his rough hand, falling up and down my arm. my head leaning back onto his broad chest. "you could tell me how it feels for daddy to play with your pretty pussy."
hayden always had to make things sexual, at a time like this i didn't want to hear it.
"i really just need sometime alone." without another word, his grip loosened.
i pulled out of the drive way, spending the entire car ride sulking in my depressed silence.
coffee was the best thing for me right now. i couldn't seem to heal myself of everything that was happening. blocking every one out and continuing with a fake ass smile everyday. but it some how gets me by, and i keep going. but i'm barely hanging on anymore.
the paper cup warmed my lips, on this cold windy day. a small amount of people inside. i gulp the sip of hot coffee down and pull out my phone. instagram, didn't solve anything yet it took my mind away, slightly.
i placed the hot cup down on the wooden table, my stool as uncomfortable as could be.
it just hurts for no one to understand the point i'm at, even hayden. he was clueless. i'm sure if i were to leave this world, not a single soul would notice-
"this seat taken?" the stool in front of me screeched against the tiled floor, dragging me out of my thoughts.
"uh... um no." i took a second to formally recognize the familiar voice, for i hadn't looked up from my phone or glanced at the person yet. "johnny!"
sudden urge to run into his arms, i'd stopped answering his facetimes, calls, messages, and dms. any form of contact. the whole friend thing was too cliche and wouldn't work for the both of us, knowing our feelings go much harder for each other than just a simple friendship.
i jump up from my seat and he wraps his arms around me, squeezing me as if he'd loose me if he let go.
there's one thing he doesn't know, i'm with hayden.
✯✯✯
"i heard that you're with hayden?" he crinkled his nose in the cutest fucking way possible. my lips curved into a bright smile. the first time i have in three months, ever since he broke it off. as much as i hated to see him, oddly enough i enjoyed his presence.
"who told you that?" i awkwardly lean back off my stool, almost falling onto the ground. he snickered, but it wasn't really funny. he grabbed my hand holding, i watched as he brought it up to his mouth.
placing a tiny peck in between and on each knuckle. "tea was spilled, long time ago babe." babe, i wanted so badly to be called that by only in person. the one sitting in front of me.
"god, i missed these hands." placing my hand back down onto the table but not letting it go. he squeezed it tightly with his hand. "missed that cute ass face too." it was hard to act like i didnt think about him sometimes, i should win an oscar.
"i know i said i'd be your friend but it's to hard. i said id be there until the end it's just to hard."
"you block his number and then call me instead, you keep running back to him it's just to hard."
previous remnants of our last conversation running through my mind.
"i missed you so god damn much that i crave you. i did this to us and we could've made it work." he holds my hand against his forehead, voice cracking. reminding me of the tears he shed, we we last spoke.
"like an addiction?" i ask, as he moves my hand back down and out of the way. wish my feelings would be turn around from love to lust. broken so many time that i don't know how to love.
can't believe that i'm falling like this for him. i can't be saved.
"yes, and it's crazy the things i'd do for us. i didn't mean harm but that break up killed a man." trying to laugh his hurt away.
"what would you do?"
"shit, i'd make out with you right now. fuck hayden." he scooted my stool closer to him and whispered into my hair.
"fuck hayden, bet?"
"bet.".
our lips locked and traced each other in perfect sync.
exhilarating.
this some cute ass shit, to fucking bad no one wants me so i can do it with them lmao. heh.༄
