Elevator love merder

Am I....?

The boards. I've been back from the boards for a month now. After the journey to our boards exams. And i was an attending. I simply couldn't believe it. An attending. Not a resident anymore. Not a first year intern. But a well educated attending. I've completed the exam successfully, just like Christina. And Alex. And...everybody from our group, including Jackson and April too.
My first week as a professional attending was bumpy. I needed to get used to the new schedule. And the slightly different behavior, including the more difficult surgeries. Not like it was hard to get up later, and come home earlier. Or do more interesting operations. Most of the time my schedule was the same as Derek's. It rarely changed. Less all nighters, more sleep. And more discipline from the interns. And from people below you. Nurses, scrub nurses, residents, intern. So overall, i was feeling pretty great about how my life turned out to be after the boards. I had Zola. And Derek.
However today, i woke up feeling like crap. It was only just past half past five in the morning. I crawled out of bed, careful enough not to wake him up, and made my way over to Zo's room. I entered, and watched her sleep peacefully for a little. As i exited her room, i took the steps down into the living-room, and turned the TV on, settling on the couch. I put my feet up, and switched the channels. The good doctor. Gilmore girls. Cartoons. News. Some cheap romcom. Although i found it out of fashion, i kept watching the romcom, and dozing off during. Until i felt a wave of nausea hit me. I jumped up, and started running towards the bathroom, where i kneeled down in front of the toilet. Best way to start the day. - i sighed, while i kept breathing heavily, waiting for a happening. Something that should determine if i have to stay here on the cold bathroom tile, or relax on the couch. As nothing happened, i slowly stood up, and lifted my head. Bad idea. I immediately let my head fall over the toilet, and emptied my stomach.
-Morning..- i heard Derek's voice from behind.
-Hey...- i opened my eyes slowly, getting used to the sunshine.
-What time is it? - i asked him getting up from the couch.
-Six thirty. Alarm clock just went off. How come you slept here? - he asked me, while putting the baby in the eating-chair at the table, still in pajamas.
-I got up early. Couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you. - i gave him half of the truth.
-You okay? - he asked keeping eye contact with me.
-Yeah. - i smiled lightly, and forced myself to get up from the couch.
-Breakfast? - he offered.
-I'm gonna skip that today. - i declined, when even the thought of food scared me.
While i was pulling on my jeans, my mind kept wondering. Why didn't i tell him about the morning? I mean...I could've. And should've. But i just...didn't want him to worry. I comforted myself. It's just the stomach flu. But i'm feeling better now. Let's see. Vomiting can be a sign of...stomach flue obviously. Food poisoning. Appendicitis. But i've been through that. Labyrinthitis. Migraines. But i've never had migraines. I kept listing the most obvious things. Overeating. But i haven't eaten that much last night. Medications. Which i am not taking. Pregnancy. Yeah, like i could be pregnant with my hostile uterus. Brain tumor. I'm starting to go crazy. I don't have a brain tumor. And - wait.. let's go back. Pregnancy. When did i have my last period? - it ran through my mind as a last idea.
I took the calendar out of my bedside table, and opened it up. Yeah, had it in January. Terrible experience. Right at the boards. Cramps aren't the best when you need to take a huge exam. Started at the 31st of December, great. Ended on the 4th, awesome. I turned a month. February. I was supposed to get it..Last week. It's Wednesday now. Quick math. It's been 5 days.
In life, when i have to get somewhere on time, i am always late. I am the last one to get there, if it depends on me. But on one thing, i have never been late. Since i have started doing it at the ripe age of 13. My period. Exactly 29 days. Always. Not always, but in my whole life, i barely remember occasions where it was more than 30. I was always kind of punctual. But now... i shoved it back into the desk, and pulled on my jeans, which were only half on me.
Not possible. Doctors said that i have a hostile uterus. Chance of getting pregnant is 1 out of a hundred. That's how Zola came along. But there is always that 1%. It ran through my brain, and my hand slipped over my stomach. Maybe. Or maybe not. Should i? Take a test. Tell Derek? Not yet. If I am...but maybe i'm not. If! - Meredith, If! - i warned myself. Then i'd only be four weeks. Going towards five.

