Justin P.O.V
I kept on walking around the park, looking around as Jason stood by my side in silence. My mind was wandering back to how I was acting lately and it's not because I think I'm Justin Bieber and therefore I can do whatever I please, no. It's because I'm driven to act how I act.
Does it cost millions to treat me like a person and not like a damn robot? I can assure you it does not cost a dime to treat me like a human being. I can sure as hell have a long excruciating week and snap once in a while. But oh no.
Justin Bieber snapped, he is on drugs.
Justin Bieber snapped, he is having relationship problems.
Justin Bieber snapped, he is probably drunk.
Like no, I have the right to have a long week, the right to walk out where I'm being disrespected because let me assure you, people that don't have my spotlight do it all the time, but they have the ability to do it privately, not I. Many people will love to look at it some other way, but I know how I was being treated.
The front row was laughing mockingly as I wiped the floor, but they just kept on throwing water on it. Either, they wanted me to slip and break my neck or they just wanted to piss me off, neither one was cool.
"Hey, getting pissed off again Damsel?" I looked over at Jason with a questioning look before he grabbed my right hand making me look down, just then realizing that it was formed into a tight fist.
"It's just bothering me, that's all," Jason let my hand go and I unclenched it, sighing at last.
"What is?" I looked at him pensively trying to find out if he just wanted to pry into my life, but the more I looked the more I could only read genuineness all over his features.
"How I get treated," I answered at last.
"And how do you get treated?" he pressed on the subject. I sighed once again and kept on walking down the rocky path at the park which at the very far end seemed to lead to a lake.
"With disrespect," I simply replied.
"I see, and in what way do you feel disrespected?" he questioned making me look at him once again in annoyance.
"In every way Jason, from my privacy right down to my choices, whether they are my personal choices or professional ones. My music is disrespected, doesn't matter if it's good or not, people just do it because it's me making it. My posts on social media are disrespected, and for what? because I don't post what they want me to?" I vented and Jason just nodded along to what I was saying.
"I know about your privacy and music and somewhat social media, but what do you mean when you say your choices get disrespected?" he asked with furrowed brows.
"For example, my new haircut and color. People are saying 'have you seen Justin Bieber?, he looks like a white mom with that haircut, and did you see the color?', like okay we get it, but at the same time it's like, it's my hair you know, I can do just whatever the hell I want with it, why do you care? Then there's the problem of me getting new tattoos, 'oh my God Justin, more tattoos? why? you're ruining your skin', and it's like again, my skin, my problem. Everything is a damn problem with the public and it's just because I'm Justin Bieber. It gets to the point where I'm like, why did I even sign up for this?" I ranted.
"Is that why you have been lashing out lately?" I licked my dry lips and focused on the path ahead of me as we got closer to the lake.
"Could be, I'm just tired of giving a shit. I realized a long time ago that no matter what I do, no matter how much I try to be perfect and be loved by everybody, it just won't be enough, it won't happen. I'm not perfect, only God is and not even he is loved by everyone, so why give a shit? there's no point," I stated as I ran my fingers through my hair, waiting for Jason to shoot the next question.
"What about disrespect on public decisions?" he questioned.
"That type of disrespect is based on who I decide to hang out with and what I decide to post. I decide to hang out with my friend Pierce now all of the sudden she is a slut, and they literally assume that without even knowing her a day in their lives. I on the other hand have six months of friendship with her and I'm still getting to know her myself. I hang out with Maywheather and post some pictures of a few stacks and all of the sudden I'm becoming vain and Floyd is changing me," as I let all that baggage off of my shoulders, I felt as light as a feather.
"How about your posts?"
"As you may know, growing up my mom and I barely had money to buy and eat food. Most of my clothes were hand downs which is why they were so big on me so to this day, years later, I'm still very grateful for all that I got and how far I have come, at times I reflect back to everything that has happened to me and I feel astounded. So to post a picture of my jet or sport cars to me is not bragging, is thanking but people don't get that, they just start scolding me on how I'm just showing off, how arrogant I'm becoming, and how I'm throwing everything I have in their faces"
"I see bu-" he started but I wasn't done yet.
"And then again, I can't even have a throwback," I said interrupting him.
"What do you mean?" he questioned.
