Elevator love merder

My mother's ashes

I woke up feeling exhausted. I panted while i sat up in my bed, with an empty side. I immediately pulled on the string of the lamp, revealing my room. Derek's in surgery. I comforted myself. It's halloween. My mother is dead. She is not here. Derek is alive. I took some big breaths, pulling put the sweaty hair from my face. I'm okay. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. I put my bare foot in my slippers, and opened the door of my wardrobe, pulling out something which was like a vase. An urn. I held it carefully in my hands, and took the steps of the staircase carefully. I entered the kitchen seeing Alex and Izzie sitting there.
-What are you doing? - i asked them, as i opened the cupboard, pulling out a zip-zop bag.
-It's halloween. We are carving a pumpkin. Couldn't sleep.- she shoved me the orange food with it's content on a plate next to it. I untied the bag and poured everything from the vase into it. Alex's eyes followed it.
-Happy freaking halloween...- he said.
-Mer, why are you up? - Izzie asked me.
-Couldn't sleep. - i sighed closing the bag, putting it down on the kitchen counter, and filling a glass with cold water, hoping it would help me. I took the stairs up again, and didn't even care to get back into bed. I turned the shower on and got in, which made me feel better, alone. Suddenly i was very aware that Derek was in the hospital, so i got dressed.
-On call? - Alex asked me, as i grabbed my purse downstairs.
-No.
-Where are you going? - Izzie asked me.
-Hospital.
-You okay?
-Yeah. I just need to see something for myself. - i thought of Derek, and grabbed my keys to the car.
-Have fun! - i smiled at them tired.

-Why are you here? - Christina asked me. She was on call tonight.
-Is Derek in surgery? - i asked her still panting a little.
-OR 6. Are you okay, Mer?
-Mhm. - I nodded, but took the steps nearly running to the gallery of OR 6.
When i got in, i saw Sydney looking at the movements of Derek from a chair. She was the only one in the early hours there. I kept looking at Derek's movements too, a huge stone falling of my heart when i saw him. It was just a dream. A bad dream. He is okay. More than okay. He looked-up at the gallery, and our eyes met. I saw a slight worry in his, but i nodded my head, keeping the eye-contact for another second, before i broke it. I felt him look at me for another brief moment, before he turned back his attention to surgery. I was making sure i am okay, by breathing him in with my eyes.
-You guys make a cute couple. - someone said knocking me out of my thought.
-Ohm...thanks. - i answered to Sydney, apparently, when i looked to the direction where the voice came from.
I stood up, first walking, but them racing back to the locker room. I didn't know how much time i had spent by sitting in the gallery watching Derek's neat movements. It was a long surgery. When i got back to the changing room of the residents', i was very aware of the fact that my mother was with me. Actually, in my pocket. I pulled the bag out, and put it on my shelf.
-What the hell is that? - Christina asked me.
-Her mother. - Izzie answered instead of me.
-What? - she asked back.
-This is so creepy. - Alex pulled a shirt over his head.
-Why is she here? - George asked me.
-I couldn't sleep. She was ghosting me. At halloween. I needed to get her out of my closet.
-Were she in your closet all this time?! - Izzie panicked.
-I have no idea how Shepherd can sleep next to you...- Alex teased me.
-Okay...this is not the time for joking. I...i need to...go. - i sighed, still afraid. Of something.
-Don't leave her here! - Christina ordered me.
-Why?
-Because...she is the Ellis Grey. In a locker, next to a pair of sock.
-Yeah, and she is also my mother. - i said, but finally taking the bag out.
-Bye. - i ran out again.
I needed to avoid Derek. He was okay. And he would've noticed me being all...strange immediately. I needed time. To think. I needed to get rid of the ghosts. Well, actually i wasn't sure i had ghosts with me, but get rid of my mother's ashes respectfully. I couldn't just leave it on a shelf anymore. She was scaring me. This nightmare had proved it. And the previous one, a night ago.
-Mer. Webber is moving into the apartment. - Christina greeted me again, a round later.
-How so? - she surprised me.
-He needs a place. Adele wants him to move out. And i don't want Burke's place. I said it is his. I already rented a nice flat.
-You can come over. Whenever you want. Sleepover. - i offered as soon as i could.
-Yeah. Thank you. But i need a new place. - i nodded understandingly.

