Elevator love merder

I need comfort

This chapter involves the scene where Meredith is crying in a supply-closet, and Derek comforts her. From season 2, just different context. Have fun!

-The kid has the ability to hear. He just needs the surgery. - Mark explained to me. He was talking about the kid, Ryan, who came in earlier looking for him. One of his ears was missing. Well, it wasn't missing, but he was half-deaf. And it could be fixed. It could've made his life easier. And he came looking for Mark, to make it happen.
-So, i can hear, again? Normally? Fully? - Ryan asked, while sitting on a bench in the scan-room.
-Yeah. - i answered for Mark.
-Can you do it? The surgery? - he asked with a huge hope in his voice.
-Yes, he can. - i answered again.
-Do you have insurance? - he asked the kid, and he shook his head.
-I was hoping you could just do it. With the letters...and everything. My parents cannot afford it. They do know i am here, but they said they can't pay. - he confessed.
-I am sorry, but i can't do it. I need staff, an OR, and anesthesiologists. And insurance or someone who could pay for the hearing-aid, and the supplies. I can't ask favors. They hate me.
-So...you can't? - Ryan asked with sad eyes, looking up at him.
-I am sorry kid, but...it's not possible.
-I can.
-Really? - Ryan turned to me with hope again. I don't know why i said that. I just couldn't bare the sadness in his eyes. And his voice, when he thought it wasn't possible.
-Grey. - Mark warned me.
-I have social capital. My mum did things like this, I could talk to the Chief, he would support it. Because of my mother. I could try to find staff.
-If you get approval, and staff, i'll do it. - Mark offered.
-Did your mother have a lot of supporters? - Ryan asked, following me through the door.
-Yeah. She was a kick-ass surgeon. Oh... don't say kick-ass! Don't curse!
-Okay. Can i ask you something?
-You just did, actually. But yeah. - i joked.
-What's in that bag? - he pointed to the pack in my hands.
-It's...ashes.
-Who? - he got excited.
-Uhm...It's...You know, we should go. - i tried changing the subject, still walking.
-It's your mother, isn't it? - he asked sadly.
-Yeah. - i sighed.
-Does those supporters know that she is in a chubby? - i left his comment without an answer.

-Okay. I'll go in now. If i send you the signal, you come in, and do what we've talked, okay? - i asked Ryan, and he just nodded eagerly.
-I have a kid. No, not my kid, a patient. And he needs a pro-bono surgery. But his parents can't afford it, he has got no insurance. He needs equipment, an OR, staff, and Dr.Sloan. And your approval. To change his life for the better.
-The pro-bono slate is full. I cannot just squeeze him in, and - he started, but i gave the sign and Ryan entered.
-Trick or treat? - he smiled at Richard.
-My mother, you know was big on pro-bono surgeries. - i flashed my last card.
-Fine. OR 2 at 6 pm. Equipment will be there, you take care of the others. - he agreed.
Ryan jumped to me, and hugged me close to him at my hip.
-Thank you nice man! - he turned to Webber, and he just nodded. I pulled Ryan out of his office.
-Now we go for staff. I'll try to get you the best. Remember our signal. - we crossed the hallways together, until i saw who i was searching for.
-Dr. Bailey, i need a favor.
-This is a bad start, Grey. But go on.
-I need you to scrub in on a pro-bono surgery.
-I am filled with paperwork, the pit, i don't have time. - i pulled Ryan out from behind my back.
-Trick or treat? - he asked again.
-Is he the patient? - she looked at me, feeling bad, as i nodded.
-Fine. I'll do it.
-Thank you. Please find some nurses who could help. - we dodged of quickly, so she couldn't resist.
-Ryan, call your mother, because you are getting ears! - i cheered.

-What's up with you? You all look...well like shit. - i talked as i entered the basement of the hospital.
-Rebecca was here. - Alex started.
-I am stuck with a crazy patient. - Christina answered me.
-Norman. - Izzie finished.
-Bad day...-George sighed.
-Is that still your mother? - George asked me.
-Yeah.
-Why are you all .... happy? - Christina asked me.
-I'm helping a kid. Pro-bono.
-Get out! - Alex ordered.
-What?
-Only people with a bad day can stay in here. - He continued.
-I have my mother in a baggie, i slept like 3 hours last night, Bailey caught me kissing with Derek. - i defended myself.
-She can stay. - Izzie accepted it.
-Yeah. - George agreed.
-Thank you. - i hopped down, in between them.