"I post a picture of me back in 2013 calling it a throwback, right? back in those times my friends used to call me Bizzle, it was just a crazy nickname that came from I don't know where and I kind of liked it so I changed it on my Shots account at the time. Around that time I was acting different, much like a jerk but it was not the fame getting to my head, it was just my way of dealing with how hurt I was. People were always saying I was out of control, that I was losing my mind and that I needed rehab, but they weren't seeing past my tough act," I said pinching my nose.
"Your tough act?"
"Those were the times where Selena and I were hurting each other the most. We would constantly fight and break up more times than we could count. She would think something wrong of me and in efforts of me trying to defend myself, I turned it into a fight. Same thing with her and when she was trying to defend herself. We would break up and a couple of months later we would contact each other in hopes of getting back together, but that was just turning out to be toxic, we were hurting each other way too much. In those months we had in between of getting back together, I was trying to heal my broken heart and sadly it wasn't in the best or healthiest way"
"In what way were you two toxic?" while some might think Jason was prying or diving too deep I on the other side felt relieved, I didn't feel like he was intruding in my personal life at all, as a matter of fact it felt immensely therapeutic.
"We cheated on each other, we tried to make one another jealous one too many times. We got into physical fights but I didn't have it in me to be violent with her in that way, that's not how I treat or view women. However, we took some of those fights outside and we were caught mutually yelling which is never good, it's at that point where you start thinking 'man, this is going from bad to worse' and to you, it doesn't have a way of being fixed anymore but you still keep going back because that person feels familiar to you"
"Going back to the Bizzle topic, what do you think that was all about? what led people to call you that in the first place? And why that time frame is known as 'the Bizzle era'?"
"I used to dress like a white kid that wanted to be black, that's what it seemed like to the public eye anyways. You know with the saggy pants, oversized clothes, jewelry by tons like I was a rapper, shades on at night and inside enclosed places, shirtless most of the time, and just trying to show myself off as someone I was not, but at that time that was just my style. People go through different phases, and different styles, and that just happened to be mine. Now I have outgrown that phase but every time I do anything like that I'm getting called Bizzle, as if that's a whole different person and I'm just impersonating them," and to think that has bothered me for so long.
"I don't know if you ever stopped to think that by people saying you're acting like an alter personality or ego, in this case Bizzle, they are basically implying that you have a personality disorder and that's a serious illness seeing how it's related to subconscious harmful activities. If they are making it seem like sometimes you have this Bizzle personality and then suddenly you become Justin again, you can get locked up against your will in a psychiatric facility as you are deemed unsafe to the public and yourself. Take the movie Split as an example," he explained.
"So, you're basically saying that people have unknowingly been saying that I have a personality disorder when they say I'm acting like Bizzle?" I asked stars truck.
"Yes exactly," he confirmed.
"So on top of everything else, people have been calling me crazy." I chuckled humorless.
"In a none offensive way, yes. People with personality disorders are not crazy, they just hallucinate and that causes them to think they are someone else. However, they are deemed crazy when they start acting out on those personalities, meaning that at some point in time they stop thinking they are that person and start believing it," he informed as we reached the lake.
"Like me?" I asked incredulously.
"You were just infatuated with the black culture and that caused you to act like you belonged there, the nickname your black friends gave you not helping. You're not crazy, and you sure as hell don't have a personality disorder Damsel," he smiled at me.
"How do you know they were black?" I asked.
"Because around that time you were hanging out with Khalil, Twist, Za, the Migos, Drake, Swae lee, shall I keep going?" he listed off casually as if he didn't sound creepy at all recalling my friends list.
"How do you know that?" he looked at me as if I was insane or uneducated.
"Because you're famous Justin, the fact that I make you feel normal doesn't mean that suddenly your fame vanished," he said with a knowing smirk.
"You do make me feel normal," I whispered.
"I'm glad I do Alien," he laughed. Rolling my eyes, I looked up at him to see the side of his face.
"You're really fucking smart, you should've chosen that Psychology career," I commented.
"Maybe in another lifetime Damsel", he said as he stared at the lake we reached about five minutes ago. Looking at the view myself, I sighed.
It felt like a massive weight has been lifted off of my chest and I could finally breathe properly again. Who would've thought it would all be thanks to Jason.
My chauffeur.