After lunch i was organizing the papers in my hand, while crossing the hallways. I'd manage avoiding Derek for 6 hours now. 6 whole hours, and we hadn't met. Just like i needed it to. Suddenly i crushed into a chest, and dropped the contents of my hands. I recognized the essence, and the dark blue shirt even before i looked up to confirm my expectations. The dark brown eyes met mine. Derek.
-Mer. You are avoiding me. - he stated, holding both of my hands, while facing me, for a moment.
-No...I am not. I.. am not. - i defended myself, and got down to the ground, to pick up my files. And my mother.
-Yes, you are. Have i done something wrong? - he asked lowering himself too, to help me.
-No...It's not you..
-So, you are really avoiding me. Is it the house plans? I thought you liked that. - he made me look into his eyes.
-No, of course not. It's ... nothing. - i started collecting my mother's ashes.
-What is that? - he slowed my movements, by grabbing my hands with the bag and a handful of the sand-like thing in them.
-Charts. - i answered trickily.
-Mer.
-My mum. - i sighed.
-What? - he asked in a worried voice, and his face transformed from a confident Mcdreamy smile, to a confused Mcdreamy smile.
-She was in my closet before, but you knew that. I freaked out, so i brought her into work, but she was freaking people out here, so i couldn't leave her in the locker room. Do you think it's highly disrespectful to leave her in my car? - i rambled rapidly.
-Mer. Slow down. It's okay. Stand up. - he held my hand, pulling me up, and helping to put my mother's ashes into the plastic bag, leaving the charts on the floor.
I was still breathing heavily, like for the last 7 hours. He pulled the bag out of my hand and closed it, taking it from me. I hugged him close to myself, and his hands slipped protectively around me, as i pulled on his curls, and hid my head in the crook of his neck. We stayed like this for a minute. I finally felt a bit calmer, finding someone who can comfort me with his bare existence. When he pulled away, he grabbed my charts from the ground, and we found an on-call room. He opened the door for me, and i entered. Unfortunately Bailey was deeply asleep on a bed. We sat down on another one.
-Mer. Why were you here this morning? - he pulled me into his lap, while i was facing him, still hiding in his body.
-I couldn't sleep.
-Nightmare, again? - he asked quietly, careful not to wake Bailey, and i slightly nodded my head.
-You need to do something with those ashes. Then you could sleep peacefully again. And with me. - he smirked at the last part.
-I know...- i chuckled in a low voice.
-Why were you avoiding me?
-You would've known..That something was wrong. Actually you did...And i didn't know what to do. - i faced him, keeping eye-contact. I shot the sleeping form a look when it stopped snoring.
-You could've come. We will solve it. - he confronted me.
-Okay. - i nodded, managing to breath normally again.
-Put her in the back of your car for the day. We will figure it out tonight. And take care of it tonight. So you get a good night sleep. With me.
-Okay. I can do that. - i nodded again. It seemed like this was the only thing i could do now.
He kept looking at my lips, like he has done a million times before. I knew he was going to kiss me. Softly. Passionately, but softly. Caring. Making me feel better. I wasn't disappointed when i felt his lips stick to mine. I pulled closer to him, and made myself forget about my mother for a while. Just to feel better. Calm. Normal. He pulled back a handful of my hair, and the touch of our lips kept giving a little sound. The sound when two people find each other, their missing parts. Our lips stayed connected, and i moved my hips slightly over his torso, and he groaned into the kiss.
-Grey, i better not see you making out with Shepherd in a bed, when i open my eyes! - a voice came from the sleeping form, who we had totally forgotten about. We immediately separated,  and i jumped out of Derek's lap. But when i turned around, i already saw Bailey staring at me, as i blushed hard.
-Miranda. - Derek nodded, while undressing me with his eyes.
-It's Dr.Bailey for you, now. - she corrected him.
-You know, i am your boss. - he said smiling at me still.
-Yeah, and you were just making out with someone who works for you, weren't you? So i think we can break rules. - she stood up.
-I...I will go now. Find me...When you know... - i looked at Derek, hoping he could understand, and grabbed the cubby from next to Derek.
I quickly excused myself from the uncomfortable situation, and hurried to the nurses station, just to realize i had forgotten the charts in the on-call room.