Elevator love merder

Susan died

After i scrubbed out of our surgery with Derek, i was refreshed. A surgery was always refreshing, but with Derek, even more refreshing. We called them OR dates. I heard my pager go off in the afternoon, so i answered it. Susan.
She was curled up in the hospital bed, Thatcher holding her hand.
-When did the cramping start? - i asked her, examining.
-Little while ago. - she answered with a grin on her face.
-What is it? Is it -
-Probably nothing serious. It could just be a reaction to the antibiotics. We may have to switch to another one. But it means another night here. - i said not letting him finish.
-Oh...
-It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. - Susan kept saying it, calming herself, and Thatcher down, however the pain and fear was easily seeable in her eyes.
I gave her some pain-medicine for the cramping, and went to find Bailey or the chief, however i couldn't find either one of them. I kept roaming in the hospital, when i heard the beeping of my pager. 911. From Susan's room. I kept running in a huge pace, passing everybody in the hallways.
-What happened? - i saw Richard there, next to her bed, treating her.
-She is septic. The sooner we can get her to the OR, the sooner we can help her. Let's move. Move. - he kept saying, wheeling Susan.
-Richard! What ... wha happened? - Thatcher jumped in the way of the bed, panicking.
-Extremely rare complication. Toxic megacolon with a perforation. Can you get your dad out of this room please? - he turned to me, and i nodded, pulling him out of the way.
-This...This fast? - he started panicking even more.
-Sometimes it progresses rapidly. Very rarely. We booked an OR.
-You're going into surgery right now? I didn't....didn't sign a consent form.
-Thatcher, she needs surgery, now. Not tomorrow, not later, right now. - Richard explained.
-Thatcher! - Susan kept wincing in pain for her husband, with an oxygen mask on.
-We need you to stay back, okay? - i held his arm, and ran after Susan, entering the room as the last doctor. Bailey joined us, helping us wheel her.
-You're going to be okay. This happens. You're going to be okay. - i told her, trying to comfort her, and myself too, as my heart was beating in my throat, when she grabbed my arm.
We wheeled her into the nearest booked OR, and started the emergency surgery.
-Susan, count back from 10. - i told her, as we gave her the drug, which made her sleep right away.
Halfway through the surgery, Susan coded. I just stood there, knowing this is the end, when her heart rate dropped. Richard kept trying to start her heart again, and raise her heart rate from 0. I just stood there, while Richard stopped.
-Time of death 19.23. - Bailey said stepping from the table. My eyes became teary, and i ran out of the OR. Susan is dead. My eyes were teary, and i entered the hallway, hearing Bailey's and Richard's steps following me closely. I tossed the gloves into a bin on the way, and held the scrub cap in my hands.
-Meredith! - Richard called after me. I didn't turn around, or stop. It might've been disrespectful, he was the chief, but i couldn't just turn around. They couldn't see me like this.
I saw through some tears my father's figure, sitting on a chair in the waiting area, like a total mess. His hair was tangled, shirt dirty, his head in his hands. When he noticed me, he stood up, his eyes becoming watery, as he saw me crying.
-We...We did everything...we co...could. - i rambled, shaking slightly.
He held his head, and started crying too. I saw the massive pain in his eyes, as i was still crying quietly, holding eye contact, when anger flashed through his eyes. I figured Bailey and the chief were standing not far behind me, watching me and my father.
-You said...You said that...it...it was a small...thing...that she would be...okay...knock it out.. - he quoted me.
-It...it was. - i trembled again.
-She came here...Because she trusted you....I trusted you.
-She...She had the hiccups. - he yelled, and the next thing i felt was a big bang on my face. He slapped me. Not playfully, not a tiny slap. Hard. My whole face went numb, as his hand reached my head. I started shaking in pain, and held the left side of my face, crying. Crying because of Susan, crying because of grieving. Crying because it hurt. Emotionally, and psychically too. I was trembling, and i turned around, still trying to make the pain go away by my cold hands. When i turned around, i could barely move. I saw Derek running towards me, from the end of the hallway. He was there, during everything. And Bailey saw it, and Richard saw it. As i was trying to walk steadily, quite in shock, Derek caught me. He hugged me to himself.
-Not ... here. - i managed to sob out. I saw my bosses faces, just staring at me in the half dark waiting area. It was dark outside already, but not all of the lights were turned on yet.
He led me to the nearest on-call room, hoping it was empty. When he closed the door, i fully broke down, leaning to the door, sitting with my back against the wood. The floor was cold, but i didn't care. I felt his hands help me up, after a moment, and i was grateful he didn't let go of me, because now i couldn't see anything from the watery tears, which couldn't stop. He sat down on a bed, and pulled me into his lap. I put my head on his shoulder, soaking the top of his T-shirt, letting my tears fall. He was stroking my back, whispering with his deep voice into my ear, hoping it will help me. I was still shaking. My tears didn't seem to stop for a while. I put my face into the crook of his neck, making that wet too. His essence gave comfort, as well as his hands around me. I felt safe in his arms. I knew nobody could hurt me in there. After a while, my tears seemed to stop, but i was still slightly shaking, and sobbing. I was worn-out in every possible way. When he didn't feel my tears anymore on his body, he gently lifted my head from his shoulder, making eye-contact. My left side was burning, my eyes were red, my bangs were on my forehead and in my eyes, wet from my tears, my nose was running, and my lips dry. He pulled the stuck hair out of my face, and put it behind my ears, revealing my face. With a tissue, he swiped my tears away, and handed it to me to blow my nose. I accepted it, then tossed it to the bed. He put his cold hand on the left side of my face. Feeling it, i hissed for a moment, than angled my face in it, letting him hold it. When the warmth of my face warmed his hand too, he licked his lips and kissed me. Caring, softly, lovingly. I didn't kiss him back, i let only him kiss me, i let myself show weakly in front of him. My dry lips were surely grateful for his wet ones, and for his tongue. He pulled away, looking me in the eye.