-I'm impressed. You nailed this. In and outside of the OR too. - Mark complimented me, while we were scrubbing out.
-Thank you. I'm actually surprised. This was my first time trick or treating.
-You never trick or treated as a kid? - he asked back surprised again.
-No. My mother never took me. She didn't have the time. And she thought begging for food was rude.
-Well the apple fell pretty far from the tree. - he responded
-Thank you. I'll go check on Ryan. He's got two perfect ears now.
-Hey! You're up. - i greeted him, when i entered.
-Your family is outside. I'll let them in after i examine you.
-You know, i had a goldfish. - he stared out of nowhere.
-Yeah? - i asked, while checking his ears.
-And she died.
-I'm sorry.
-It's okay. We flushed her down the toilet. You know, because back to the sea is better than her chubby. - i got what he meant. My mother. She was still inside of the pocket of my doctor coat, which i was wearing. I just smiled at his comment, and invited his family inside, swapping places with them. It was late. And time to go home. I entered the locker room to change. First my scrub pants. To the regular ones. I took of my coat. I reached into the pocket of my coat, and took it out. I held it in my hands. She was my mother. This was everything left of her. Her body in a baggie. As i kept looking at her, the memories came rushing back to my brain, flooding it. Me being here with nurses while other kids spent their time doing puzzles. Never going trick or treating, or having a x-mas tree. Me calling 911 when my mother was lying unconscious in a pool of blood. But her giving me the best treatment when i broke my arm in third grade. And buying me an anatomy doll. The upgraded one. A tear fell from my eyes onto my torso. I haven't cried. I haven't cried once, because of her death yet. When she passed away, it didn't change much for me. She didn't even recognize me. And i haven't cried. But still, she was my mother. Now the tears from my eyes were coming rapidly, blurring my vision. I heard someone open the door and start changing. I looked into the direction. It was a guy, maybe Tim. I wasn't sure. I barely knew him. I wiped my eyes, and entered the hallway, locating myself, looking for the nearest on-call room. When i didn't find one, i opened into a supply-closet. I hopped on to the cold floor, putting the bag on my other side. My breathing was messed up, nearly no air entered my body, my lungs were desperate for some. My nose was running, and i didn't see anything. My chest hitched, and i was scared. Scared of what was coming next. I couldn't stop. I was panting desperately. I heard the door open in the background, but i didn't care. They will go away. But i felt an arm on my shoulder.
-It's okay. - he said.
-I don't....
-I can't....I can't. - i tried telling the man on my right some information. It was Derek. Of course it was Derek. He was there with me. In my worst times too.
-De...rek. I don't. I can't......I don't....I - i cried.
-I can't do all of this on my own...- i struggled to finish the sentence.
-Slow. Slow down. Slow. Shh. - he held my hand, looking at me.
-Slow deep breaths. Slow. It's okay, that's it. - i tried following him, but the lack of oxygen in my lungs was still making me pant for more.
-Slow down. - he stood up and grabbed a paper bag, sitting down next to me, handing it to me. I held it in front of my lips, and covered my whole face with it. Immediate relief filled me, when i felt him pull me into him. He was hugging me from behind, and i let him take care of me. Again. I leant into his touch, and as he was holding one if my shaky hands, his breath on my neck made me shimmer. When my breathing slightly normalized, i kept breathing into the bag. He didn't let go of me. He was stroking my thigh, and after a few minutes i let my head fall back onto his shoulder. He was keeping me together. Always. His strong arms were holding my small figure.
-You don't have to do anything together. - he whispered into my ears, and wiped my tears with his thumb. Just like he did last time. I nodded once.
-Want to tell me what happened? - he rested his head on mine, making the moment more intimate. I took some deep breaths, collecting enough energy from his warmth.
-When a fish dies...It needs to get back in the sea...- i used Ryan's example.
And...I need her to be...in her sea. So i can..also be..free. And sleep. But i need someone. To do it. With me. And i know what's her sea. I just... - i finished rambling.
-Can't do it alone. You don't have to. We will do it together. I promise. - he squeezed my hand.
-I'm okay. - i sighed, lifting my head, looking into his eyes.
-You're okay. - he repeated, pulling my bangs out of my eyes, handing me a tissue.
I accepted it, and blew my nose. I looked into his deep blue yes again, making him understand how grateful i am. I touched my lips to his, and gave all that i could. The feelings i had inside of me. He kissed me back, with the same kind of intimate passion.