there is no johnny without you.
johnny
here i am waking up, still can't sleep on you're side. before i met you i was already hurt and broken, now that you're gone it's just the same. gone, just doesn't sound right. you left out of my life and didn't look back. there isn't an us anymore. it hurts me to know that when i turn over in bed you won't be there, like this morning. i reached for you, and you weren't there. i wanted you. i remember the roses on your shirt, the day you told me that this wouldn't work. why wouldn't this work exactly y/n? you never explained your self. did you find some one better? i know that i won't. there is no one in this world that i'd find that would replace those intimate moments and amazing memories that we shared. you just up and left me. i didn't know that the love we had or the love you had for me was this replaceable. it's been a week, and you still don't seem to care. no, not at all, not one bit.
i turned over in bed where you used to lay. your side table still held your things. there's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time. it almost feels like a twisted dream that you're gone. you knew this was the last thing i ever wanted to happen. if i could dream long enough, you'd tell me i'd be just fine. i treated you like a princess, and it's like it didn't phase you y/n. did i mean fucking nothing to you? apparently. i would've done anything in this world for you, you were and still are my everything. i thought this was supposed to be forever, like you and i had both promised each other. you were my first love. that's irreplaceable. you can call someone else baby but nobody can take my place. you were the only reason i had to smile. now there's nothing.
there's nothing but depression. the shit sucks ass. im so hard on myself, depression eats away at me. i just let you slip through my fingers. being depressed, isn't something you can easily get rid of. truth be told, i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. when you were going through your problems i was the only one there for you. i was your only shoulder to cry on, you didn't appreciate that y/n. i was a damn good boyfriend, and i'm not afraid to say it. you love knowing you hurt me though? don't you. made my depression worse, you knew it was bad before it met you. i hate myself because you left. i did nothing wrong, i showered you with kisses and i thought that i always made you feel nothing but the best.
so i drown it out, like i always do. i have to move on eventually it isn't like you're coming back. you said you never wanted to see my face again. if you were so unhappy, why didn't you leave earlier? i got out of bed and went down stairs. i went to the music app on my phone and blasted songs that we used to listen to together. one's that always made us love being in each others presence. i danced through our house, in tears, tears with the ghost of you. the music blasted as i went into the kitchen and grabbed the nearest alcohol i could find in the cupboard, to support the current pained feeling that was in the pit of my stomach, i found some beer, that you'd gotten for me, a few weeks back when you'd gone to the store. i chased it down with a shot of truth, and walked through our house with the ghost of you.
i started to clean up some things that were left in the living room from the fight we had leading up to the night you left. i haven't got out of bed or done anything since that night. this all seemed so new to me. a shirt lie on the floor, near the tv. it looked familar, i picked it up, lightly, off of the floor. my finger gently ran across the material and i pulled it close to my chest. i found that old zepplin shirt, you wore when you ran away. you ran away from me and us, it pains me to know that. what about you y/n? no one could feel your hurt. i could've known what was hurting you and what you were going through, but you shut me out. anytime i asked you what was wrong you simply said nothing. i should've asked some more, you would've told me. if asked more it would've seemed like i cared. you still knew i did though, i always cared for you. i still do.
we're too young, too dumb, to know things like love. i thought we were in love, you fell out of it. but, i know better now. i know better than to fall for someone like you again, or even for you again. it doesn't matter that i'm hurting right. you left me clueless, the day you walked out of that door and didn't look back. baby, if i could take back what i did to make you want to leave so bad i would in a heart beat. no matter where i go, i'll always want you back. i never stop thinking about you. you aren't here with me anymore and that's hard to face. the ghost of you reminds me of your love. it is a gift, that can heal & rebirth a tired soul. the ghost of you reminds me to never take love for granted again.
this is sad, but johnny is me in this part. stuff hurts yk. i was going to wait until later but i can't go to sleep and its literally 5 am. they'll be another update later too. if you guys want me to write about something lmk in the comments. i appreciate all of you guys that read. i love all of you guys so much.💔💗💗
