A year as a Narnian || 365 Narnia one shots (Part one)

21: It never gets easier

January 21st - Prompt: Missing you

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Peter, Edmund + Lucy...

It never gets easier, missing you I mean. I miss you every second of every day and have done ever since that wretched train took you all away. 

I try and understand it, but I don't see how I can, all that happened was that you all died, and no one, not even me, could do anything about it. 

You're all my world, and life without you has been nothing short of a nightmare, although this nightmare I never wake up from. 

I find myself wishing that it was all a dream, and that I'd wake up and find you all here with me, but it never happens, and each time it doesn't it just rips open a little bit more of my heart. 

Everywhere I go there are memories of you three, and I half want to get rid of everything, and half can't bring myself to throw anything out. 

Lucy, your bible, the one you highlighted and marked all over the place, that's still on my bedside table. 

Edmund, your sketchpad. I know you never liked anyone looking at your drawings, but they're really, really good, so good I even had one of them framed. The rest are in my desk draw. 

And Peter, your penknife, I still have that too, sitting right on top of Lucy's bible. I haven't moved it since I placed it there all those months ago, except to flick through the bible, maybe one day I'll read it properly... If I ever have the time. 

My friends are always taking me out, for a walk, to the pictures, for picnics, for lunch, you name it we've done it. They try taking my mind off it all, try and make me happy, and I'm forever grateful to them for doing so, but it doesn't work, the making me happy part sometimes does, but the making me forget part, not so much. 

You three are always on my mind and I find myself wishing daily that you were still here with me, and I know that wish won't ever come true, but it gives me comfort just to utter those words every night before I go to sleep. 

This has turned out a lot longer than I intended it to, and if I'm honest I don't know why I'm even writing it seeming as none of you will ever read it, but sometimes it's nice to just let it all out, and writing seems to me, the only way I can do that. 

If you ever think of me, wherever you are, know that missing you is the worst thing in my life, a whole in my heart that never goes away, and never will.

I love you all so, so much

Your sister,

Susan xxx (A kiss for each of you)