-We can leave soon. - i assured Derek, as i filled a cup with water. Hydration is important. I reminded myself. Zola's been dressed. And she was playing in the living room. I put the cup down on the table, to pick up a sock from the floor. However, as i reached down for it, i accidentally pushed the cup with my elbow. And the water spilled.
-Oh, i'm sorry. - i turned to him, taking the sponge he was already handing to me.
-I'm clumsy..and sorry. - i mumbled.
-Hey. It's fine. - he stopped my movements.
-You okay? - he turned me to face him, and held my arms. He kept looking into my eyes as i nodded. I almost spilled. Not just the water. But the possible secret too.
-Sure? - and i nodded.
-Yeah. I just want to get to the hospital. - i lied.

I was in the hospital, in a stock room, full of equipments. I searched several boxes, until i found the one. The destiny. I pulled out two different of the sticks from inside of it, and hid them in my pocket. As i was approaching the woman's bathroom, i kept my right hand in my pocket, making sure they won't fall out in the middle of the hallway. I entered the bathroom, which seemed empty, and took the first stall. I checked if it had toilet paper, and took a big breath. As my pants were down around my ankles, and i was crouching over the toilet, making sure that me and the seat are not touching, i peed on the sticks. Both of them.
A few minutes later, i was holding the results anxiously in my hands. Just 45 more seconds. I kept repeating in my head, as i heard the door open, and somebody entered, washing her hands. Best time. Really. I thought sarcastically. 10 more seconds.
And as it passed, i took a big breath. It'll be okay. Either way. If i'm having a baby. Also if i'm not. I have Zola. She's enough. But...God..i hope..just look at the tests, Mer! That's all i have to do to find out. I shot a shy look at both of them at the same time. Two lines on one of them. And a small 'p' on the other. My eyes became teary as soon as i saw the little signs on the wet sticks. I ran my hand over my stomach, and hopped down on the toilet, while sniffing my nose, trying to keep back the liquid from escaping.
-Is...anybody there? - i heard a woman's voice. Crap! I needed to get all emotional here. Why here? I should've waited until i get home. Damn it! I stayed quiet, until i heard the kind voice again.
-Are you okay? - i discovered it belonged to my... sister.
-Yes. - i answered finally. She must've heard my happy tears.
-Mer? -she recognized my voice too.
-Yeah. - i sighed, confessing.
-Are you crying?
-No. - i said, still with a shaky voice.
-Do you...want me to get Derek?
-No. Not Derek. Not now. - i answered as quickly as i could.
-Christina?
-No. - i said again. I could still...lose the baby. No need to tell it to Christina yet.
-Don't you want to...come out? - she pleaded.
-I...'kay. - i gave up, and turned the lock on the door. As i exited, i saw her standing there. I closed my eyes, and took the tests out from behind my back.
-W...what? Are you pregnant? - she asked me with a surprised voice. I figured her eyes were wide open, and she was standing near me. As i opened mine, my theories were confirmed.
-I...seems so. - i nodded.
-Oh, Mer. - she jumped into my neck, holding me close.
-I'm so happy for you. You deserve it. - she stroked my back.
-Lexie. Should I...Tell Derek?
-Of course you should!
-But..when do i ...tell? After the first ultrasound? When he sees me clinging over the toilet? Or when i give birth? - i joked.
-You should tell him soon. I'm sure he wants to live all these things with you. Seeing the baby, and helping you cling over the toilet. - she joked too, but her eyes were wet.
-Today?
-Maybe. Yes. Mer, congratulations! Were you trying?
-I...i gave up. All kinds of doctors said that it won't happen. Before Zola. So i wasn't expecting to...you know.
-You're having a baby! - she teared up again, and hugged me close to herself.
-I know...- i smiled with some teardrops too.
-So..Are you telling Derek? Today?
-I...yeah. But you cannot tell anybody! Not even Mark. You weren't even supposed to find it out like this. But i'm glad you did. - i warned her talking slowly.
-Me too.
-So...help me. How do i tell him? At home.

And it's here...have fun!
And thank you so much for the previous votes!
Don't forget to do it again if you can! 🥰