Don't You Trust Me

Hidden Guilt

Levi woke up when he felt Eren shift around. 'Is he awake?' Levi opened his eyes and looked at the boy. He was still sleeping. Levi brushed the hair out of Eren's eyes to see that he was crying. He realized that the boy was shaking and his breathing was jagged.  Levi went to wake him up but Eren mumbled something before Levi got the chance. "It's all my fault." Levi gently rubbed the boy's back and called his name trying to get him to wake up. "Eren, Eren, Eren it's okay." Eren jolted awake and looked at Levi with scared eyes. Levi pulled Eren close to him and ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his back. "It's okay it was just a dream." "No, this time it wasn't." Eren said through shaky breaths. "She still died. I killed her." Eren was shaking uncontrollably and he was having trouble breathing. "Who?" At this point Eren looked traumatized. His eyes were wide and he was shaking and mumbling the same sentence over and over again. "I killed her, it's my fault. I killed her, it's my fault." 

Levi grabbed Eren's shoulders he moved him away from his chest. He put his hand under Eren's chin and made the boy look at him. "Earth to Eren, Eren please come back to reality and talk to me." Eren seemed to snap out of the traumatic slide show behind his eyes. "Levi?" "Eren who?" "My mother, I killed her." Levi pulled Eren back in and hugged him close. "Look I know it might seem that way but please calm down. Talk to me." "I can't." "Eren you need to get these feelings out, you've been traumatized, how many times have you woke up like this?" "A lot." Eren said looking up at Levi with teary eyes. He nodded and began to calm himself down the best he could. He was still shaking a bit, but he managed to get his breathing under control.

"Okay, now tell me what happened." "I killed her." "Eren tell me the whole story." Levi said pulling Eren into his lap. Eren nodded. He rested his head up against Levi's chest and took a few breaths. 

"I had gotten in trouble at school again.They made me stay in the classroom after school . They called my mom and made her come down to the school.  My teacher, Mr. Hannes, wanted to talk to her about my behavior again. We sat in the room for about ten minutes and then "it" happened." Eren paused and took a few breaths before continuing.  

"The earthquake hit. The building caved in and I felt someone shove me. It was my mother, she had pushed me out of the way before some of the rubble could crush me. The rubble had crushed her legs, torso and chest. She was trapped under it. She was still alive but it was getting harder and harder for her to breathe. Me and Mr. Hannes had tried to get it off her but it didn't work. It took the police two hours to dig us out of the caved in building. By the time they reached us she was on her last breaths. She died choking on her own breath." Eren looked up at Levi letting him know he was finished. "Eren, it's not your fault." "How is it not my fault? She was at the school because I misbehaved. If i wouldn't have misbehaved she wouldn't have been there. If she never pushed me out of the way she would still be alive. If I was strong enough to lift the rubble she would still be alive. So please tell me how it isn't my fault that she's dead. Even my own dad thinks so." 

"Eren listen it isn't your fault. First of your dad's an ass never listen to what he says. Second you were just being a kid. Kids misbehave there is no stopping that. Third you couldn't have know. Eren your mother knew what saving you meant.  She knew that  there was a chance that she wouldn't make it, but she loved you so that's why she did it." "I wish she didn't." Was all Eren could say. "Don't say that, Eren can't you see how much you mean to the people around you? To me you are my world, I would be lost without you. Mikasa thinks you're a hero, you saved her more times than she knows. All your little friends, you always bringing smiles to their faces even when you have trouble bringing one to your own." Eren had calmed down and was listening closely to everything Levi was saying. Eren nodded and hugged Levi tightly. Eren wouldn't forget these words, he couldn't even if he tried."

"Thank you, Levi I'm so sorry." "It's okay just please don't blame yourself anymore, and don't ever say that you wish she didn't save you." Eren nodded. "I won't." Levi hugged the boy tightly and placed a kiss on his forehead. Levi laid down and pulled Eren down with him. They cuddled together for a while. Neither of them wanting to move. " WAIT, what time is it?"