"I feel like I am about to pull my hair out if you don't stop" I groaned, placing my head between my hands.
"How are you so stupid" Dad asked.
"I don't know, maybe genes or something" i said sarcastically
He slammed his fist on the table what made me flinch.
"Stop with your nonsense"
"You are like actually mad because I gave Potter a lesson about quidditch?"
"Yes! He is Potter and in Gryffindor"
"Grow up, really"
"Venus Eileen" he shouted "stop with whatever you are doing, I am sure you do not want to be grounded"
"Grounded? I am almost fucking 19!"
"And yet you act like a child"
"You act like a child! I have no fucking idea why you hate Harry so much, but he is not as stupid as you have told me he is. We had quite a good chat, that does not mean we are friends, but he pretty okay boy"
"You have no idea-"
"But you ne-"
"We are not going to talk about him anymore. End of our conversation"
I humphed and stood up.
"Good, I am not in the mood to bicker with you again. Talk to me when you have grown up"
I slammed the door shut and tears instantly poured out of my eyes. I made my way to the person I knew would listen to me.
I knocked on his door and it took some time before it opened. Remus was standing on the other side of the door, his confused face turned into a more confused one after he saw my puffy cheeks and red eyes.
"Venus" he whispered and let me in. He closed the door and pulled me into a hug "it didn't go well, did it?" He whispered
"No" I sobbed "do- do we have a cigarette?"
"Yes" he placed his hand on my lower back and walked with me over to the window. I opened the window and sat on the large windowsill, waiting for him to find a pack.
He came back quickly and lit one cigarette for me. I took a deep inhale and then exhaled. I took the cigarette from his hands with my shaky hands and placed it between my lips again.
Remus sat down in the windowsill in front of me and placed his hands on my knees.
I shook my head whilst looking outside.
"I just don't understand" I choked out "I- I-"
I took another puff. I looked at Remus hands on my knees before looking at him, directly into his eyes.
His soft gaze softened even more.
"I am doing absolutely everything wrong" I smiled pitifully "absolutely everything. After this summer what we just had- it seems like everything has changed. I am such a fucking weak person, I am crying at absolutely everything. I am not talking to Minerva as much as I used to. My relationship with dad is shit as fuck. We are always arguing, because I am doing absolutely nothing right"
I looked away from him and tried to stop crying but I couldn't. I put off the smoke and stood up, my legs were wobbly.
"I shouldn't have come here, you have better things to do than listen to my problems once again"
Remus wrapped his strong around around me and stopped me from walking further away. He hold me against his chest as my knees gave up.
Remus slowly sat down with me and let me shout and cry, never letting me go. I cried and cried. I couldn't even say anything because of the sobbing.
I got up from the floor abruptly and ran to the bathroom, throwing up. Remus was quickly behind me, holding my hair and rubbing my back as always.
"It's okay" he whispered over and over again.
I brushed my teeth afterwards and walked to the kitchen.
We both didn't say anything. I sat down on the chair and looked into the emptiness.
"You all would be better off without me" I whispered.
"Don't say that, don't fucking say that, love" he said quickly.
"That's the truth, isn't it? You are probably tired of me too, we- you deserve so much better than me-"
"That is not true-"
"It is. I am no one, Remus. No one. I am just a piece of shit, a broken girl who does not know anything. A girl who has no meaning to her life. Nothing"
"Venus, darling-"
"I should go-"
"I am not letting you go" he said, taking my hand in his. I struggled to get away from his grasp, he was much stronger than me.
"Please, let me go" I whispered, my throat hurt from all the crying.
"No"
"Please"
"I am not letting you go so you could hurt yourself"
I looked up into his eyes.
"But others wouldn't care, Remus-"
"But I care. I can't let something happen to you. And I know Minerva and Severus care about you, a lot. I have heard them talk-"
"Talking shit about me-"
"No-"
"Don't tell me they care" I cried "I don't want them to care! I am a person who doesn't deserve others love"
"Don't say that-"
"You should not love me either, at one point I am the one who is going to mess things up or do something and- and you do not deserve that pain. You should not love me, Remus"
"I can not help it" he chuckled sadly "because for me, you are my everything. I can't imagine being without you. I am waiting every day until you would knock on my door because then I know you are safe and in my arms again"
I just shook my head and told him over and over again how he should not love me. How he should not care about me.
"Every other woman is better than me-"
"They are not. I want you to see yourself the way I see you. So beautiful and intelligent. So smart and funny. So caring-"
"Remus stop" I whispered and placed my hands on his chest "I am- I am in a shit place with myself right now and I think I just need some time alone"
He nodded.
"I- I am going to my dorm right now, I am not going to hurt myself, I promise you"
He nodded.
"But I just need to think about- everything"
"I understand" he placed a soft kiss on my forehead "let me know when you need anything, yeah? I'll be here, waiting for you"
I shut my eyes, but nodded.
"I love you" he whispered.
This time, I couldn't say it back. I shut the door and with a single click, I was alone.